Thinking about divorce...?

Question

I need advice on whether I should get a divorce or not. My husband doesnt pay much attention too me unless he wants sex,food,or clean clothes. He spends most of his time playing video games (xbox360) chatting with everyone on there. When I ask him why he doesnt stop for a while and talk with me he only gets upset and either ignores me or blows up at me. He doesnt help at all around the house and complains all day if I dont get him something that he wants like food or He will want me to go and get him something to drink but be too lazy to get it himself. Also when we do get into fights he yells at me and calls me every name in the book in front of our children(we have three by the way) He either throws stuff at me or acts like he is going to hit me. He hasnt, but he has pushed me a few times. He makes me so mad and then the next day he acts like nothing happened and thinks I should do the same too. How can you forget about someone is suposedto love you act like they are gonna hit you?

I have no car/money or anything, I have no place to go. I dont have a job.. I have tried to get one within the past two months/applied at 20 different places and no one is hireing.I want to know what I could do with no money or car and three little ones?Where canI go? Also we cant afford coucilling and I asked him if we had money if he would go and he said no. Please help me other than being an *** I do love him and want something to work out if not I need to know where me andmy kids can go and what we can do.

Answer 1

You need to get professional help. It is good that he has not hit you yet, but that is normally what follows. You don't want him to act like this in front of your kids. He has not hit you yet there is hope, but you can't do this on your own. If you get help and it doesn't work you won't ask yourself later, "what if?"

There are people that will do it on a sliding scale when you don't have money. Call around in your area. Call abuse shelters they might have a listing of doctors that get money from the government. Some doctors do it for charity. Call hospitals. Call around I bet you can find someone cheap. If you can't find any one-on-one there are support groups. Some will do it over the internet or over the phone. You need some help, there are those that will help, but you have to look for it. Good luck!

Answer 2

Your husband is acting like a BABY and you obviously have allowed this to go on WAY too long---he should get his butt off the couch or chair, drop the video game and become a MAN and a father and HUSBAND....If he isn't making enough money to support your family, then either YOU find a job start babysitting ..... 2 kids 5 days a week would net you $200 a WEEK which is $200 a week more then you have right now. Three kids would be $300 a week... but you CANNOT take in more then 4 because you would have to register as a CERTIFIED DAY CARE CENTER with 5 or more kid... ... You and your hubby need COUNSELLING and since you can't afford it, maybe YOUR PARENTS could come in and sit down with the BOTH of you and talk to you AND your husband about your situation...(yours or HIS)...but this guy definitely needs to grow up NOW!!!!.....

Answer 3

Sounds like you two have grown apart. It happens. Can you sit with him 1 on 1 and tell him how you are feeling? I know you said counseling is not an option due to finances, but you may be surprised if you look into different counseling programs - they may offer free counseling services based on income. Also - if you attend a Church - they may offer marriage counseling at no cost, or refer you to a place who does for free. Can you get a babysitter for a night a week so you two can go on a date? Maybe a local teenager (it would be low cost). Your dates can be a picnic, etc. Get back to why you fell in love in the first place. He needs to man up and be more engaged in his family. Lets face it we all have our hobbies (video games, whatever) but life comes first, and that includes family. If you try all off this: talking to him, arranging counseling, go on dates together and nothing changes...you will have to ask yourself if you can live this way. You can make it on your own, there are programs that assist to get you on your feet with housing, food, a job. Look into legal aid through your local court house, they can direct you as far as what steps to take. I do wish you the best!

Answer 4

Seriously, counseling would've been my first answer too.
Even if he won't go---YOU go. For your sake, your children's, and yes, for this marriage.
There are 'free' counseling places...check the phone book for crisis centers or go to or call a church and talk to the pastor (even if you don't attend their church---a good pastor will talk to anyone who needs help). Tell them everything that you've told us here. Don't call it "marriage counseling" because it is alot more than that at this point.
It sounds as though he may be addicted to video games. I know, I know, some people will say "that's just silly", but it is very, very common. AND it explains his other issues..."laziness", his agitation when you try to talk to him, and his anger issues (throwing stuff and even "pretending" to hit you).
HE definitely needs help. BUT, until he's ready to see that...you can't make him, you can't control his actions.
BUT, what you CAN do is do what you CAN control...YOU.
Call the crisis center and churches...keep calling until you find someone willing to talk to you and listen to you.
YOU have to do what you can do. Once you take this step you should feel more confident about yourself and then hopefully, you (with or without help) will be able to take the next steps...
#1 Counseling and #2 a job (somewhere, anywhere) and if you are unable to do this ASAP you may want to look into
#3 financial alternatives (such as through a crisis center, domestic violence organization---yes, it sounds bad enough that they should help you, a church, or state financial aid).

Once you have these 3 things in place...you can let him know that either he gets help or he loses you and the children. Let him know that you realize he has a problem and that you love him, but that until he sees that for himself you will do what you have to do to take care of yourself and your children...because you all deserve better than what he's been doing lately. Don't say it accusingly...just state the facts. He may get angry but hopefully you've put some plans into place to be able to handle what ever happens from there (a job, money, a place to stay,.....). OR he may realize that he's been screwing up. YOU just finally may help him realize that his actions DO have consequences. That may be exactly what he needs.

Good Luck, take care of yourself, and God BLESS!

Answer 5

What do you mean you have no money or car? Niether of you own a car? If he says the car is HIS then man have I got news for you...as his wife you automatically are entitled to everything...he can't deny you transportation, what happens if you need the car for the kids...doctor or something. If he throws something at you again...wether it hits you or not call the police, that is a form of abuse and eventually you or your kids will be hurt badly. I'm so sorry you feel stuck I know exactly how that feels. I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years and I don't have anything that is just mine or in my name...infact my credit doesn't even exist anymore..but I do know my rights. Call a lawyer and see about a free consultation at least know what your rights are and what you're entitled too.

Answer 6

How did things get to such a point of dysfunction before you decided to do something? I don't understand how you can say you love him to death, such a man as this? And now you have three children together you are thinking of divorce? Wow, what an ordeal. You two adults need to talk seriously about what's going on here and what's going to happen. You MUST get a job if you decide that you are going to divorce. Two households are more expensive than one; and 3 kids in childcare, even part-time, is expensive. Keep the trauma and drama from the kids. You and daddy love them just as much as ever, it's not their fault, they will be well taken care of, etc.. You two adults need to make solid plans so the kids are okay! You two adults may need to move so you will have the support of family to help you and the kids through this. Don't kid yourself, it won't be easy, but your job is to provide for and care and love those kids to death, not your bum of a husband.

Answer 7

Well, if you cant afford counselling, its okay, now since you have no where to go, or car or money, and 3 little ones, just ignore this man for now, if he doenst want do help around dun force him, and when he starts a quarel, ignore him, do your own work, take care of your kids at the same time, dont quit finding jobs, you will get one, well divorce is not something i would choose, you have kids, yea its true they need be raised in a good enviroment...but u need to be patient..for now thats all you can do..you need to take care of your health, for yourself and children, sumting will show up for you one day, try to avoid fights with him, take care,

Answer 8

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. Effective communication is crucial in all relationships. The first piece of advice I would like to give you is to calmly ask to talk to him for a minute. Then I want you to sit him down, look him in the eye and ask him these questions, "Do you love me?" Tell him to be honest and be serious. Then ask him "What does our marriage mean to you?" Hopefully he will be mature enough and respect you enough to sit down and have and intelligent adult discussion. During your discussion be honest and tell him how you really feel.

As far as counseling goes, most churches offer spiritual/counseling for free. If you haven't done so already I invite you to invite Christ into your life as well as your marriage. It is sad to say but a lot of people take marriage too lightly. Marriage is supposed to be a very holy and loving sacred union. Unfortunately a lot of people don't see it that way and take it for granted. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. This is the Caveman signing out. Peace and God bless.

Answer 9

Sounds like my wife's first husband....too stupid to realize that he had a good thing going. I hate for you to have to put your kids through that though. I cannot decide this for you, but there are guys out there that will appreciate you. You really need to have a serious conversation with your husband, who in my opinion, needs an intervention, if you know what I mean. But if he knows that you feel this serious about this, it may give him a wake-up call. He probably really loves you, he is just taking you for granted. As far as the violence goes, the more I think about it, he needs his a@# kicked for trying to intimidate a woman.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, you married a little boy.

He will only be happy if you be his mommy and treat him like a little boy. I'm really sorry to say, if he hasn't grown up yet, he probably won't unless he is forced to grow up.

People don't grow unless they are challenged, unless they have to learn and work for the things they want. Little boys have things given to them and as long as that happens, they will not grow up....why would they?