Lazy Husband?

Question

my husband and I have a 9 month old son and Im the only one working. Every time I mention getting a job to him he gets mad and always has an excuse why he cant work. I love him to death but I cant afford to do it by myself anymore. What should I do?

the only thing he really does is stay home and take care of the baby while I work, but when hes takin care of him he just puts him in his walker or swing and lets him go. When I get home from work I cant even rest I take over till the baby goes to bed

Answer 1

OMG ~ this is a no brainer ~ no job, kick him to the curb. Yes, it's hard, but it can be done. Trust me on this one. You are the only one working anyway. No man is that good in bed.

Answer 2

ok look he needs to either get a job or decide he is going to be a stay at home dad and if that is the case he will have to take up the responsibilities that you would have to do if he was the stay at home mom like the cleaning the laundry all that good home care stuff asnd he can't just let the baby go in the walker or swing all day he needs to also take part in active roll with the child the child needs and has the right for all his natural stimulations he needs to also set a time were he plays with the child during the day and you need to explain to your hubby if he was the one working he would expect to come home to a clean house including laundry and dishes a happy healthy baby and a good hot meal waiting on the tabel so why can't he provide the samething for you when you come home..........it sounds to me that this guy needs a serious this is how it needs to be talk or you are leaving cuz odviously u have established that you would be just fine on your own if it came down to the fact of not having him

Answer 3

Has he worked in the past? What are his excuses for not working now? Is he doing anything around the house? Does he cook and clean and care for your son? What's really going on? What did you 2 talk about when he lost/quit his last job if he had one? I don't have enough info for a good answer.

However, if he is not doing any of the above and is not helping support the household in any fashion, then, yes, he's lazy and needs to get to work pronto! You will have to stop enabling him to do this by laying down the law!! No knowing if you have family to help you out I can't suggest you throw him out if he doesn't get a job.

Answer 4

You need to talk to him. If he wants to be a stay at home dad that is not a bad thing if you can afford it, but that means doing the cooking cleaning and taking care of the baby. I would tell him he needs to get a job or take care of the baby and the house. because you can not do everything by yourself you need help.

My husband was out of work for 6 months do to surgery and I went and mowed all his lawns ( we have a landscaping company) and I came home really tired he had a glass of wine for me and dinner on the stove and everything under control. so I could sit back for a few minutes play with our son and he put dinner on the table.

You know when he went back to work I missed being cooked for and no house work.

Answer 5

I am assuming that he is at home caring for your son, because if not, and you are having to pay for childcare too, this is even worse! I have an eight month old daughter and I am at home with her while my hubby works - thats how it should be, or we could both be working, but it is absolutely not right for him to sit at home while you are taking care of the family financially. Give this man an ultimatum. He needs to get a job to help out or you need to move on! You are already proving that you can do it on your own - remind him of that so he knows you are being serious!

Answer 6

Molly, I feel for you! I was in the exact same situation, I tried and tried to get him to take some responsibility, but nothing ever changed. I took the baby and moved in with my parents so I could have some help, since he wasn't even helping with her.

If your husband is staying home and providing care for your child, you have to ask yourself what he's really contributing. Having one of his parents home with him, raising him, will help your son become a smarter, more secure, happier child. If this is the case, suck it up. Find ways to cut expenses and make sacrifices so your husband can raise your child. Eventually things will change and it'll be your turn to stay home.

But if this isn't the case, if you're taking your son to daycare while your DH contributes nothing to the household, then you have to ask yourself why you're staying. Do you really love a man who has so little respect for you and your son that he expects you to bring home a paycheck, maintain the house and raise your child while he does nothing? What is there to love?

You need to lay down the law to him. Let him know how much it costs to run your home on a monthly basis. Then let him know how much he'd have to pay in child support if you left him. The courts would force him to take financial responsibility... either that or spend time in jail. Remind him that marriage and parenting is a partnership and he needs to hold up his end. Let him know what you expect of him in terms of housework, finances, baby care, etc. If he's not willing to step up, then you have a choice to make: do you suck it up and realize you have two children to take care of, or do you ask him to leave so you don't have the financial drain from him?

Answer 7

"Lazy" is a judgemental word. Nobody likes "lazy" people. Yet you say you love this guy.

Some people are just lazy, and content to be supported by others. Sometimes, however, people suffer from emotional and mental disorders that prevent them from doing a job or even looking for one. Does your husband ever suffer from crippling anxiety that prevents him from doing things? Panic attacks? Depression? So unmotivated that he cannot even get out of bed? Anything like that?

Look for a medical reason for his problem. Then look to yourself. What are you getting out of the relationship. Nobody ever does anything for nothing. Even if it's just to be a noble martyr, people do stupid stuff in relationships.

You say you love the guy, and I accept that. However, I will say it again:

A marriage without love will not succeed, but love is not enough by itself to make a marriage work.

If your husband is sick, he is entitled to the same love and nuturing as you would give him if he had been injured in an accident or gotten a disease or something.

However, if there is nothing mentally or emotionally wrong with him, you have a choice. Put up with him. Or not.

You may have to follow the advice of those answerers who have said to punt him to the curb. Just not yet.

Answer 8

You can only do so much- You are only 1 person. My suggestion to you would be to just tell him- you can't do it all, he helped make the baby he needs to help take care of both of you. and if he gets mad then he obviously ain't taking it to seriously. To me a man that loves you and the baby will do whatever it takes to help you out and that includes a job, if he can't or wont then he aint a man at all that deserves you.

Answer 9

I bet you knew he was like that before the marriage. As you said, you loved him to death so you married the guy for love and turned your blind eyes on everything else, such as earning ability and stability. So you love him death and you work to death for him.

Many women around here say love is everything. You are the best example for them. There is nothing you can do except quitting your job, stay home and stare each other with love.

Answer 10

Tell him to get a job and support the family he wanted to create or get out. There is no sence in a man or woman that can work not to work unless it is agreed on both parts. Me and my hubby both work and we have 4 kids there are no excuses.