married and confused?

Question

ok so i got married to my husband this march. i really think i should have waited i wanted to but then he kep t sayin ghow much he loved me and would chnage a lot of things after we were married and i was stupid enough to believe him. anyways he has had a back injury for 3 years now that has gotten progressivly worse. he cant work, he hasnt gotten his car fixed in a year and drives mine, i pay all the bills and its so hard. plus we never have sex, like once a month. so i met this guy at work, he is so nice to me and treats me like a princess. i know he doesnt just want me for sex bc i wanted to sleep with him befor ehe said anything. iknow it was so wrong but i was juts so depressed and he made me feel so muhc better and i wanted to forget everyhting now i think he is really falling for me he bought me a bracelet when he was on vaction and we work toether and hes always making plans ewiht me to go to the movies and stuff. i do love my husband but i dont know if i can live like th

Answer 1

You said you really think you should have waited, too bad you didn't listen to yourself.

It does sound like he changed things, his back has gotten worse, he's driving your car, you're paying all the bills and you never have sex. He is using you big time! Yes, you were foolish to marry this guy, so now you need to dissolve the marriage. You can love him and not be married to him. I had alot of love for my ex, but I NEVER could have stayed married to him. We all want to make marriages work out, but that's just not realistic. There is no reason to stay married to someone that makes you so depressed. Life is truly too short. And if you're interested in another man, then you need to get out of this marriage BEFORE you do anything. BUT, the one thing I would like to stress is don't do it again with this new guy. Just date for awhile....jumping in and out of marriages is not healthy.

Answer 2

Girl, don't you do anything until you get out of your marriage. Regardless of how you ended up married, the fact is, you did and noone held a gun to your head. Tell your husband how you feel and maybe get some counseling. I'm not telling you to make it work because it sounds like you have already made up your mind, but take it from me, I was unfaithful years ago and I live with it to this day. I wasn't married, but none the less, the guilt will eat you away inside and ruin you for future relationships. If you are unhappy, get out. That's it. It may not be easy, but it's life. Consider this a learning experience and DEAL WITH IT!! You cannot run or hide from this and you cannot rely on people like me on a website to help. This is your situation and you have to confront it head on. You got married and you do,wheter you think so or not, owe your husband the respect of honesty and loyalty until he is no longer your husband. Yes, you should not have married him if you were having doubts, and it sucks that you pay all the bills, I've been there to, but the decision to go thru with the marriage was yours so you must handle this before you start confusing yourself even more. Office romances never end well, I'd be careful.

Answer 3

The grass always looks greener on the other side.

You only know the side of this OTHER guy that he is showing you. Keep in mind that while he can lay it on thick now, he could be very different once the tables are turned and you are in a relationship with him.

You have to understand that at this point, this "relationship" you have with the OTHER guy is every guy's ideal set-up. He can see you WHEN HE WANTS, he buys you things WHEN HE WANTS, and he can pretty much say anything to you to get you emotionally riled up. He knows that you are in a tough situation, and in my opinion, he is taking advantage of the fact.

Remember, he can leave the whole drama at the work place. He doesn't have to take it home with him.

As far as you are concerned, you know cheating is wrong. I don't care if your husband hasn't worked in 20 years, and sits around all day watching TV. No one deserves to be cheated on. If you really think you want out, then GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE. Stop stringing him along.

But be careful. This other guy knows that you are emotionally vulnerable, and he is working that angle. Don't get yourself too emotionally attached to this guy. If he is willing to sleep with you, WHILE YOU ARE MARRIED, who is to say that he won't sleep with someone else if you and him begin a relationship?

Just because he bought you a trinket on vacation does not mean he is falling in love with you. Sorry to break your heart. He sees you as something that someone else has. He knows how to charm you, and you are making it easy. Be real, sweetheart, anyone can go to the movies with you. The neighbor lady can go out with you to the movies! Going to the movies does not mean he is ready to make a commitment.

As far as your marriage...if you are really ready to call it quits, then do so. Stop beating around the bush.

But if you want to try and change things, then sit down and talk to your husband, and maybe go to some counseling.

Answer 4

Ok girl. You need to take a step back and think about it. I have been in your situation, except it was a little different. I am 25 years old and my husband is 34. He has 4 kids, I have none. I have to deal with his drama and his brats. I get tired of feeling like I am never appreciated and always having to spend my money on his kids. After all, they are his kids, right? I make the most money so I have to pay for more than my fair share of everything. It got really tough when I went back to school and there was this guy that I felt really attracted to. I don't really think he was cute, but it was because he gave me attention and made me feel special. So many times I wanted to go out with him, but I never did. I always had to sit back and take a look at the overrall picture. Is my marriage really worth doing this? I can't judge my husband because he doesn't make as much money as I do, after all, I accepted him that way. You have to do the same thing. How do you think he feels? Is this guy really worth destroying your marriage? And if so, then you should get out of your marriage before you cheat on your husband. Don't be the type of person that everyone hates. If your husband was in your shoes, how would you feel about him feeling this way about another man?

Answer 5

From what you say there is nothing positive about your marriage, no wonder your in the arms of another man your mariage was over before it began,you had doubts about geting married and now you are you see your husband for what he really is, he is a leech he told you things would change that should have been your first warning sign.What you need to think about is this do you just love your husband or are you in love with him,there is a diference I dont think you are in love with him but think you do love him,this other guy what are your feelings for him? You need time out away from them both to sort your feelings out,dont compare them to each other,look at your true feelings and be honest with yourself if you do this it will be easier to be honest with each of them do this as soon as possible before things go further.

If you want to talk e-mail me I will help you im not nosey I kind of know what your going through,Ive been there and its not easy till you decide what you really want in your life and where you want it to go,and its not being selfish we tend to think of everyone elses feelings through guilt,but you have to think of yourself some times,good luck dont leave things too long it will only make it worse for all involved..

Answer 6

Sounds like you need to talk to your husband about this one. No one here can tell you what you know you need to do. That is be honest with him, and stop gossiping behind his back. If you love your husband and want to continue the relatationship you both have to know what you are dealing with!! Keeping him in the dark is only making you worse. Eventally it will all fester and you think you have problems now? When you marry you marry better or worse!!!! Even with a back injury! Maybe he wants you to leave! You need to tell him your problems, all shame aside.

Answer 7

first let me say these kinds of feelings in a marriage are completely normal.
marriage is hard enough without adding some physical problems and financial problems.
If you love your husband and want to be married to him I suggest you work on it, you at least owe it to him to not cheat on him. If you want to venture outside the marriage then you need to end things with your husband first.
Affairs only make things more complicated and make people hurt worse than if they would of just been told.
I would suggest talking to your husband and see if he is willing to work on the marriage and what things you can do to change and ways he can change too.

Answer 8

I'm sorry this is your reality now, but you're married and you're obligated to try your best to make this a workable situation for you both. It's not a death sentence though. Many things could change for the better with some professional intervention and loving support. Try to seek out the assistance you need. Good luck.

Answer 9

Does the other guy know your married? And if your not happy and your husband doesnt change than you need to move on or things will get worst it will become a love triangle.lol

Answer 10

You and your husband need to go to a marriage counselor. You also need to talk with your husband about both of your problems. Most importantly, forget about that guy at work. Is marriage only about sex?