Here is another poem i made up today
it doesnt have a title do u know one?
tell me if it makes sense
and if it doesnt tell me what i have to change..please
Look at me
And what do u see
Look at me
What do u feel
Look at me
What do u hear
Look at me
What is wrong
Can I ask am I in love
With a boy who is only 17
Is it right for me not to be free
Free from haters
Liars
And cheaters
Or from the
Un joyful
Un soulful
and unfaithful
Look at me
And what do u see
Look at me
What do u feel
Look at me
What do u hear
Look at me
What is wrong
I can tell you
I can see you by me
I can feel your body against mine
I can hear your voice so tender and mild
But there is nothing wrong with me AT all
2007-06-13 11:14:55 · 11 answers · asked by Breenee 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's not bad. Just straight to the point. What I got from it was that you want the reader to just see you for what is there. What feelings you old deep and being honest with yourself and the love you have.
Keep writing ^.^
2007-06-13 11:18:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggestion Title: This love
My Appreciation from 0-10: 5
I wasn't very impressed, good poems for me usually rime better, but it's nice to see you are in love... i think, and more, if he's 17 you must be what, 14? :) I would say don't get your hopes up a lot... i doubt that he will treat you like a princess with that age, but i know that that's what you deserve
2007-06-13 18:23:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the poem is good but i think you should make the 5 cilibles in oeach line work oncve in a while HOWEVER it is really good. i would say the tile you actually have been repeting throught the whole poem is 'look at me"
2007-06-13 18:22:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a good poem but the end i really didnt like the way it ended! ur smart keep this up and some day you can write a book of poems ,that i will buy ok...
2007-06-13 18:24:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Have you considered a title such as..."Just Look At Me"? Simple, yes, but it kind of goes along with your poem. I like your poem though.
2007-06-13 18:22:46 · answer #5 · answered by ♫Ʀɑɕɧɛɭ♫ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's good, maybe Look At Me would be a good title?
2007-06-13 18:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, Look at me...
but ptherwise i got nothin.
i like it though.
2007-06-13 18:19:51 · answer #7 · answered by Privy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I'm looking
2007-06-13 18:19:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Possible titles: "I'm O.K. being me"
"Free being me"
"Love me, and let me be me"
"Love me or not, I love being me"
"Love me or not, I'm free being me"
"Who I am"
2007-06-13 18:27:39 · answer #9 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it has very self and unself-rightiousness to it....
I LIKE IT!
2007-06-13 18:25:47 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋