What to do if Wife doesn't end it??

Question

Okay, I have already posted some of this.. my wife is having a long distance relationship (California to Chicago) via email, phone, text message. I have asked her to end it. I have explained that with anohter man in the picture we cannot repair us. I have explained that NO MAN can be Friends with a woman, sorry my opinion. She really see nothing wrong with it because they have not had sex. The only thing she is truly sorry for is hurting me.

My question is this: what the world am I going to do ifshe does not end it after I have asked her to and told her exactly how I feel??

Okay... this part I left out... yes the emails and text's are innapropriate... some sex talk even. Most of it has been how much he means to her, etc...

Answer 1

First let me say yes, men and women can be just friends. HOWEVER: your wife may not be having a physical affair on you but she is having an affair. If she still has not ended contact after you speaking to her, then one she isn't as sorry for hurting you as she claims and two, let her be this other guys problem. Go find someone that will love, honor and cherish you.

Answer 2

She is caught up in the excitement of this new man, and is not listening or respecting your opinion or feelings. She needs a wake up call. Give her an ultimatum, this man or you. This is not a marriage if one person is turning to someone else to fulfill their needs. It might not be a physical affair, but it is still an affair - an emotional one. If he is 'just a friend', why can't you both be friends with him, why is it just her friend? She is treading on dangerous ground, taking the chance of losing her husband for some guy across the country. She is living in a fantasy world that revolves around him, not you. What are they talking about? You? Your marriage? It's just total disrepect on her part. You have to step up and lay it all out on the table - him or you. She knows she is hurting you, but she continues anyway! Nip it in the bud. You deserve better.

Answer 3

Are these emails, text, phone conversations inappropriate sexually?
If they are, then you have a problem. If they aren't...you are the problem.
you married her, she didn't sign over her independence to you and become your slave.

Ok...with the additional information that this is not a friendship between her and him, but that this is a sexual and romantic relationship, I'll take that part back accusing you of trying to make a slave out of her. :D
Why don't you ask her how she would feel if you were doing the same? You may have different morals, and she might think an open marriage is ok. If you rule that out, and she doesn't believe that, then ask her why she continues, and that you feel the relationship is inappropriate and a form of infidelity. See how she responds.
If she doesn't agree to talk it out, but gets sneaky about it instead, there's the dealbreaker.

Answer 4

i was with you until you said "no man can be friends with a woman." then, i started to wonder if there are other factors you are conveniently not mentioning. i'm a 40 year old guy and i can assure you i have many female friends--and no, i am not harboring sexual fantasies about any of them. the trick is to have interests you talk about or share beyond just personal relationships--also, don't place yourself in tempting situations. don't go with each other to a conference far away, get drunk and for convenience share an apt. etc. if you are so close minded, perhaps you are forcing an issue that shouldn't be. married or single, a woman is entitled to talk to whomever she wishes. now, if their relationship is very personal-then her excuse that they have not slept together is sadly lacking. there are so many ways to cheat besides having sex. truthfully, the two of you seem quite incompatible and obstinate. i would split responsibly.

Answer 5

Stop "explaining" things to her. It leaves room for argument and it sounds controlling. You can't control what she does/doesn't do. You can only control you. I suggest you refer to this relationship as an affair because it is. That makes it sound more serious, which it is. Do NOT argue this point with her. She wants to have this relationship and will use holes in your argument to justify. Tell her that she may do as she chooses, but if she continues her affair, you will (insert outcome here). Maybe you want to separate, legally separate, divorce, start selling off joint property in preparation for divorce. But most of all, make sure you tell her you love her (if that's true) and you want to meet all of her needs so she won't feel the need to turn to another man and offer to go to counselling. But don't back down or make this easy for her to get away with.

Answer 6

I went back and read some of your other questions and it sounds like you guys are in some serious trouble.
She spends too much money, she doesn't have a job and sounds like she is bored, she is having an emotional affair. Were you in your negative down spiral before or after this started? You need to get some counseling for yourself first and maybe some meds. Once you get yourself healthy then you can contend with her. Try to get into counseling with her. If she is telling someone else she loves them and talking about sex she is on a dangerous road to losing you. But please get to therapy soon for yourself. You need to start respecting yourself first.

Answer 7

You need to move on, she is having an affair, it's just like cyber girls with husbands. If the man lived here do you think they would be having sex? Move on with your life and find a woman who will treat you the way you deserve. You honestly sound like your one of the good guys.

Answer 8

I disagree that men and women can't be "just friends." They certainly can. But, that's another issue.

If your wife won't end a relationship after you have asked her to do so, you need marriage counseling badly. She is "emotionally involved" with this guy and that is what she SHOULD be with you. Everything she is telling him, she should be telling you. You can't make her do it, though. If you are trying to control her, that will not work (and it is wrong). You both have to WANT your marriage to work to improve it. If she doesn't want it to work, she's not going to cooperate. Take it from there.

Answer 9

Well if she can't end it to save her marriage then she is letting you know what is more important to her. It's not about sex it's about giving yourself to someone else emotionally and that to me is considered having an affair of some sorts. I say you have to make yourself happy and if she isn't thinking about your happiness then you should. Just tell her you refuse to do this any longer and she needs to make decision about what she wants to do. If she doesn't end it then you have your answer. Good Luck remember to put your happiness first!!!

Answer 10

Sometimes an emotional affair is worse than a physical affair. Personally I think you will have to see a counselor and see if they can get through to her to get her to see your point of view. Otherwise, I think the relationship is over emotionally so I would end it.