My husband lied about looking at internet porn...?

Question

I am not upset that he does it....I am upset that he hides it from me. He thinks because he deletes it out of the history that there is no record of it. I ask him if he did it and he has said no repeatedly. Why does he lie when I don't get mad about the porn....should I be mad because he lies??

If he lies about this...what else is he hiding...that is what I am concerned with.

Another note...we JUST got married and he looks at it every day when he gets home from work....he doesn't want me at all....that is why I check the net. Its not every once in a while its every day

P.S. I ask him if he wants to look at it with me and he never seems interested. I have watched porns with him before but it is rare...he doesn't want me involved

Answer 1

I know this situation far too well (unfortunately for me, but if I speak wisely, fortunately for you?)
He's a porno addict. They refuse to stop, and they will jeopardize their relationship and even lose the one they love in order to have their porn.
They "use" porn, and then what happens is that ordinary physical intimacy becomes difficult for them. That's because porn doesn't require any interaction on the part of the male who is addicted, and he can play a passive role sexually and still get his rocks off. Sex with a real person without a scripted fantasy becomes boring because they are now, simply put, twisted in their views on sexuality. Fantasy sex has become more real to them than real sex.
They lie because part of the reason they enjoy it is that it is a secret from you, a clandestine affair, of sorts, and they also feel guilty, and they like that feeling in a way, because it makes the whole porn thing even more naughty.
They also lie because they know that it is immature and that you wouldn't approve if you knew he was having sex more with porn than with you, which I see from what you write that he is. It's pure immature and selfish behavior, to put it bluntly, you have a sexual kid on your hands, not somebody who views sex in a relationship as part of intimacy, but not all of it.
The guilt factor feeds the desire to be a "bad boy", so if you chastise him because of it, he will more than likely increase, not decrease, his use.
Just thoughts from a wife who has been there....

Answer 2

I suspect that he is concerned that you will be upset no matter what you might say. He worries that you will think he does it because he is not interested in you. That you will (like others have actually said it is) consider it cheating. He choses to deny it as the "lesser of two evils". Perhaps showing interest in it yourself will help him relax about it. If it turely does not bother you, maybe you can use it as a way to "set the mood" or "get new ideas". It will definitely give you some insight into his fantasies. That may also be part of it. He may be concerned that you will find that his fantasies are "preverse" and be upset. Maybe, since you know how to find that he is visiting the sites even though he tries to delete the history, check the sites yourself. Find something that actually interests you or turns you on, and "get caught" looking at the site or make it so he can "accidentally" discover that you have been viewing the sites.

Answer 3

yes leave him alone he's not doing real women behind your back and the young perfect body girls that love to do things that you rather not dont pop out of the screen and touch him and they probably would not give him the time of day if they by some incredibly minute chance ran into him in public and he is not spending all his extra money on lap dances at the strip club who is the sexiest celebrity you wouldnt mind doing you share your sexual fantasies about other men with your husband and would he react like you probably would jealous and insecure some what is so wrong with him having some private activity that he is not sharing with any one but himself is he supposed to give up all individuality and rights to private moments or masterbation because he is now married community property if you are still enjoying an active sex life then you should consider respecting his right to watch porn and surf the internet how would you feel if he was snooping through your things and would you want to have sex with some insecure busybody hounding you like a parent

Answer 4

You should be upset with him because he lies. In a marriage, I beleive there should be no secrets/lies. You said that he doesn't want you at all. So, it feels like he'd rather look at that, than to have what's right in front of him, right? Like you're not good enough for him, or you don't please him, right? You're right to think that if he's lieing to you about online porn, he may be lieing about other things too. I'm not sure what's right for you, but you need to sit down with him and talk about this. It's not right that he's making you feel this way, and not really caring that his actions are hurting you. If you don't sit down with him soon and let him know EXACTLY how you feel, and what it means to you for him to not lie to you, it will only get worse, and this little "habbit" of his will go further than just LOOKING at online porn. Situation sucks, I know. Luckily, my husband has changed, and things are much better between us. Still have a little work to do, but at least he's willing to do what it takes to make sure that I know he loves me, and that nothing is worth hurting me over.... I really hope you have the same luck! But, you'll never know if you don't sit down and REALLY talk about it with him. Good luck!!!

Answer 5

You didn't say so but it's quite obvious he is also masturbating when he watches it, otherwise he would want you more often. Men lose all interest in sex after they have gotten off, at least until the next day. You could try getting him off more often yourself and keep him drained dry-so-to-speak and he will not have that "want to" for looking at porn. Pretend you are becoming a nymphomaniac and tell him you want more and want it more often. and make it clear to him he can watch all the porn he wants just as long as he gives you all you want. This might be an unorthodox approach but it might just work. And you don't have to make him go through the act of intercourse every time you want to get him off since you might not want to do it that often yourself but there are other ways to make him ejaculate. Be creative! Tell him you like to get him off and you like to see him ejaculate, etc. even if you don't. Men are turned on by this anyway. They like a woman who is agressive and who enjoys watching them shoot. Let him masturbate on you too, tell him it turns you on. Play the hussy - sl* t If that doesn't work start putting some "progesterone" in his food. That''ll cool down his libido in about a week or so. They give it to sexual criminals, perverts, etc and they evenutally lose all interest in sex.

Answer 6

I understand how you feel. It's not about what he did but the fact that he LIED about it. Sort of makes you wonder what else he lies about and your imagination just takes over. But I think maybe he was just very embarrassed about what he was looking at. Because it's one thing to watch porn together, but if caught doing it alone, maybe he thought you would get hurt and think that he didn't want to share that part of his sexual activity with you. All you can do is be understanding as much as possible about why he lied about it, and let him know repeatedly that you don't have a problem with him going solo on the porn at times. I mean, sometimes we're too tired to participate in activities with our partner and just want to fly solo. You have every right to be hurt about this, but I think with time it might get easier to handle, and then maybe he can be more honest with you.

Answer 7

He is probably hiding it because he is addicted.

Pornography is like crack cocaine to the use (I AM serious) I know because I used to be addicted, and I help other men who are.

Even if you are not mad about it, he still feels that it is wrong. As long as he feels it is wrong in increases the "high" that he gets from it.

Tell him you are there to help him with it. Porn can ruin a marriage, and I would hate to have that happen.

A website to check out is.

Answer 8

I understand your concern, but I don't know what you should do. The fact of the matter is, you can't trust him, and your marriage is in danger of failing because of that (what kind of marriage is it when you can't trust each other?) My best advice is to talk to him about it - don't accuse or put him on the defensive, but be honest with your feelings. If this doesn't work, you could try counseling, but I don't see how that might help either. You can either wait it out or leave. Also, try this: put on something sexy and seduce him. Perhaps that is part of the problem.

Answer 9

He lies because most women flip out over that sort of thing even when they say they won't. If it is something that doesn't bother you then do not ask or search to see if he is looking at it. If you really want him to be open about it, do it too and let him know you do it.

Answer 10

well i would make him aware that you are aware he is looking at it, and tell him you dont care but why lie about is what i would ask... another concern if it is interfering in your love making and he does not want to be with you once he looks at that, then its going to have to stop... to me if you have a real women waiting for you in the next room why get off on such stuff just doesnt make sense, i feel its really disrespecting you to even look at other women like that... cuz then it makes you wonder who he is really doing when you two do have sex...