I love him dearly!! But I have to think of my future here! I'm gonna need help with mortgage payments and bills once we get married! I told him I would not make any marriage plans until he's settled at a job... I can't do it all on my own and I'm sick of him not working! He tries and looks for jobs but I think he can try harder. He's the type that would NEVER work at a fruitmarket or McDonalds just to get paid. I feel he has no choice at this point.
2007-06-13 09:35:24 · 59 answers · asked by ♥ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We do not live together. He has his own place. I do NOT pay his rent OR bills. He has a savings from working at Chrysler
2007-06-13 09:58:28 · update #1
umm, if he's not making an effort to look for a job then thats a problem, but if he's doing he's best then support him. Finding jobs these days isnt easy. It took me about a years and a half to get one.
2007-06-13 09:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by sexy love 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If the man can't find a job in 2 years then he is not looking to work. If you marry him, you will be supporting him the rest of your life. If you get pregnant or sick then what? You can't count on him to help you. Love don't pay the rent. I am sure he can find some sort of work until he gets back on his feet but, staying home watching Jerry Springer is not going to help your marriage. This is clearly not a man I would want as a husband.
2007-06-13 09:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it is not selfish. It is smart. With all the jobs available he should have landed something right now unless he has poor job skills. Before my husband and I got married he got laid off and went to a day labor site each day till he found a better job. He will do anything to support me and our future and that my dear is love and responsibility. To be able to hang your pride on the door and walk into a service job like McDonald's or grocery is a strength of character too many people lack.
2007-06-13 09:40:33 · answer #3 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can't find a job in two years of looking? That's pretty bad. So you're supporting him while he stays at home watching Judge Judy all day?
I think that ultamatims don't work really, he's not going to get motivated after all this time. You should really be aware of the legal and financial realities of getting married. He could never find a job, and if things don't work out, then he could end up with half your bank account and half your house (if you buy one). Depends on which state you are in, really.
I would postpone the wedding date until he gets stable employment. If he shows no desire to get a job, then you have a problem that is only going to get worse over time. Many marraiges break up over money issues, and his lack of desire to work is a major money issue.
You should find a guy who will act as a partner with you in all aspects of life, not someone whom you secretly (or openly) resent for his lack of work ethic. I think that unless he gets off his butt soon, this relationship is doomed.
2007-06-13 09:43:15 · answer #4 · answered by TubThumpin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
TWO years? Yeah, I would say you were justified. Whatever you do, do NOT marry him until he proves he can carry his half of the load. You can't do everything yourself. It just doesn't work that way. I hate to sound mean, but think really carefully about this. Odds are this is a sign of how things are going to be. If he would rather be unemployed than work at a McDonald's, what does that say about him? He is very fortunate that you have stayed as long as you have. You are justified to dump his sorry butt and move on, but at the very least, make him go to couples' counseling and work this out before you even THINK of marrying him. It could work out, but you are going to need to be firm and show him some tough love. It might mean kicking him out or leaving for awhile to send your message. If you are not willing to just let him go, try the counseling. If that doesn't work, then you need to leave him, at least until he proves he can work. I know it is a tough situation to be in, and I'm sorry you have to experience this. Good luck!
2007-06-13 09:41:51 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He gained't pass again to how he replaced into once because he replaced into by no ability fairly that way contained in the first position, he replaced into basically performing to get you. Now that he has you he basically needs to regulate you and so a methods he has been getting away with it. I dated a guy like that and when I were given uninterested and in a position to pass, he might want to cry and say he might want to do some thing if i might want to stay. He replaced into continually fairly tremendous for per week or a month yet although to the similar old crap. Please get out now and paintings on your self-esteem before transferring right into a clean relationship. I nevertheless love my previous boyfriend now, yet we were no longer a competent couple - I thank God we did no longer have youngsters!
2016-11-23 18:24:35 · answer #6 · answered by parrilla 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it does sound quite selfish, but I do know how important it is to have enough money to live.
Is he not looking for a job?
I can understand that he doesn't want to work at a dump. Why doesn't he put his resume on monster.com or something? If he doesn't have a lot of skills, he may need to apply for an entry level job.
I do understand what you are going through, though.
My fiance DOES work, but I don't see a future with his current job. I'm afraid that his boss will eventually cap his pay... PLUS he doesn't get benefits and his boss cheats the IRS.
I wouldn't leave him, but you need to keep putting stress on him and let him know how important this is to YOU and YOUR lives together.
2007-06-13 09:39:34 · answer #7 · answered by Linzie0901 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
2 years is a long time to be laid off. Tell him to get a job in construction or something. Anything to pay the bills. You have done right! The last thing you need is to be saddled into supporting a man who has no intentions of getting a job.
2007-06-13 09:38:47 · answer #8 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is this mooch living with you? You have to put a stop to that. I know you love him, but does he love you back? Part of love is sacraficing for each other. Obviously you are doing your part. If he isn't willing to take a job that might be beneath him to help you with your bills I don't think he really loves you. He should be kissing the ground you walk on and letting you stay home while he supports you. He could get a job if he wanted one. He's using you. Give him an ultimatum.
2007-06-13 09:41:39 · answer #9 · answered by justcallmeriss 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know that you're not going to like hearing this (there goes my chance at a "Best Answer" :), but I do believe that you are being a bit harsh.
If he wasn't actively looking for jobs, and was just freeloading, then I'd say ditch him, but as he is genuinely trying, all withstanding, I'd say that you should stick with him.
Let him know your concerns, and see how he reacts. If he concedes that a stint at McDonalds is necessary to keep your relationship alive, then you have truely found a good man.
If he simply refuses, then it may be time to move on...
2007-06-13 09:45:11 · answer #10 · answered by Citi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a tough situation for both of you and certainly it does put a strain on things. If he has been out of work for a while with no sign of a job then he should take something to pay his way if he isnt doing that well I think you may have a point. What would he do if you werent there to help him ???? Nothing for you to feel bad about. Dont know what you should do that is for you to decide but wish you luck
2007-06-13 09:51:47 · answer #11 · answered by Magster 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋