Should I get married?

Question

My live-in girlfriend of two years is great, but lately she's been pressuring me for marriage. Previously this seemed to be a foregone conclusion...we were both confident we'd get married one day and have kids. Now I'm not too sure. We're both in our mid-20s, and I've done a lot of growing up and changing in the past year. I feel like I'm a different person, and who I've become doesn't dovetail with what my girlfriend wants out of our married life.

The thing is, she's the absolute epitome of a great girlfriend. Sassy, demure, beautiful, panther in bed. I've met dozens of guys who would love to be in my shoes, but for some reason I feel that I'm moving away from her and turning my back on our relationship.

I'm no dumbass either...I'm keenly aware of what I stand to lose if I end this. Sometimes it seems like it's just a matter of me accepting a few of her negative aspects and moving on.

She's expecting a ring before the end of the year....please help.

We've already had our "I'm scared of marriage" conversation. She said that she would leave if I did not marry her...she said it was time to stop wasting time. If we both wanted to get married, why wait? My stalling implied to her that I was holding out for something better.

She's smart, career-oriented and would make a great mother for our family. She loves my family but I'm not too crazy about hers. All my friends and family love her...and if she clicks with my friends and family, what is so wrong that she won't fit for me?

Answer 1

Ok, you listed alot of things that you say "make her a great girlfriend". Take a closer look at everything you listed. What about smart, kind, caring, considerate, trustworthy, communicative, creative, talented, and much much more? I'm not trying to lecture you but the impression you're giving off is that, you don't want to let this girl go because "she's hot" or whatever. But you're not sure if you're on the same emotional or goal-oriented level. It sounds like surface-love to me. Do both of you a favor and don't buy that ring.

Answer 2

Sassy, demure, beautiful, panther in bed. She would need more quality than that to be a great wife. If you are not ready and feel pressured you should let her know if she loves you she will understand and wait. Not every relationship ends in marriage, but 87% of marriage ends in divorce. You can fine another lady out there that is Sassy, demure, beautiful, panther in bed but what other qualities does she have that we make you stay for the next 50years when the skin is wrinkled and panther is tamed because it does happen. Good Luck and really think about this.

Answer 3

No one sould get married before they are 30...but I hear your situation and look you can do 2 things...
1. Get her the ring and then use the planning time 12-18 months to figure it out;
2. Assess you gut feelings. Your gut will tell you something is wrong long before you can rationalize what it is. There is a book called Blink that discusses this and the reason is that the brain is so powerful that it's constantly taking in information and processing. So when people say go with your "Gut reaction" or "Gut feeling" thats your brain knowing the answer but your rational thinking process has not found a way to process the info into something you can understand...i.e she is controlling, a gold digger; lazy....whatever it is.

Now it sounds like you have a good woman, so maybe go with the first option while your brain processes more....?

Answer 4

I think the fact that she has put pressure on your proposal and a ring is whats making you want to back out of this. No one should be pressured into marriage because its a big step in life. Its very common for someone to want to slow down when they hear the word 'marriage,' so dont think you're the only one.

The thing you need to do now is talk to her about how you feel. Tell her you dont appreciate all this pressure of marriage and are thinking of slowing down because you feel you arent ready to step that step yet.

You could be ready and you dont even know. I suggest watching the movie "The Notebook" or other marrital movies to try to place yourself into perspective and see if your heart feels warm or cold to the thought.

Answer 5

It's time to put all your doubts aside and focus on what's really going on.

Do you love her? You say that you the person that you are becoming isn't in line with want she wants in married life. Therefore, since you know what you are giving up, it is time that you give her up and allow a man that can fuflill her needs enter into her life. Right now, you are stalling for time, thinking that maybe something will change but in reality, you are givng your girlfriend false hopes into marrying you.

Answer 6

If you feel you've changed, it's time to move on. Everyone changes, and chances are you aren't going to revert back to your old ways. She may be a great girl and a great catch, but if you don't feel it for her anymore, let her be happy and find that happiness with someone else. At least you know it won't take her very long.

Answer 7

Ok, all i read was your question "Should I get married?" and i can answer it without even reading the rest. The answer is NO. If you are not sure, which obviously you are not since you are asking us here on yahoo, then you should not do it. Wait until you feel 100% positive that it is the right thing to do.

Answer 8

If you're asking this question on Yahoo, then the answer is no!! Just because she's perfect doesn't mean that she's perfect for you. Just like you said, you'ved changed. It wouldn't be fair if you proposed to her "just because she wants you to." You need to want it too. End of the year is still 6 months away.....think about it.

Answer 9

Reality check: She's in her mid-20's. Her ovaries are at the peak of harvest. She wants to make it legal before harvest time.

If you don't want to marry her let her know. Then she can make the decision whether to take a gamble on you or find a man for her unharvested crop.

Answer 10

Gee, a big part of a successful marriage is open and honest communication. Why not tell her this? Her reaction will likely tell you what you need to do.