When I met my husband he drank but not as much as he does now and I have been trying to get him to stop because it has gotten out of hand and has caused alot of problems. I am I wrong if I make him choose between me or the drinking?
2007-06-13 08:19:18 · 16 answers · asked by sarah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, hate to say this, but you did know before you got married that this was a problem, and you still married him.
But, having said that, nagging him will just the problem worse. The only way you an deal with this is to tell him either quit drinking or you are out-of-there, and mean it. Don't threaten or promise to do something you aren't REALLY willing to do. But it will not get better until he HAS to make it better.
2007-06-13 08:23:42 · answer #1 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. If his drinking is getting worse then it is time to take a stance. If he wants to get and stay drunk then let him choose which is more important, You or his bottle.
I won't tell you to go to counseling because he won't go. If he does go it will only be to pacify you until you are not angry anymore. You say that when you met your husband and he only drank socially, well guess what, he was putting up a front for you. You can't get him to stop drinking, only he can stop himself. Addiction is not for the faint hearted. It will be a long hard road before he finally stops if he ever does stop. Protect your well being and do what you are strong enough to do.
Peace
2007-06-13 15:32:13 · answer #2 · answered by MissUnderstood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation. My husband drank alot and i told him I wasnt going to put up with it since it caused us a lot of problems and I made him choose and he made the right decision. I told him that it wasnt necessary that he stop drinking all together but that he needed to slow down a lot and drink in moderation. Im fine with him having a few beers with friends on the weekend. Now of course you cant deny him the occassional party night with his friends as long as he limits himself. Try that and hopefully it works out for you like it did for me.
2007-06-13 15:26:03 · answer #3 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you're not wrong, but I would give it a little more work first. Don't just tell him, Stop drinking, stop drinking. Encourage him to go to AA or counseling to get help for his addiction. Chances are, he doesn't want to choose between the two of you... he's sick and needs help.
If he won't have it, then you have to do what's right for yourself.
2007-06-13 15:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well im not gunna choose what you should do but some suggestions would be to say you need to stop drinking or else this isnt gunna work out. If it gets way too outta hand just find another guys there is pleanty of guys out there who would luv to be with you!
2007-06-13 15:24:10 · answer #5 · answered by Fergie F 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not in the wrong for throwing the ultimatum at him, just don't be surprised when he chooses the booze. Alcoholics have to WANT to change and it can't be forced on them. If you can't stand it, then you need to leave for the sake of your own sanity. Only agree to come back to him after he's in a treatment program and dry for at least a year.
2007-06-13 15:56:23 · answer #6 · answered by Charlie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's drinking too much then he's an alcoholic and needs to get help for that. That is not on you. It's on him to fix.
Don't throw down an ultimatum on this unless you really are willing to pack bags and walk though. But if he's on a destructive path, mark your own exit route and be ready to move on it.
2007-06-13 15:24:03 · answer #7 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom gave my dad that choice 35 yrs ago, he's still around !!
my best friend gave her child's father that choice, he chose the drinking, he's now in prison for 5 years after his 5th DUI.
If you can't handle his drinking and refuses to acknowledge your fears then you need to decide whats going to be best for you, just make sure if you make the threat be prepared to follow through.
2007-06-13 15:29:22 · answer #8 · answered by michele_zanella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong if you make him choose. Unless he gets help your best to get out of the relationship before things become worse!! Good Luck!!
2007-06-13 15:25:07 · answer #9 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sarah - please do not give him an ultimatum, but do TAKE him to an AA meeting (check your local phone book or on-line for meeting times/places) and suggest you both talk to a counselor.
You CANNOT make him stop drinking, but you can tell him how it makes you feel and ask him to get some help.
2007-06-13 15:25:43 · answer #10 · answered by dragonsong 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋