My husband of 2 years - dated for 8 has been acting strange, most recently - I woke up at 12am and he wasnt home, when i called him to ask where he was he said don't worry about it i don't have to know everything. I'm hurt, we have two kids together (close in age). I'm trying everything I can to save this marriage, I pray and think VERY hard before I speak, I've lost 10 pounds, I put more effort into my housecleaning and beauty routines. I try to have a hot meal on the table by 7 ( I work 40 hrs/wk) I want my husband to be happy, but how much of myself am I supposed to compromise to do this. He doesn't help with feedings, doesn't come to church, just hangs out and plays on myspace. I'm very tired and need advice from a non-involved party. Our friends and family have clearly started to take sides. I don't want a divorce, he doesn't want counseling, I'm so confused and upset.
2007-06-13 08:00:31 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me say this...compromising has to happen on both sides to work. I just got out of a relationship where I did alot of compromising to make him happy, but in that I lost who I really was and in the end, he still wasnt happy. Don't give up on your marriage until you can't put any more into it. But once you given it all you got and things don't change, let him go. You'll drive yourself crazy. If you ask me, you already do more than most. He needs to be worried about whether you'll leave him! He will use you if you allow him to. Stay strong and I really do wish you the best.
2007-06-13 08:13:11 · answer #1 · answered by HoneyB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has lost interest. It's unfortunate for you to go through this but sometimes, life throws us curves that we aren't willing to adjust to.
since you have children, it's time that you put their needs above your own and concentrate on maintaining their happiness because your husband has totally withdrawn from you and the children.
If he is on myspace, nine times out of ten, he's either talking to another woman or he's seeing another woman or several. If he doesn't want to talk, then you cannot make him talk. The best you can offer this marriage is honesty on your part and acceptance to the situation. Although you may want your husband to be happy, he isn't. Somewhere down the line, your marriage begin to crumble. You didn't pick up on the clues that he was giving you and now you are at a point where it may be hard to get him back.
Regardless as to how clean the house is and the beauty routines you keep up, he's not paying it any attention. He's past that point. If you want your husband back, you must take risks.
You know your husband better than anyone and you must appeal to that side of your man that holds a weakness.
Good luck...
2007-06-13 08:15:30 · answer #2 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it's your turn now!
Make an appointment at a nice salon/spa, pamper yourself as many ways as possible.
Shop for a new outfit, since you've obviously lost weight from all your hard work! Good job!
Get out of the house & have fun. Remove yourself from that negative atmosphere, then think about what's going on from outside the mommy/wife bubble.
Now how does it look? The answers are plain.
Don't worry... You're a strong woman already to run the household, work 40hrs wk & still keep your cool.
Remember you can't help anyone until you know how to help yourself first. You are all you need.
2007-06-13 08:30:58 · answer #3 · answered by Froulicious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all marriages work and its clear that your isn't. Why do you say you dont want a divorce? Doesnt seem like hes still in the marriage. For him to leave the house at midnite and tell you dont worry bout it is a totally form of disrespect.Is this the first start to this madness? You have to face reality wake up and smell the coffee. You know and understand clearly whats going on. Everything in your question also answers it. Read it out loud and then tell yourself whats you need to do. Hes not in love with you and hes still there for the kids maybe but... maybe not. Dont be a fool and dont let anyone disrespect you. If you dont do it for yourself do it for the kids!! GET OUT
2007-06-13 08:25:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry dear, he may have gotten involved with some computer romance. I did this myself, because I was very lonely, and I made myself just miserable. Maybe he has just been put down, and is all confused himself, he may be suffering. As for yourself, all you can do is pray and put it all into Gods hands sweetie. That is where I am right now. I am much older than you, but just as hurt and alone. You can only do so much, and give so much of yourself, and that may not make any difference at all. Just try to talk to him, and ask him what the problem is. He may be tired of you, I am sorry, Sometimes having children causes the man to feel left out. Who knows what the problem is. Sometimes these things just happens, and we can't help it. I feel out of love with my first wife, and I tried not too, but it happened anyway. I am sorry, just be thankful that whatever happens, you are young enough to have a good life, and you will get over it, and your children are young enought for it to have the least affect on them. It will bother them some, but not as much as if they are older. May God bless and keep you lady. G
2007-06-13 08:12:05 · answer #5 · answered by hog rock 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If hes not willing to comunicate there is nothing you can do, although your doing everything you think makes a good wife. If a man is out at midnight and not with the guys that could be your reason for him not giving you a straight answer when calling him. It sounds to me that he almost wants to be caught not being faithful to his wife or that maybe hes mad at you and doesnt really understand why which in this case the issue is about him not you. He owns the problem. You mentioned that you go to church maybe hes doing things that he knows you wouldnt aprove of and he feels belittled by you. If you mention church to him often this could be another issue he is dealing with. Devorce is a terrible thing unless your in a abusive situation but living with someone who doesnt respect you enough to comunicate with you is a hard road to travel good luck and take things slow in your decision making. Talk to your minister. He has insight you may not have
2007-06-13 08:11:52 · answer #6 · answered by Patricia S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The activity sounds kind of shady. Not because of the My space account because I have one that I use to keep up with friends. But it's shady because of the secretiveness of it. Have you seen his page or know his screen name? If you do you can see if he's advertising as available or see if he's trolling for females. Sit him down and get the answers. If he doesn't come up with some that you as a reasonable person can be happy with then you need to look at counseling and or dissolution of the marriage. Not a fun subject but it might be better than waiting for the other shoe to drop and being left by a guy who is creeping about.
2007-06-13 08:16:19 · answer #7 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is your business if your husband is not at home at 12am. There is obviously an issue here that he is not addressing. You should NOT have to become someone you are not to make him happy. Compromise works both ways. It seems that you both have a lot of issues and if he doesn't want counseling mabe you should consider your other options. Good Luck to you.
2007-06-13 08:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know. It sounds to me that your husband is starting to regress. Don't worry. You need to just take some time with yourself. Go out to the beach one weekend with some friends. Get up and go jogging. You are stressed. That is the first step to trying to fix this mess. Then, after and ONLY after you are a little more relaxed with yourself, try and corner him some way. Get him in the car and take a drive somewhere without the kids. Rekindle the romance. Do something spontaneuous. Shock him. Make him want to be home. If he doesn't want to meet your efforts, then babe....it might be time to move on....
2007-06-13 08:06:40 · answer #9 · answered by Forever the Sickest Kim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man is bored, doesnt he work?? He sounds like a kid. Sometimes men need alot of space. You both need to communicate more, sounds like he has not grown up.. I would wait and see.. try talking to him .. then make up your mind to divorce him. If he will not seek counseling with you thats a bad sign, being not even willing to help you in this marriage is a bad sign too
2007-06-13 08:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋