I slept with my friends husband. Should I tell her?

Question

I have been friends with this couple for about 2 years.Me and his wife work together.I went to their house to calm myself down. After some bad news. I just didn't want to be alone. She joked about giving her husband to me. And telling him he could go live with me. trying to get myself together, she told him to take me to the hottube for a while. We did. The sexual tension was so intense. We went back inside. I told him I didn't trust myself being alone with him. He says, 2 people have to agree in order for anything to happen. When we got inside his wife, 2 kids and my daughter were fast asleep. We put a movie on and hung out. His wife works the noc shift and had to work. I went to leave when she did but told me to stay the night. After she left, He kept kissing me. Telling me he wanted me.We started having sex. I told him to stop. All I could do was cry. I felt bad. And the ony things he said were, don't fall in love with me and never tell me you love me.Help.I don't want to lose her.

Answer 1

I am really sorry about your situation. but its obvious this man used you. he is not faithful to his wife or anyone. I have a stronge feeling your friend will find out or maybe she had a hint it might happen.
there is no guarantee it wouldnt happen again. you need to stay away from him if you are truly sorry.
you must forgive yourself first then ask God for forgiveness. its only HIM that can give your friend the grace to forgive you.
whether or not you tell her will be a decision you will have to make.
pray about it and God bless

Answer 2

Hmm. Odd. It's almost like she wanted you two to sleep together, or she was testing you. Or she and her husband could have had this planned, that she would allow him to have you as if in secret and then he tells her about it, they get all hot and bothered and have great sex. I've actually heard of this. Now, I was in a similar situation, had a threesome with a lifelong friend and her husband - she encouraged it. I think, looking back on it now, that she knew how much he wanted me and it hurt her and she figured she'd rather give me to him than risk his either cheating, secretly wanting me or leaving her. At the time I was just playing, I've always been a sexually open person and the threesome was fun (no, she and I didn't have sex with each other). But it wasn't my marriage and I had nothing to lose...so I thought. He and I kept sneaking around for TWO YEARS after that. She knew of course, but said nothing. I even lived with them for almost a year. She too worked the night shift as a home health care provider, she'd leave at night at 11 pm and I'd go in and get into bed with him - every night except sunday, "I", not her, slept in her bed with her husband. How sick is that. And she never said a word. It was almost like he had two wives, we'd both take turns cooking, caring for the house and our kids, and it probably wouldn't have ended until her sister asked her "WTF is up with this". Only when she risked being embarrased did it end up "I betrayed her by sleeping with her husband". And you know, I loved her so much, still do, that I never told a sole that it was her idea in the first place. I just took the abuse of her sister and friends and left her life. But I'm talking about a 19 year friendship here. It doesn't sound as if you and this woman are that close and the husband seems strange, not like he was interested in "you" at all, only the prospect of sex with someone not his wife (sorry, but that's how it seems). I would steer very clear of this. Don't tell the woman, unless you never want to talk to her again anyway, and just don't do it again. Distance yourself from them a bit, because truly, they seem odd to me.

Answer 3

You can tell there are many who do not know or understand what drunk means, like you lose all your inhibitions, you have very poor judgment, yet if you hurt or shoot someone, that is kind of okay, but if you cheat while under the influence, all the sudden good judgment happens even while falling down drunk. I can tell you anything can happen, and I mean anything can happen if you get drunk. Some of these girls (and I mean that in the most immature way) think you can make good relationship decisions while under the influence, but let them explain the One Night Stand? Virtually all are alcohol induced. It's his decision to tell. It will not really help anything, and she probably all ready suspects something, if just his new weird reactions. People that get wrapped up in all this will at very least get drunk again, and tell their spouse. I would recommend in the future you do not get tanked with others and strangers. At least it was a friend, and not some freak from the bar.

Answer 4

Not to sound mean or anything but if you were any of a sort of a good friend you would have said no and controlled yourself even if the guy wanted you, you knew he was married; now you must lay in the mess you and her husband just created. On the other hand you can be like all those other irresponsible people out there who cheat on there better halfs and just act liked nothing ever happend..

Answer 5

Well from reading what u wrote it sounds like she wanted or expected it to happen. Did he once mention u not telling his wife....? She does trust u i can obviously see.....I think u should think about how important ur friendship is to both of them...........first focus on what ur going thru.....then deal with this.....u are obviously overwelmed and he took advantage of u in a very vulnerable state. And dont put anything past anyone .....she might have known....no one jokes like that then leaves u two alone ...just doesnt make any sense. Unless she's known to do that in a joking way between the three of u.....how long have they been married?

Answer 6

I think your friend already knows. She engineered the event with the complicity of her husband, and she would laugh if she knew of your anguish. These are not good friends for you. Don't you sense that? From the description of events as you provided, there is no doubt in my mind that they planned this sexual adventure, and it is possible that they will both want to participate next time. So for goodness sakes, stop feeling so bad about it! The question for you now is whether you want to continue the relationship with this couple. If you are all right with these shenanigans, then by all means continue the friendship. If you feel manipulated and used (as I suspect I would feel), end the relationship. It doesn't seem to me that people who would manipulate you like that are very good friends. And I honestly think you were manipulated.

Answer 7

Actually, you should tell her. Kinda sounds like it might of been expected, but even if not she needs to know what her husband is made of. Sometimes situations like this one turn out different then you expect. Don't tell everything off the bat, tread the subject lightly, see how she reacts to just the "tension" and move forward with the conversation if it warrants it. Ultimately, it would be best to tell her, but you need to be the judge.

Answer 8

Way to go, you had a good friend to help you and all you can do is be with her husband? You're disgusting! If you feel so bad, then you should keep you mouth shut, end your friendship with her and never speak to her or her husband again! Then get some morals about yourself and pray for God to lift you out of the gutter you have yourself in!

Answer 9

He took advantage of you when you were in need of a friend, and he need not worry, because you will never fall in-love with this jerk, you are better then that.
His wife, seem to enable this behaviour, I will never suggest anyone else can borrow my partner. Address the situation in your life first and foremost, then, ask her for a coffee, out of the house, and tell her what happened. Do not put yourself in this situation again.

Answer 10

than keep your big mouth shut! you messed up and her husband is an a s s! she trusted you or did she you know there is a whole lot of truth behind jocking around maybe she wanted you to screw her husband and sorry but you cant rape the willing you said you cried the whole time did he force you? i didn't think so! what sucks here is you and bad decision making! that's why i don't have female friends! i'll look for you on utube!