Do your husbands & boyfriends understand your pregnancy?

Question

Mine doesn't seem to. He's been getting upset with me over mood swings and things like that, and I really can't help it. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my hormones are going all crazy... he tells me its just an excuse and now he's talking about leaving me because he'd be better off without having to "deal with all my crap." This is a HUGE amount of stress on me; not only am I pregnant, but we have a one and a half yr old and our 3 yr anniversary is only a few days away. I'm losing it.
I just want to know if it's only my situation, or if there are other women out there who feel like their husbands and boyfriends just don't get it or just don't care.

Answer 1

I think that this can be a somewhat normal reaction for men to have...especially because you are not "showing" yet sometimes if its not visible to them, then it simply doesn't exist. Have him view a sonogram with you and have your doctor speak with him about hormone imbalance etc. Above all make sure you listen to him as well...he might be scared.

Answer 2

Both of you need to talk with your doctor TOGETHER about the mood swings. He could give you something to help, show you techniques on how to deal with your mood swings and/or recommend a good family therapist for the two of you to see.
I had the same problem with my 1st husband when I was pregnant with our 2nd child. We tried but we were unable to save the marriage but it had been pretty rocky for about a year before that and he was having an affair. I am not meaning to scare you more. This is what happened to me. That does not mean it will happen to you. We married when we were very young and already had our daughter. We were not prepared for marriage at all. We were young and stupid!
My new husband is more understanding then my ex and this is his 1st child. I dont know, I guess it is just a maturity thing or something.
The main thing is get the mood swings under control for the sake of you and your kids. What happens with the marriage is a TWO WAY street and you are not the ONLY one having a problem! Keep that in mind as you speak with the doctor and your husband about what you are going through!

Answer 3

Yes, sometimes my husband won't believe that sex hurts me, he thinks I make that up so that we don't do it. You're in an early stage and that's when you feel the worst. I just asked a question about skin improving with pregnancy because mine has and most girls said they've been breaking out more during pregnancy. You should research and show him, or ask the doctor in front of him so he feels like a fool for thinking you're making excuses. I agree he needs to read on the subject. Sometimes when I get a new symptom and get scared my husband tells me it's normal because he as read the entire "What to expect when you're expecting" book.

Answer 4

My son's dad very much didn't 'get' what I was going through. I managed to hold my temper and mood swings, but what he didn't 'get' was the excitement and happiness, did his best to squelch it every time I let it show.

But I have a suggestion.

Talk with him. Arrange a time when you're not fighting, when your toddler has gone to sleep, so it's just the two of you. You both need to talk this through. Chances are he's being a dick because he's stressed too. While his body isn't awash in pregnancy hormones, it is with testosterone. He may be feeling unprepared (even if this was planned), overwhelmed, worried about providing for the family, worried about losing you to another baby (yup, that's how a lot of men see it). I know, it's hard to feel understanding for him with what you're going through and his threats.

Possibly also look into counseling - for you, him, or both of you. I'm not saying that you're nuts or at fault. But if you're stressed, you're going to have even less luck moderating your mood swings.

all the best!

Answer 5

I get a good amount of understanding -- to the extent it's possible; I would not have understood what a pregnant woman was going through myself a year ago -- and sympathy. Lucky me.

However, I also get to see a level of stress I did _not_ expect from any father-to-be, really. The rapidly escalating level of responsibility = a father-to-be sometimes too stressed to enjoy much of anything. And some of it is pretty neurotic stress; it's not like we have many genuine problems, but there's still a lot of fretting. Which -- well, I'm pregnant; of course it irritates me. You know, as though it should only be me who gets to be bothered, and he should stop worrying on demand.

So. My advice would be to sit him down and ask him about his stress level, his worries about the upcoming family expansion, how he sees his role in it changing, and so on and on. He's being a jerk, but there might be a fair amount of craziness coming not from how he feels about you, but from how he feels about bills and the like. Fathers-to-be are not immune from somewhat magical thinking along the lines of 'the hedge needs trimming, and I am too tired and busy and have not trimmed the hedge -- yet I need to take care of my family, which will soon expand, and... I can't even take care of it as it is; how am I going to deal with a baby? I'm a terrible father!'

Answer 6

My first husband was like that. Sounds like you two need to sit down and talk things out. But I have only just learned to sit down and talk myself. My new husband is great when it comes to female issues. Your husband should feel lucky because if you tell me you can't deal with my crap I will give you all the crap in the world until you can or you leave. My first husband was an all out *** and my current husband made mistakes of being ignorant of how things were with me. It's taken me ten years to get to this point, so try to talk with him first. Good Luck

Answer 7

I have a very supportive husband, BUT, I still feel like he doesn't understand. But can we really expect them to? I would have never understood what it is like before I went through it myself. I am not defending what your husband has said to you (I would be pissed) But just try to explain to him how you are feeling. He will never completely understand, but he needs to try... And tell him if he thinks it is hard to deal with "all your crap" think of how hard it is for you to deal with! I just don't think men understand what a roller coaster pregnancy is... I actually just had a conversation with my husband the other night, and we both felt much better afterward... Good Luck, and I feel for you... Pregnancy is something that can make you feel so alone, no matter how many people are around you.....

Answer 8

Once you start showing it will hit him that it is all really happening. Put yourself in his shoes, you are not visibly pregnant but yet you are acting hormonal and moody.

Don't let it get to you but at the same time keep reminding him that you are crrying HIS child and are going through a lot of physical and emotional changes. He needs to be more sensitive, doesn't he have guy friends who have been through this, tell him to discuss it with them.

Answer 9

It was the same for me around 11 weeks now I'm 27 weeks belly is way out there. Now he is trying to be soooo helpful and acts like he cares so much. He even talked about having his last name be the babies last name. I was like no way.

Answer 10

Mine is the same way and not until last night when I was holding his hand through a painfull contraction did he start to realize that this is the way it is. Hang in there. Just try not to be to hard on him. Same with him he should be a lil easier with you!!