She is a control freak and is always putting their daughter in the middle. What she wants, she gets. She won't even allow him to keep her through Fathers day? She lives out of state is demanding we return her by tomorrow. Everytime we make plans to exchange her the plans are changed last minute, to accomodate her of course. She is re-married with a new life and still trys to control his. How do I get my boyfriend to understand that her threats to call Police and cause a stir are mearly to push his buttons and make him give in? THIS IS A VICIOUS CYCLE. How do I get it to end? She is very demanding and offers him ultimatums quite regularly. He of course complys. She has even written slanderous things about him that are untrue in her personl blog. He is a loving caring and committed father to his little girl. His ex is hell bent on tainting their relationship. HELP ME!
2007-06-13 07:07:16 · 20 answers · asked by Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't get her to do anything.
Your boyfriend can get a solid custody agreement that is easy for both of them to understand and that is fair to both of them, by going to court to get it all straightened out.
If he already has a custody agreement, he can simply ask her to comply with it, using legal means if necessary.
In either case, your boyfriend may choose to do whatever is necessary, swallow his pride, bend when you think he shouldn't, smile when *you* (and maybe he) want to spit, and more - all for the sake of protecting his child and his relationship with her. He knows his ex better than you do. He knows himself better than you do. He knows what his priorities are and how much he's willing to put up with or how much he needs to put up with, in order to get what he wants. It could be that a relationship with his child and a life that has as little parental conflict in it as possible is more important to *him* than having the upper hand with his ex.
What *you* can do is to try to understand him, where he's coming from, why he does what he does, how he wants you to help him -then- support him in his life, his journey, his parenting relationship. You respect him, right? You think he's intelligent and kind and a good parent, right? Then you should trust him to do what he thinks is right for *his* life.
2007-06-13 07:28:49 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it. Read here https://tr.im/JAss7
Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you don't think you like the person anymore.
2016-07-18 16:42:42 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend was in this exact situation. She tries to maintain control because she is unhappy with her life. If she has control over his then that gives her a sense of power and well-being. If things persits like this bring the courts into the situation. Show them the evidense that she is being vicious about things. The court would then look at who's has more stability in their life. It sounds like your man would get custody for sure. Then if things don't get better put a restraining order on her. He would still be allowed visitation rights but she wouldn't be able to taunt him about things. She would have to follow court orders if not then she will be slapped with a fine and possible jail time. It's time to bring the legal system into this. Things have gone far enough and he deserves to live a happy life. Also let her know that she's not going to scare you off so no matter what she tries it isn't going to work. Good Luck!
2007-06-14 07:36:27 · answer #3 · answered by tazzyp01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend's ex wife will always be in your guys life cause they share a child. Unfortually, there's really nothing you can do about it..It's really between the two of them. If you can't except that..then it's time to move on.
2007-06-13 07:11:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Haven just gone through this myself with my husband's ex, the only sure fire solution is for you to butt out and make him handle it. Talk to him about the problem, how it is affecting you, and tell him he must establish concrete ground rules and must not deviate from them. He has to show her that he's not affraid to stand up to her, that she can't use the kid as leverage. If she refuses him to see her, he can go to court and get "structured" visitation. He won't have to deal with her nonsense anymore. But just coming from you, his gf and not even his wife, she'll totally discount you. And you can't fight this battle for him, he's going to have to do it. That's what I did with my husband...his ex didn't take it seriously at first (she wasn't used to him putting his foot down) but after not taking her calls or seeing the kids for over a month, she got the point. Granted, the kids suffered - as they all do in divorce - but now we get them as scheduled and no more BS from her.
2007-06-13 07:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have the custody thing on paper...I would go see a lawyer immediately. She can't legally make him give up his time with his daughter. If he pays child support that is. I definitely believe that a few things need to be discussed with a lawyer. Best of luck...my friend is going through something similar and it's eating her up.
2007-06-13 07:12:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ive gone thru the exact same thing but my husbands ex lives in our town. the only thing that i can tell you is that IT WILL NEVER END !! you have a choice here: stay and live with it or get out now.
ive been married into this now for 15 yrs and at this point, his youngest is now 17 and we only have 1 more year of child support. I will say this, back several years ago, it was so bad that me and her ended up in a fight, after that, she didnt bother us quite as bad although she is still in the background and at times pulls some stunts, but overall she knows not to mess with me because i wont put up with the crap.
ive even had the stupid idea that after all of his children got 18 and the support was over that everything would end, but ive since realized that it wont stop there because there will always be grandchildren that will be paternally his and hers.
im a fairly stong willed person and im not a jealous person by any means and only big things bother me but when it came to her trying to interfear with our lives that is where i drew the line especially when she is the one who wanted the divorce.
Good luck to you is a mess already and you guys arent even married
2007-06-13 07:25:33 · answer #7 · answered by patti p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband was sort of like that. A lot depends on how long they have been divorced. Time really does heal all wounds.
My family even thought I should give up custody of my daughter to him because he made a lot of money.
She just turned 18 and he hasn't seen her since she was five. Great parent. But we can be civil if we have to speak now.
God Bless.
2007-06-13 07:14:53 · answer #8 · answered by bluebird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not wrong to be bothered. In my experience, many people find it easier to blame situations on other people, because then it's out of their control. That's just an easy excuse. But really, we have control over all of our own actions and words. Your boyfriend can control his actions towards his ex, and if he's sure about you, I think he should stand up for you and speak to his ex! The difficulty will be getting him to understand this. By his inaction ("easier to give her what she wants"), he is not only disrespecting you, setting a lousy example for the children, but he's also ENABLING her to carry on with her controlling behaviour. The longer this goes on (him giving her power), the worse it will get, and the harder it will be to put an end to it. Not to mention the example and disrespect I mentioned above. Although you already have children too, don't let that fool you into thinking you can understand how SHE is thinking. Everyone's different and everyone has their own histories which influence how they behave. I think your boyfriend does let his ex get away with things he shouldn't allow or overlook, and who knows why that is. When you said she makes unreasonable demands on his time and finances, Are you comparing her treatment of him with the way you treat the father of your child(ren)? Because although it might seem like a fair comparison, no two situations are the same. Hopefully you don't manipulate your own ex the way your current boyfriend's ex seems to be doing. Maybe you have worked out a really good arrangement with your ex, or maybe you had to give up on trying to get him to give support (deadbeat dad). That should not change how your current boyfriend treats his own ex and his children. Your boyfriend needs to step up or step out. You need to have realistic expectations of him and his ex, and if anyone's past is influencing their expectations or their actions in an unhealthy way, they should deal with it, either by giving their head a good shake or by getting counselling! Good luck. Sounds like a tough situation. I still have a hard time sometimes with my own past or with my husband's, but I try to keep these things in mind, and if anyone gets out of line (including me), I try to be realistic about it. Being honest with yourself is easier said than done, but it's a good skill to learn. When others aren't being honest with you, keep in mind maybe they haven't learned that skill for themselves! If you can manage to stay together, try not to think about your man's ex. Worry about yourself, your children, your boyfriend, and your own ex if you have to.
2016-05-19 02:29:26 · answer #9 · answered by leslee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go to court to get visitation. Then it won't be up to his ex when he can or can't see her.
2007-06-13 07:11:04 · answer #10 · answered by mamabear 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋