Fear of change?

Question

One of my biggest problems is a fear of change - a fear of growing up kindof. I'm 17, and it's near impossoble for me to do things like go to my parents and tell them certain things i want to do, or want to get to change myself. The only way i seem to move forward is if they aproach me about it. for instance, i'm just learning how to drive, because i was too scared to actually tell them that i wanted to start driving a couple years ago. And they just recently told me i should start now. Another exaple is a few months ago a freind called, aand we were talkin when i heard my dad walking down to see me. I just kind of panicked and hung up on him because i was actually scared as to how my dad would react to seeing me talking on the phone (something i hardly ever do). I just fear what they would think, say, or do, even though i know it's not a big deal, and its something they almost would expect me to do, because thats what i SHOULD be doing. How can i deal with this problem?

Answer 1

OK, I'm 24 now but that sounds exactly like me growing up. I used to never listen to the radio because I was embarassed about liking music, I never watched what I wanted to watch on TV cos I was embarassed. I never wanted to show that I was growing uo, that I liked boys or did anything 'bad' - like partying, drinking, smoking (heaven forbid!). Those are just examples...but basically all I ever wanted (and still want) to do is be the person that my parents want me to be. I just want to please them. I have borderline personality disorder. Seriously, you should look up about it. A big part of this disorder is wanting to please everyone and not being yourself...cos you don't really feel cmfortable with who you are and you don't really understand/trust who you are or how you feel. You fear people getting upset with you and the tiniest comment like 'Oh you're talking on the phone late' really upsets you and it feels like the end of the world and you hate yourself. Hope I've helped : ) I;m 24 and still at home and I have never felt like I can be 'myself' around my parents. It's driving me crazy...but I'm lucky cos I have met the man I want to marry and hopefully I will move out with him soon. But, I'm too scared to tell my parents that I want to move out..I'm scared they think I'm stupid and that I'm not ready and that I should wait. I wish I didn't care about their reactions...but I live my life to hide everything they may not like about myself and pretent to be the good-girl princess that they think I am.

Answer 2

I have similar problems in terms of feeling threatened by change. Don't listen to any loser on here who tells you to toughen up or stop whinging, just see all this as a way of growing up and becoming a man. Try to embrace change in small ways, even silly things like a new breakfast cereal or a new band to listen to. Change is a normal part of life, and it will happen anyway, see it as a chance to start again and make new friends. Maybe you feel insecure when you're around others and wonder what they'll think of you if they see you doing something. Try not to worry what others think too much, if they're worth botherin with they won't judge you in that way.

But bottom line, sooner or later you'll have to accept that change is a normal way of life for everybody. There are of course bad aspects of change; friends will move on to uni and you'll never see them again; a form of security is gone; but usually there are just as many or more good aspects. Just a few could be improved confidence, new friends, new memories. It all comes down to attitude and how you see things. Try to interpret things more positively, be optimistic. How you do this is up to you, you must figure it out for yourself, but just live! Enjoy yourself and don't worry too much about what others think! All the best!

Answer 3

I think fearing change is a common problem. We all get into our comfort zones and it's hard to deal with changes. The thing to remember is that change is inevitable in our lives. With each new phase of life,(20's. 30's.etc) changes will come in our goals, lifestyles, relationships with friends and family. Try to look at change as an adventure and an opportunity to learn and to grow, and to experience new things. Without change, we would never grow as people. I think you should try to start talking to your parents more. Just take little steps to become more comfortable. It's important that you speak up about the things that interest you or worry you. It will make you feel much better and I'm sure it would be good for all of you in the family to be more open. You have so much to look forward to experiencing your life, so look at change that way. Good luck to you and start speaking up!

Answer 4

The problems you describe don't sound to me like a fear of change. It sounds like you are really uncomfortable with who you are as a person and are very fearful of letting others see who you are. Your fear of telling your parents the things you want to do (like learning to drive) may be fed by a fear similar to what you experienced when you panicked about what your father would think if he found you on the phone. In other words, it sounds like you're afraid of what your parents will think of you if you let your true desires (and your true self) be known to them. What will my parents think about me if I tell them I want to learn to drive? What will my dad think of me if he catches me on the phone?

There are so many different reasons that you could have this fear that it would be really difficult to give you any suggestions on a forum like this for how to overcome your fears. Probably the best thing you could do for yourself is to talk either to your school counselor or your pastor (if you have one). Either of these people can help you start talking about what is going on in your life and what might have caused your fears. Once you know what has caused these fears, you can work to fix it.

Answer 5

Well you took a protracted approach to get round to what you desired to mention. I do agree that the Republicans launched into a method of instilling worry in men and women. And so much have been taken in through it. Hence, we've got a crook Administration. BTW ... I am NOT a Democrat or a Republican ... I attempt to research the disorders and vote for the great character of any occasion. Bush used to be significantly improper from the begin ... any one looking his conduct and that of the men and women he surrounded himself with might inform he used to be a dry under the influence of alcohol and did not own the intellectual capability to keep workplace.

Answer 6

you know what i'm 17 too and believe me i know growing up can be real annoying my advise just go with the flow don't feel so scared of your parents try talking to them you might be surprised and sometimes we have to let go of that feeling that we are still too young and realize we are practically adults at 18 which isn't far away