I've tried to explain to him that sex is not everything in a marriage. I love him but sometimes I don't want to have sex and he gets mad and we end up fighting.
HELP!!!!!
2007-06-13 06:52:55 · 39 answers · asked by boozerc77084 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i forgot where i heard this but...If there is sex in the marriage then its 10% of it. If there isn't sex in the marriage then its 90% of it.
2007-06-13 06:59:20 · answer #1 · answered by mims03 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to come to some sort of compromise when it comes to sex.
First of all sex is important in fact I would say it is in the top 3 things in a marriage and why? because it keeps the parties in the marriage connected to each other in an intimate way that goes beyond friendship.
You can't expect your marriage to thrive or even survive without sex, so you need to change your attitude, and make sex a priority.
Now I don't know how often you guys have sex, but lets say he wants it an excessive amount (and there is no set number of what is excessive you need to work this out for yourselves), then you need to have an open and honest conversation about what is acceptable (even if that sounds very unromantic) and then you need to make SEX A PRIORITY, do things that get you in the mood, make dates with eachother work to inject romance back into your lives, and your sex drive should improve.
Now if you still are having trouble, then you might want to seek counseling either alone or as a couple to work out these issues.
Sex is important, and it doesn't mean that he has the right to force you to do something you don't want to do, but if this is a constant point of friction if your marriage is gonna survive you need to approach this as a problem that you have as a couple, and you need to have the stones to work it out.
PS. the reason you end up fighting is because he feels rejected, you need to be sensitive to that, again dont' let him coerce you into doing something you don't want to do... but remember he isn't a bad guy cause he wants sex, or wants a lot of sex - you are an adult and so is he, work it out as adults.
Good luck and I hope this helps - if you want to yell at me feel free to e-mail me :)
2007-06-13 06:59:52 · answer #2 · answered by Teclis98 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is something that should've been known and ironed out before marriage (or not gotten married).
A healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship, but both partners also have to realize that there will be times the other person doesn't want to "play" with them...and that's okay.
If your husband doesn't realize this, he's being extremely selfish, unless you turn him down more often than not. Talk about what you two can do for a compromise. Ask him if he'd really want you to have sex if you didn't want to, just because he did...and would he be equally willing to do it when he didn't feel like it, if you were in the mood? Talk about why he gets angry if you say no...what is he really mad at? Why he feels upset with you for being honest...why he feels his desires are more important than yours...
Relationships are compromise...give and take...not just "me me me".
2007-06-13 06:58:05 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself what was sex like before you married him. What changed. Sex might not be the issue. Or maybe you have a hormone imbalance or overworked, depressed? Maybe a weekend away alone together without stress will help. If not see a doctor. On the other hand, maybe he has the problem if he wants it several times a day? Not enough details in your question to answer more. Hope I have given you something to think about. Men can get a hormone imbalance as well. Too much testosterone could be the problem.
2007-06-13 07:04:25 · answer #4 · answered by Susan P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex isnt everything .. but its pretty much one of the top important things.. Not just sex but intimacy and physical closeness. Your husband is acting childish but maybe it's just his way of crying for attention. Whisk him away for a weekend. If you have children send them off to their grandparents or a babysitter. Go somewhere romantic enough for you and a place that will put you in the mood for love. That way both of you will be satisfied. If money is an issue than arrange the furniture in your bedroom and wear your sexiest lingerie (NO whining about how fat your thighs look or any of that stuff).. wear something that makes you feel confident. A change of pace and scenery is a surefire way to lighten the mood. If this doesnt work and your marriage is in some trouble than see a counselor.
2007-06-13 07:03:57 · answer #5 · answered by pinkcandiez871 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok- there are some of US that need sex to feel loved. That is just the way we are. Try reading The 5 Love Languages. SOme people feel loved when their spouse cooks for them, or when a man buys them a gift, but some people just really need affection, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Try and make a deal that a few times a week, you will do something else for him, but not have sex.
2007-06-13 09:02:39 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never told me man no. We have been married for over 8 years. I do not plan on ever telling him no. After I gave birth and thn when I had surgery he was very patient, but after a couple of weeks, I still kept him very satisfied until I could have sex. I know its not everything, he his my best friend. We talk everyday about everything and nothing. If you want dates and cuddle time or something else you need to tell him, men are not mind readers. It is important to have the friendship in the marriage.
2007-06-13 07:01:59 · answer #7 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would ask him why he married you? Have him list the things that made him pop the question. Sex can be included on the list, but if it is the only thing on the list, you guys may need to have a long talk. Because marriage definitely has more to it than sex.
2007-06-13 06:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by knn992000 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, the good news is that if sex in marriage is a problem for you, if you keep it up you won't have to worry about the marriage any more. While perhaps not the MOST important thing to a man in a relationship, it's in the top three. And an unsatisfied man will, eventually, find someplace else to eat if he can't get dinner at home. Consider it.
2007-06-13 07:01:59 · answer #9 · answered by terry m 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What is marriage without sex? Room mates
What is marriage without love? Room mates
What is marriage without trust? Room mates
What is marriage without communication? Room mates
Marriage is a balance of many things and if you take anyone of them away you don't have a marriage.
So you are right sex isn't everything, but what do you have without sex?
2007-06-13 08:14:19 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋