What do you do if your spouse is hiding financial information from you?

Question

Why would you hide information?

Answer 1

It's possible that your husband is doing it for "bad" reasons: he's planning on leaving, he has a mistress, he has to support a child from a previous (or current!) relationship, he has a substance abuse/gambling problem, some combination of the above.

However, you shouldn't jump to conclusions. The #1 cause of problems between married couples is MONEY. No two people are ever going to see eye-to-eye on how to spend money 100% of the time. Different people = different priorities.

As such, he may be hiding money for a "good" reason. Maybe he's insulating the family against bad spending habits, i.e., he thinks that you (and he) spend too much, and don't save enough, for retirement, child-eduction, etc. Lord knows, if my wife and I put everything we earned into the family checking account, we would find a way to spend every dime. If the family is in bad financial straits, he might be hiding the fact out of shame.

Alternatively, he might feel that the family's spending priorities are "biased" against him, that the money is going towards things that YOU want, to the exclusion of things that HE wants. He might be squirreling away a few dollars here and there for a motorcycle or an Xbox or a night on the town with his buddies, instead of new drapes for the living room or whatnot.

The keys to avoiding situations like yours are: (1) communication; and (2) budgeting. When my wife and I disagree on spending (and we most certainly do), we talk about it, and find a way to compromise.

We also are very strict on STICKING TO our budget, which we formulated TOGETHER. Factored into our budget is an overall financial plan, which means setting goals: short-term (small-ticket household items, short vacations, birthday gifts, etc.), medium-term (big-ticket household items, appliances, remodeling, new car, new house, etc.), and long-term (retirement and children's education).

In our household, I keep the checkbook, pay all the bills, etc. But the process is absolutely transparent - no exceptions. Anytime she wants to know where our money is going (and she does), the checkbook register is right there in the desk drawer. We also have a rule that any non-routine expenditure (that is, other than groceries, monthly bills, etc.) over $100 - by EITHER of us - has to be cleared with the other person.

Also, it's important for each spouse to have at least a TINY bit of financial independence. You need to be able to spend money from time to time without being accountable to ANYONE else. My wife and I do this through an "allowance." Every month, each of us has a very small amount of money that we can spend (or save), for any reason, no questions asked. That way, if she goes out and gets a manicure/pedicure, or I buy a new fishing rod, the other person can't complain. An "allowance" system might not be right for everyone, but suffice it to say, a little financial independence is VERY effective in avoiding stupid fights over the "little things."

In any case, I personally don't agree with hiding financial information. It never turns out well, and somebody always gets their feelings hurt, like in your case. You should confront him about what you've learned, and demand an explanation. Unless it's something really, really "bad" (cheating, for example), talk through it with him, and make him promise not to keep things from you in the future. After that, work through your issues TOGETHER, and remember: with "compromise," nobody ever gets EVERYTHING they want.

Answer 2

If you are getting a divorce you have to get to the bottom of this. Since you signed you would be responsible if something is wrong. That can add up to a pretty penny. It's not the same but before I got married my wife did her taxes religiously using turbotax for years. Turned out 4 years previously she had hit a wrong button and the state never recieved it. She only originally owed $1500. With interest, penalties fees and all of that I wrote a check for $8000.... your get the oint. I am thinking that he did not wish you to see the return because he is/has been hiding something and thinks that you might use that information against him in court. Sure sounds like something is up. I bet that if he is hiding something he is going to shift some cash to dear old Mom. Maybe he is going to get a big chunk of money back, does not wish you to know about his 401K or a million things. Also remember that until you get divorces any of his general debts are yours. So first you should call the IRS. Then pull up his credit report as I assume you know his social security number. If your name is on any accounts still request statements.

Answer 3

In a perfect world, or even a perfect relationship you wouldn't hide anything from your spouse, but let's face it, it is not a perfect world. Personally I try to be as open and honest as I can in a relationship, and hope that my partner would do the same. If your spouse is holding this info from you, there is probably more info as well that you don't know. Good luck!

Answer 4

I wouldn't care. It's his money, not mine.

When I turned 25, I gained access to a trust fund I had no idea existed. My significant other (not married) does not know about this Trust Fund. There is no need to tell him right now.

We do not depend on each other financially. We help each other out if need be, but we both have really good paying jobs and we carry our own.

Answer 5

If they are hiding financial information, I'd get legally separated pronto and file for divorce. Oftentimes they are involved in something illegal and you will get stuck for it as their spouse.

Answer 6

If you're a gold digger, yes. If you spend money when it's un necessary, yes. Don't worry about his financial info, try to improve yours. Although you're married, you need to be independant and stop relying on his money. I don't worry about my wife's financials because I dont care about it.

Answer 7

spouse doesnt want to share his money with you does not trust you and will be hiding something, sooner or later

Answer 8

If its their money its their business.
I have a private acct, a shared acct, and a business acct.
My wife only has a right to see what we share, but as for my private and business accts she has no business there.
Just because you are married doesn't mean you don't have a right to privacy.

Answer 9

Yes, that's a good point

Answer 10

If you spend too much then he might be scared to tell you how much money he has. I know a lot of guys that don't tell their women about how much money they have.