My husband said some hurtful things to me.?

Question

Last night we were arguing because my husband was yelling at our 1 year old that it was time to go to sleep. I was mad because he was screaming at him so i went to pick him up and put him to sleep myself but he wouldn't give him to me. We started screaming at each other and i said i would call the cops( i know we shouldn't do that in front of our son and i had no intention whatsoever on actually calling the cops)so he pushed the baby at me and said "you are no better than all of the other ******* women in this world who have kids just so they think they can control everything" wow...that was the most hurtful thing he has ever said to me. It hurt so bad and i want to leave. He said this morning that he didn't mean it but i don't think i can get over that. What would you do if you were in my situation?? i don't have a job right now because i was staying home with our son and collecting unemployment but that ran out last week. Help please!!!!

I just want to say that this isn't the first argument that we have gotten into. We have been arguing about everything since before our son was born. We constantly say hurtful things to each other and we both know that it's wrong. Something just isn't right with this relationship and i don't know if it's worth fixing or not. I'm about ready to give up and make a better life for my son and I.

Answer 1

He obviously has some deep anger/resentment about something else...Talk to him about that issue.
HE is just acting out. Dont take it so personally...but do get to the bottom of what is really bothering him.

Answer 2

I don't condone what happened, but it sounds like your husband is stressed out--perhaps from being overworked, particularly now that he knows your unemployment has run out. If it was the child's bedtime, why hadn't you put him to sleep? How long does he stay up past his bedtime, and whose idea is that? Why did you threaten to call the cops, when that wasn't your intention? And why are you the only one who can make the child go to sleep? Since you knew that your unemployment was running out, what plans have you made for going back to work, or is it your intention to be a stay at home mom and drop the financial burden on your husband? There are a lot of grey areas here and I'm not going to be so quick to take your side. You may very well be the controlling wife your husband says you are.

Answer 3

You both have issues. Maybe the stress of you not working is starting to take its toll. There's absolutely no good reason for a married couple to yell at each other. It doesn't matter if there is a child present or not. But the fact is, there was and both of you used that child as a pawn. Then comes the next, bomb.... name calling. You don't leave because of that but that doesn't excuse his behavior or yours. A ne year old does not go to sleep on command. Yelling is his presence certainly does not promote a good feeling about going "nightey night". Both of you need to sit down and draw up some boundaries. No yelling in front of your child should be # 1.

Answer 4

SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME Your husband is telling and showing you that he is ready to snap!

Obviously trying to talk sense into him while he is raging isn't going to help. Suggesting the cops snapped him out of it didn't it?

You don't know what will happen the next time. This sounds just like what happened on the news. A man new to being a father started by yelling and in a few weeks he had shaken his baby to the point where the mother grabbed the baby and ran. I bit too late, the baby is brain dead. I don't mean to scare you but this was a normal man, respected in his community.

We only think of the depression that women deal with after birth, he maybe dealing with deep issues. Don't fear hurting or insulting him, get him help and fear for you and your baby!

Answer 5

You started off saying he said the hurtful thing then added that you both say hurtful things. It seems that he was lashing out at you based on what you said. I tend to get short with my own kids around bedtime more than any other time and have been yelled at by my wife. As parents we need to make sure we limit the yelling and other adult issues when around kids, but sometimes that is not possible. While what he said was a bit harsh, your comment appears to have been meant to hurt him. You are new parents and should sit down to discuss the issues related to parenthood. You may have different views. There are going to be bumps in the road and will continue to be if you are not willing to communicate with him.

Answer 6

Everybody Argus brothers,sister,friends,uncles,ants ,husbands and wife's is a natural thing. Between a marriage couple you need to know how you do it and wen you do. i do get mad on how my husband handles his situations with are kids, because hes more estric. But you should always wait until hes done handling the problem and them tell him what you think, you know how he should;t be yelling at a1 yr old, tell what he did wrong and how to take care of it. them he could go to the kids room an apology's to his son, sometimes you can help it and you do argue in from of the kids, but as mad as you are always think before you said cause neither one of you meant what you said, but both of you are hurting. It is always safe to have many on the side just in case. you can always get a par time job to save your many. The only time you should step in if hes cussing at the baby thats a no! you're argument is not that bad be strong , don;t live. There;ll be more coming up the solution is not running away. unless is physical or verbally abuse. hang in there.

Answer 7

Now you just said that you would call the cops and then you said that you had no intention of calling the cops. You said something in the heat of the moment that you did not mean and you want us to believe this. But, your husband tells you that he did not mean what he said in the heat of the same moment and you want to hold him to what he said. Why should you be believed that you did not mean what you said, but you are not willing to accept the same from him? That is a very classic double standard and it all came straight from your fingertips. You both need to apologize to each other, ask each other for forgiveness, forgive the other and get back to being a family. He no more meant what he said than you meant it when you said you would call the cops. This is not a reason to walk and the both of you need to stop yelling and fighting in front of that baby, period.

Answer 8

If he was yelling at a one year old baby that it was "time to go to sleep", then I have serious concerns about this man. A one year old can't possibly comprehend that...and he knows it. The baby just knew it needed or wanted something, and while it's normal for a parent to get frustrated with constant crying, walking away for a moment is a good way to deal with that, NOT yelling at the child. The fact that he shoved the child at you and said what he did, just cements in my mind that this guy has "anger issues", and needs some "anger management classes" or something. This can get way out of hand. I wouldn't stand for the screaming and yelling...or verbal abuse if I were you, because if you show that he CAN treat you both like that, he will continue. It's YOUR responsibility to keep your child emotionally, physically, and mentally safe and sound. Make sure you do that.

Answer 9

I'm sure it must have hurt when he said what he said. After reading your story I felt a little stick of the knife too. However, if this was the first time and no it should n't have happened, but if it's the first time he ever said anything like that to you and he has apologized, then give him the benefit of the doubt for this one. We say a lot of things we don't mean in a fit of rage. Some men don't know how to handle kids. Don't make any sudden moves just yet. I hope you let him know how you felt and hopefully he'll be more selective in his choice of words the next time there is a disagreement or lively discussion. Now if he does it again and again, I tell you what, keep you a pot of grease on the stove. Heat it up and well you know, just give him a taste of it. What the h@#$, let him have the whole pot. He won't be so quick with the hurtful insults after that. Take care

Peace and Love

Answer 10

My husband and I have had heated arguements and there a few things that I still have not gotten over. Question is, is he remorseful? How is he responding to hurting you? Why didn't you call the cops? Do you realize that you are giving him permission to treat you this way. When will you say enough? Why didn' t you leave? Did you know if you would have left , it didn't mean you would have to leave for good. You have a baby to consider, what are you teaching your son if you let your husband treats you like that? How do you think your kid will treat you when he is older? You need to grow up and fast. That baby is depending on you !

Answer 11

You are handling a lot of stressful things right now. Marriage is not easy, as you have found out, and it takes a lot of effort and patience from both spouses in order to make it work.

The fact you are not working, have no income, have a baby and that he sounds like he has issues with feeling used are different ingredients that can cause a lot of trouble...So be careful with your words! Once we speak they are no longer ours, and we cannot make others "un -hear" what we said...!

I'd consider going to counseling or therapy, so you can see what your issues really are...so you can change whatever can be changed. Try to get a part-time job.... You will feel better if you are earning something.

. Be careful and think of your child's well-being, too. If you fight in front of him he will remember this when he's older...and possibly repeat the same pattern with his wife and kids.