What's actually so WRONG by being a HOUSE-WIFE nowadays?

Question

I love doing household activities and it's one of my dream to be a good wife and a loving mother. However, when I share this with all my friend, most them told me that I'm weak, have no dream, or victimized by male-dominated chauvinistic wold craps....

What's wrong here? Since when a succesful woman is measured by her career prospect or her money income? Isn't that kinda radical feminist propaganda that share only little room for all house-wifes?


PS: I'm a college student majoring in pharmacy. I'm also a Martial Artist and profesional Dancing Queen. I believe I am NOT type of weak-desperate-stupid-ill-minded woman that beg for male mercy here!

Answer 1

I am a housewife, and I faced the same nonsense when I was in college. People actually spoke about it in hushed voices to my parents. "I heard that she plans to become a SAHM.....How are you doing with that?" in consoling tones... LOL Luckily, my parents trusted me to make my own decisions, they adore my husband, and they think that my plan to sequence raising children and then have a career later sounds pretty smart. You CAN have it all, just not all at the same time, as they would say.

Our entire society has flipped the definition of "healthy female ambition" on it's head. Women felt stifled by the idea that they must only want to be at home, and now we simply have the opposite. We are told we must ONLY want paid employment. Women are shamed for expressing any desire in homemaking at all. This is not what the goal was, IMHO - I though we were fighting for an expanded menu of choices, not for the right to belittle housewives.

Every so often, a question pops up on here about "What is WRONG with women who stay at home?" and everyone gets to speculate as to what their deep-seated psychological problems are. Generally, the person gives "best answer" to someone single and childless, (who generally insists that SAHMs just don't know how to be liberated) completely ignoring all the mothers who answered and tried to explain the joy of having a relaxed homelife.

You have no problems, however - other than being female. When polled, the VAST majority of women say that family relationships are the most important thing in their lives. Only 4 percent of female high school seniors say that they don't plan on having children. And of married moms of preschoolers, more than half raise them full-time.

I think the state of our society has become very sad since we have all been "freed" from caring about our family members. It's seen as a sort of pathology when a woman feels good taking care of her children - or worse, her husband!

Now the "healthy" thing is for all adults to pursue "self-fullfillment", which, we are assured, can ONLY come from paid employment and status symbols. Children are no longer little blessings that bring a woman maturity and help her to grow...they are burdens, and women can only be "equal" if they delegate the majority of their care to others. How sad and shallow.

There is nothing at all wrong with you. You are simply one of many different kinds of healthy, mature young women. There is plenty of evidence that pursuing a healthy homelife will bring you a lot of happiness. Try reading "The Case for Marriage", "The Price of Motherhood", "The Female Brain", and perhaps even "A Return to Modesty". The last one isn't strictly about your question, but she tackles the presumption that women must act and think exactly as men do to be considered healthy these days.

Stay strong! LOL I have never once regretted my decision to be a housewife, and I am currently watching my girl-friends who work for pay crumble under the stress of doing too much and contemplate divorce or cutting back to part-time work. There is a lot to be said for a simple, relaxed lifestyle.

EDIT: Not contributing to the economy? In industrialized countries, HUMAN capital accounts for 3/4 of the nation's resources. Where do these motivated, hardworking humans come from? Do they spring up out of the ground at age 18 or 21? LOL... if NO ONE raised children, our economy would dissolve overnight.

Answer 2

I'm a housewife and mother, although I have an empty nest now. The only aspiration I had was being a wife and mother, that's all I wanted even as a teenager. I would tell your friends that, this is your dream, and they have theirs. Were not all the same, we have different dreams and aspirations. With your collage in pharmacy, martial arts, and dancing, where are they coming from with those remarks? I think you are to be commended. It may be a jealously thing on their parts. The main thing is to live your life the way you want, and not to let others influence it. Do you have kids now? I felt blessed that I was able to stay home and raise and be with my kids, than to have them in daycare or some stranger with them. I knew where they were and how they were being treated. The greatest success I think for a woman, is to raise good, caring, law abiding citizens. This can not be measured in dollars. No amount of money can buy that. The greatest compliment I was given, or ever will be given..is that I was a good mother. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with that choice. However it is recommended you have a back up plan in case something unforeseen should happen: divorce, widowed etc. The best thing for all women to understand is the entire picture and to have respect for either choice: career or family. The problem is when we stop respecting the other choices.

Women have fought hard to have careers and are still fighting for equal pay. We are pitted against each other to the benefit of patriarchy and not because we resent each other, I won't buy into that.

I am a feminists and was a house wife for four years; I got depressed and bored, sorry it's the truth. However; I left the house for 7 months to find myself now working from home (with a nanny) and cutting back on my hours more to be with my kids as they are still young.
So my advice is keep majoring in pharmacy, practicing martial arts and always hold on to your own thing, you will need it for nothing else to remind you that you were other things.
Here is an interesting link that may shed some light on modern day motherhood whatever the choice may be:
http://nymag.com/news/features/17668/

Answer 4

I'm a housewife and there is nothing wrong with being one and there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom either. Some women just think that marriage and kids tie you down and that it'd be better if all women disregarded the prospect of ever settleing down and having kids so they could have a social life. Not all women need or want a social life. I have a 12th grade eduation and graduated high school twice. Once in 11th and once in 12th. Just don't let others tell you what you can and can't do in life.

Answer 5

What's wrong with being a housewife, well everything according to those that believe women are dumb, lazy and not living up to what her sisters before have fought for.

I'm a SAHM, and it does not mean that I am lacking in drive, it's just my choice to be a Sahm in this particular point in my life, and really what gives other people the right to knock that?

Be proud that you are the best you can be, no matter what it is that you haven chosen for yourself. When I do go back to fulltime work in just over 1 year, I will be still supportive of housewives and Sahm's because they are doing the most important job in the world, raising children and taking care of all the nitty gritty things in life without pay, it's a huge sacrifice for the benefit of society and people should be thankful.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with it. It is a valid choice just as any number of careers are valid choices. I think it is important that you consider the following:
1) you make the choice freely, it is not a role you or anyone else assumes you will take on
2) it can create a financial dependency, as Rio stated, and 3) establishing a career and then dropping out to be a housewife carries negative consequences in the workplace for dedicated career women as described by this user:
"If women keep "dropping out" to raise babies, many companies and academics will begin to feel that hiring a woman, promoting a woman, giving her opportunities is futile because she will just throw it all away once she has kids - at least a man will stick with what he started. I actually heard a boss in my office once say that he is through hiring women for any position other than a secretary because women leave when babies come. SAHM's may be beneficial to their children but they damage the progress that working women are trying to make."
in the following question:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=At.BSrMzl7JobAZnQerop9rty6IX?qid=20070608194739AAm6RhG&show=7#profile-info-xaCM1xmdaa

I"m all for a woman having a strong education and skills whether she choses a career path or to stay at home. The education you are pursuing now will benefit your children one way or another.

Answer 7

i don't see anything wrong with it. that's your choice, so do it, by all means!!

feminism has fought for the freedom to choose, and it has also fought for the rights of housewives, allowing them to be seen as actual, legally seperate humans. Before the Married Women’s Property Acts, women were basically their husband's property, & not allowed to own anything, sign contracts, have any say over the custody of their children, or even inherit their own home or anything at all in the event of their husband's death, unless "he was a really nice guy" and left her a generous 1/3 of the estate in his will. Not to mention passing laws that made it illegal for a husband to beat his wife or force her to have sex (which didn't come to pass in all 50 states until 1993!!)

I think it's really sad that some people put down housewives and full-time moms--esp moms!! that's probably THE most important job a woman can do (just as being a father is the most important thing a man can do, IMO)

i'm a feminst, btw, not an "extreme" one, i guess, but still...


edit: i do think housewives should have their own financial plan, in the event that something (god forbid) happens to their husband, or they get divorced. My mom was a stay-at-home-mom and my dad left her after 34 yrs. She never worked and all the savings and retirement plans (which she contributed to over the years) were in his name, she got very little and is struggling financially. but that doesn't mean that you have to work.

Answer 8

Its too bad that people you refer to as friend would require you to defend yourself in such ways.

Ive said before to you how I have seen so many sucessful households where the mom stays at home and the dad works out of the house. I work in high dollar renovation jobs, and usually deal with the woman of the house because she is around.
You have the freedom that they only can wish for. They probably HAVE to work to make ends meet. How is it stronger and better for a woman to slave for the dollar and leave the kids to be raised by television and everyone except you? You could very easily go and create a home based business once the kids are older and dont require as much attention, really you could do it now if you wanted, but it has to be what you want to do.
Why should someone as intelligent and competent as you be forced to do something you dont have to and see no real benefit in?
You are a creative person and can better create in your current environment. You will figure out what you want to do in life when you do. We never really know until we find out all at once. Besides, I would rather have the mother of my children around. And if she cant or wont, then I will. I hope that Dena and I will have the freedom to share in the stay at home work, sorta like alternating roles. I think we both have much to offer to our children and should share equal responsibility in raising them well.
You keep doing what you're doing and don't let those people make you question yourself like this, unless its going to inspire you to do something you want to do. =)
Love and best wishes to you always.

Answer 9

There is NOTHING wrong with being a housewife. Period. End of sentence. If a couple has agreed - equally - that the wife will stay home, then it is no one else's business or their place to judge the decision or the relationship.

I was a dedicated career woman for over twenty years. In moving to a new country with my husband, I was unable to work - so staying at home was my only choice. It was a difficult transition, but now have recognized the many benefits to myself and my husband with my being home and caring for all that needs to be done here. We have our weekends free and to ourselves. I brought my own money into the relationship, so I don't feel dependent upon him...which I think is one of the biggest pitfalls that can occur. If a woman is financially dependent upon her husband, it opens the door to all kinds of potential problems. But in knowing that pitfall from the start and with open communication - it can be a wonderful situation for both!

Answer 10

You get such a negative reaction because many women find that image outdated and it does seem as though one is limiting herself when there's a world of opportunity out there. Frankly if I had to stay at home with a toddler I'd wind up sticking my head in the oven. But someone's gotta raise our next generation, so there's nothing wrong with wanting a husband and a family but a woman should always have her own life and means of self-sufficiency.