I dont know how to react... please help!!?

Question

Hi everybody. ok, il keep this short. Me and my wife are happily married, with 2 beautiful daughters, ages 15 and 14. Now, im not opposed to gay people, i have serveral friends of the homosexual persuasion, but 2 days ago i saw my 15 year old deeply kissing another girl before getting out of the car. I would estimate the other girl was around 18-19 with a flashy new Accord. My daughter doesnt know i saw this, but i feel i should talk to her.

Answer 1

Talk to her and tell her you love her regardless of who she is and how she lives her life, but actually mean it! :)

Answer 2

ok in response to the guy who said 'thats against the law' its not. kissing is not against the law for adults & minors, however sex is. even consensual. BUT, if they are having sex ur daughter is just as guilty as the older girl. And also, are you sure of her age? I mean really you can never be sure unless you ask. And when I was your daughter's age i too was in love with a girl who was about three years older than me, it's really not that big of an age difference ( i imagine you being a dad and all probably think its a huge difference out of protection for your kid, but it really isnt.) I personally wouldnt date anyone outside of a four year difference. Any more than four years difference and it's a definite no for me.
Know as to your...question? Umm, talk to her. ALWAYS talk to your kids about sex and attraction and love and crushes, it's good to have a lot of communication and understanding with your kids. Don't be pushy, if you push she'll only push back. Try to be supportive, if she is a les or bi the last thing she wants right now is for her parents to find out and since you already have try to show her that its ok and she is your daughter and you love her no matter what.
p.s. The "flashy new accord" probably doesn't have much to do w/ur daugher kissing a girl. Just a tid bit for ya. (there are plenty of people with nice cars that your daughter could've choosen, she might actually have a crush, like, or even, maybe even, love this girl. just be prepared for the unexpected, stay calm, rational, and supportive, remember to be supportive, and give her a 'life line' show her she can come to you if she has problems or questions.) hope this helps.

Answer 3

Definitely. If your daughter is a lesbian, I'm sure she'd appreciate having someone she loves and trusts that she can confide in. Keeping a secret like that 24/7 takes way too much out of most people. Just reassure her that you love her and that she's still your "baby girl" and that she can talk to you any time about anything. Older "woman" with a flashy new Accord, huh? Your daughter has good taste! However, the age difference may be an issue, just it would be if it was your son and not your daughter. Urge caution and circumspection.

Answer 4

You definitely need to talk about it. Gender aside, she was with an older person. If you are the type who might feel more comfortable writing a letter (it seems most men aren't, in my opinion) you might try that. That way you can say all your thoughts and feelings without feeling uncomfortable about asking her if she is a lesbian/bi to her face, and she can read the letter in privacy and not feel like she is being pressured for an answer right then and there. Encourage her to write back or ask if she would like to talk about it in person. Whatever you do, don't be confrontational! You might lose her forever if you are! Make sure you include the age issue in your letter. I don't think that's even legal. Remember to tell her that you love her no matter how she chooses to live her life. Do not tell your wife you saw this (you didn't say whether you had or not, but I assume you didn't). It is your daughter's choice whether or not she will reveal this. If you haven't told your wife say that in the letter because her first question would probably be "Did you tell Mom?" I'm not saying keep your wife out of the loop, but if you two haven't discussed it I would ask your daughter for her permission to discuss it. You did not say how your wife feels about gay people, but if she doesn't like gay people you daughter doesn't need somebody yelling at her for it. However you choose to speak to her about it, please be loving, caring and understanding. Gay people have so many people against them, they really need someone in their corner! Good luck and I hope my advice helped!!!!

Answer 5

I agree, I think you should talk to her. This will probably be uncomfortable for both of you, but remember that you're doing it to find out what's going on in her life because you care about her. She may be gay, bi, experimenting or just playing around. You mention an older girl in a flashy car, which makes me think you're wondering is she's in an inappropriate relationship. You won't know anything until you talk to her. Just stay calm and let her know your asking because you care.

Answer 6

you dont have to tell her you saw, infact if you do shell probably assume that you dissaprove. given that she is 15 it might just be experimentation, it might not. lets her come to you of her own accord, and be supportive when she does.

in the meantime make sure she feels comfortable talking about sex in the house, at 15 this is a bit late to start with, but a you can talk about anything culture realy helps the development of a child in any situation.

Answer 7

well, if you brought it up im sure she would talk.
for some of us telling our parents is the hardest thing, maybe she isnt sure of herself enough to bring this up to her family yet. so you taking the first step is a good move on your part being a parent.
but, there is the issue with the older girl, thats no good, too old i think, when someone is 18-19 years old they dont have much in common with a 15 year old.
i would most defiantly be sure i addressed the age difference in your conversation.

Answer 8

I'm a gay parent of a16 year old. I wouldn't let him date anyone without my knowing regardless of gender. I'd encourage you to imagine it was a man, consider how you would act, then do the same thing. Don't make too big a deal out of the gender aspect or assume that this means she is definitely a lesbian - don't ask about that at all unless she wants to talk about it. But you are the parent - you don't have to pretend you didn't see. Just be honest.

Answer 9

Wow tricky one. Even if you are 100% cool with her possibly being gay, no kid likes to have her parents butt into her business. I'd say don't bring it up directly to her. If she knows you love her and knows you are fine with homo/bisexuality, she'll tell you when she's ready. But if you want to drop a hint here and there just to be sure, I'd say go that route but careful not to be too obvious. What would you have done if you saw her kissing a boy in the car? Treat it just the same.

Answer 10

Be subtle. Without mentioning the kiss, ask her "who's your friend with the new car?" If she acts strangely, let it pass. But also subtly, if you have any gay friends, begin slowly introducing them into a topic if not then but later, just as a general conversation. That way if she is in a gay relationship herself, she will later be comfortable telling you. Its not for you to confront her, it is for her to come out and tell you herself. Which, I believe is why it is referred to "coming out."

Answer 11

I feel u should talk to her as well but NOT in a confrontational manner. If u openly condemn it or judge her for it...the further away you will push her. Try sitting her down and expressing to her that u love her and want to have open lines of communication with her about anything she may need to talk about. Once she feels comfortable enough, she may choose to share it with u. If not, allow her to figure things out herself first and find the strength to approach u with it. Forcing it out of her will only make things strained and awkward between u and that's never good.

Good luck