is there ever a chance for two people who are cheating together to actually make it work?

Question

i am married and needing to end it (but will not until my child goes away to school) the man i am in love with is in a 6 year realtionship...we became friends and fell in love and now we are working to try to severe these ties with our 'others" by this time next year so we can be together!

does this ever really work? i love him and i know he loves me! do we stand a chance? i have asked God for his forgiveness but i love him so much and want this to happen so bad! i am afraid i have become blinded by it all!

Answer 1

No way! If you cheat with others now, you'd cheat on each other then. I'm betting you're not the only one he's cheating with right now.

Answer 2

Think it out logically. Hold back what you want to happen and just think it through.

To different people are married to two other people and have a family and life with these other people.
Life gets boring or starts to get hard.
If life was great with their spouses they would of been to happy to look/find some happiness else where.
Now this act of looking/finding happiness else where is it selfless or selfish? Its selfish because it is only focused on that person's happiness and ignores the pain it might cause their spouse or family.
So two selfish people found each other.
What is the likelihood of a selfish person being selfish in the future? Depends on how quick of a learner they are.
Now multiply it by two people both learning to be selfless and not trying to run away from their problems, but instead standing together and facing them together. Since there are only four outcomes (they both learn, one learns, the other learns, neither learns) the chance of a happy ending is 25%.
Then throw in the statistics that 70% likely heard of a divorced person to get divorced again. You have 25% or a 30% chance divided by 2 which equals 3.75% chance at happiness.
So there is a 3.75% chance of happiness. Its not much, but it isn't a 0%.

Answer 3

Hi. My honest opinion is that / no , it will not work out. You have to ask yourself (and him) why haven't you already ended your present relationships?? There is always a reason not to end a relationship. The feeling for this man have not been tested in' the real world'. Okay, so you have probably discussed having a relationship together numerous times but this is an unfullfilled action. Neither of you are actively doing anything about that. Also - I know it sounds fickle - but the secret of your affair adds to the excitment and the thrill.
I think you have being 'blinded' by the excitment and rush of this affair. You are cheating because there is a fundamental problem with your husband not because you have fallen in love again. Concentrate on sorting that out first. Good luck.

Answer 4

First - you're kidding yourself by saying you won't leave your husband until the child leaves for school. There are many couples who "stay together for the kids," but it's never healthy. Children are EXTREMELY perceptive and they know when things aren't right at home...and it effects the way they view r'ships. You need to be aware that your behavior is always teaching your child how r'ships are supposed to work. When a child witnesses their parents being disrespectful to each other, they think that's a healthy r'ship and usually go on to pattern their own behavior that way. YOu have to do what makes you happy.

Second - does it work? I'd say it's 80/20....with 20% of it working. I mean....will you every FULLY trust him? If he was willing to cheat on someone he supposedly loved, would he ALWAYS be faithful to you? And same goes for you. How can he ever fully trust you when he knows you've already cheated once. I think 2 people who will cheat once are more prone to do it again given enough time and the circumstance.

Answer 5

Without knowing the full details of the situation. I do know that God is a merciful God and will forgive. You are not alone. There are many people in your shoes, but not many who are brave enough to admit it. There are no guarantees what life will bring us. We can only have faith and hope. If this is what you truly want then you should follow your heart. I feel you on this one. I believe that it can work if you both feel the same way. Why be miserable waiting for a current situation to get better. Suppose it don't. You will regret the waisted years. I know I have. Give it some careful thought and whatever your decision I pray that it will work out for you as long as you are not deliberately trying to hurt someone. Make sure of that first. Take care and God bless.

Peace and Love

Answer 6

I personally don't approve of cheating in a marriage but you have to ask yourself.....when you do get this divorce, why wouldn't it be worth a try? Obviously this person makes you happy and your spouse doesn't! I am now happily married to the man I cheated on several of my past flames with.......I couldn't be happier! Cheating is wrong and I will never do it again, because I found what REALLY makes me happy, and I believe that 'll never need anything else!!

Things could work, but never keep yourself in a position where you are unhappy! At least now you'll know when things are going south.....keep a clear mind and focus on you and your happiness!

Answer 7

If you fell in love with another man, you should have gotten a divorce and be fair to your husband. You are waiting for your child to go away for college before breaking the news??? Don't you think that your child may be stressed out when he or she finds out that you and daddy is getting a divorce? he or she could do bad in their first term in college. I think you are being rather self fish and not thinking about any one's feelings here besides yours and the guy who you are having an affair with.

Your question is will the relationship work? It works if both of you make it work. However, considering the circumstance, you are being very inconsiderate of your son and husband.

Answer 8

Statistically only about one in one hundred of these kinds of relationships last for the long term. Of course, this makes sense because when liars and cheaters come together there is usually just more lying and cheating. Sorry dear. End your current relationship with some dignity. Only then will you be available to move on to a healthy relationship.

Answer 9

I have seen a few people stay together for a long time in this situation, but I have to say that more often than that, it doesn't work out. First of all, you're building your relationship on a shakey foundation. How can you truly ever trust each other? I mean, how do you know that down the road, something might happen, and another woman or man come along,and you guys might do this to each other just like you did it to your current spouses? Also, it's wrong to stay in a marriage "for the kid" because the kid is not stupid. Kids pick up on things, and it's better for them to suffer a bit of pain, but in the end see a HEALTHY relationship between a woman and a man, than to see a disfunctional one, because they learn by example, and repeat what they see. Another thing. God will forgive you, but will YOU forgive you? You better get used to living with "guilt" for the rest of your life. You might love the other man, but you will always "feel bad" that you stomped someone's heart to get to him. It's true what someone else said here. "What goes around comes around". That sounds rude, but it's true that whatever we put out, comes back just like a boomerang, and when Karma comes callin', she bites pretty hard. My advice is that you do not really know yourself enough to get involved with this other man, because clearly, you can not follow "boundaries", or commit to one person truly. It takes a LOT of maturity to stay within the confines of a marriage when the going gets rough, and things start to fade a bit. Happiness, by the way, is not something someone else can give you. You can go through a hundred men looking for this, and until you finally "get it", that happiness is something you give yourself from within, without the help of someone else, then you will keep repeating these patterns. I don't feel you're mature enough to be with either of these men at this point, and it would be better for you to get away from both of them, find out who you really are, what you really need, what makes you tick..., THEN and only then, can you honestly pursue a relationship. Good luck....because I know from experience, that every time there's a fork in the road, and we make bad decisions and take the wrong path, we set ourselves up for "stepping stone life lessons", and some of them take YEARS of training from the School of Hard Knocks before we find our way and begin making good decisions for ourselves....not just what we "want" but what's really good for ourselves, and the ones connected to us.




YOU GUYS BETTER NOT GIVE AN ANSWER MARGEE DOESN'T LIKE, OR SHE'LL SICK HER FRIEND ON YOU: (I'll never understand people that post questions to get a variety of answers, then when they get one they don't like, go on the attack. And for the record, I don't EVER give advise on subjects I have absolutely no experience with on one end or the other!)

From: moogles

Subject: Margee's question about two cheating- will they make it

Message: First of all you don't know her well enough to make the comment about her maturity. You don't know that they stomped (as you call it) on their current spouses hearts. Most of your advise to her didn't make any sense. You can only advise someone in a situation such as hers only if you've been there. If you on the outside lookin in, it's probably best not to answer. It's too bad that everyone don't have the perfect relationsihp like you do obviously.
Next time you answer a question, please know what you are talking about and think before you type.

Answer 10

Rarely if ever does this work. I am a marriage counselor; I see it all the time.

If, on the off chance, the cheating partners do get together, it doesn't last long at all, or the cycle starts all over again.

Answer 11

No one can say if it will work or not, but not forever. You will both finally come together after all the waiting and realize it is no different than any other relationship. You will see that it gets just as routine as the other over time.