found out that he hung out with and slept with someone else after I asked him for a break. He said it was nothing and that he cares about me. I know we were in essence broken up, but it pains me that he was able to do this so quickly afterwards. I know he thinks of it as just sex, but it really kills me inside to imagine him with someone else. So now I am deciding whether or not I want to pursue things again after talking to himn yesterday for the first time in over a month. I care about him so much, and we are so good together, but now I am just so confused. I do know he cares about me, but now I am dounting the reasons why he cares about me. I am also doubting how honest he is when he tells me he cares about me, since how could he have done that if he really did? We are both in our mid 20's and I am ready for a real relationship with someone I can trust. I used to feel that he was the one, and I still do in some ways, but this has scared me from letting myself fall again.
2007-06-13 03:53:39 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"I am ready for a REAL relationship, with SOMEONE I can trust"....your exact words.....I know you are...you just need to find THAT person....the cheater is NOT him!!
2007-06-13 04:03:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hello stranger ,
Well , well , well . I understand the feelings as your saying"managing him with someone else on bed really kills you inside" . Honestly , it is tough for us to accept it .Only when we were dropped in that situation , we understand how hard it is ! Perhaps , my words are just quite normal coz what I wanna say , people already did that . Okay , better I tell you something related to my experiences . That is : when you love someone , use your heart and use your head please .
Listen , he slept with another girl , sure , he has rights to do that coz both of you broke up . It just came so fast - faster than your thought -maybe , but sooner or later , it will happen . You seemed still hope something from his side while you already broke up . Little selfish! Well , I didn't mean accuse you . We should be selfish a little bit in this life , specially girls . Why not ? So if you still really really love him , then just come back and tell him what you think . Give him a chance coz you know , sometimes we need forgive to someone . No one can't get angry with others forever . It has never been too late . Just tell him what you think or what you are going to do or evenwhen you feel empty inside at that time ; if he still loves you , I believe that he is smart enough to handle that . If not , then don't just follow to a man who doesn't even know how to manage everything at the start - Again it has never been too late to set another way in life .
Listen , you are young , and this situation is just one of in many many stuffs you will have to face in this complicated life . Try to imagine , you have a popsicle or something you really like to taste . See , you have rights to choose "eating or not eatting more" . Just throw it anytime you don't want . Of course , life is not as simple as eating a popsicle . Well , to be honest , without trust , love will be never able to exist , it will be dead , sooner or later . Trust me ! Now you can't trust him and keep being sceptical . Even if , you get married with him , would your future life be going smoothly ? Are you sure that you will not remind what he used to make in the past when both of you quarell in family life ? Life is not as easy as eating a cake or a pizza . Sometimes it will be going up also going down . No one is perfect - remember it ! You and your partner need to be together to overcome troubles . Say goodbye to him if necessary . Time can heal any wounds - You will be sad , you will cry , you will try to find an answer for what you did right or wrong . . . etc but it will be okay . You are growing up little by little and realize what you have spent just like a dream or . . . nightmare ! Be brave ! Just do what you consider it is right , and surely never regret , you will feel better . It might be silly sometimes , but at least you satisfied at that time .
I think people's advices here are quite useful . Dont be sad anymore . The sky is still bright ! Hope you are well .
Bye
2007-06-13 12:21:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is the problem... You were the one who asked for a break. The truth is you didn't believe in the relationship for whatever reason. You may have even wondered if someone else that you connect with would be a better dating option. The guy was probably really hurt and acting on impulse. He needed someone to heal his wounds. While this isn't how a girl would handle the problem, it is the same as a chick going to a male friend to talk and confide in them about their pain.
I know it doesn't make logiacl sense to women but men are significantly different in their thinking.
This relationship won't work out without you trusting him. And as much as you want to make him feel bad and understand how he made you feel because he slept with someone on your break, you need to understand how he feels. He felt that you were breaking up with him. Unless you both set rules for the break, you can't xpect him to wait for you while you go through a rollercoaster and try to take him with you.
It sounds though that he really isn't the guy you want. You want someone who is totally dedicated to you. Someone who loves you so much that he couldn't even entertain the thought of hooking up with another woman no matter what. Someone who fights for your love and doesn't give up when it gets tough. This guy doesn't obviously look at the relationship that way. My advice, although technically he wasn't in the wrong... for you and your heart, he didn't do what was right. Don't get back into this relationship at least for a while until you know he is more serious about you. But if you want him to wait for you, you have to tell him what you expect.
I hope this helps. I know it is hard because you have invested your heart into this. It feels like love, but love goes two ways. So listen to your heart now and the way that it feels betrayed. It shows that you felt there was more there than he did. Follow your own advice and at least take time to think things over, maybe even find someone more your style. Good luck!
2007-06-13 11:09:48 · answer #3 · answered by Amanda G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and one thing i have learned is trust your self if you think you can't trust him, if you feel you question the way he feels for you than you have to think what is best for you. I say this because if you still want him it will always be in the back of your mind and you will not let your guard down. Evening knowing it was a break. You asked him for this break would he still have had sex with some else if you where still with him? sweetheart you are young just like me i am in my 20's too and i am heartbroken from the father of my baby and I tell you now we are to young to play games with these man who are not looking for a real love (the one). I think you should move on, to keep him is only keeping to pain with you. Your ready find the one don't stay with someone who you question.
2007-06-13 11:14:36 · answer #4 · answered by gia00601 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asked for a brake and now your heart is broken. Let start off with a question... Did he tell you this info of sleeping with someone else or did you find out from someone else?
Now we have that straight. I'm gonna just shoot and believe "HE" told you. If he told you, he's being open and honest and people like this can be trusted. When he tells you he loves you, he means it.
If you found out by someone else, it becomes secretive and this my friend leaves dishonest and not trust worthy, right?
Only you know the answer to my only question. You know what to do from here.
The other thing, if he did tell you, never bring it up again, do not pry, it will lead to opening a sore for you, after all, you are with him because you love and trust him. I Wish you the Best of Luck.
2007-06-13 11:09:17 · answer #5 · answered by Charley 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in that situation once, and I know how painful it is. It's my experience that guys don't have a close relationship with their feelings and so when they feel rejected or abandoned (which I'm sure you were not trying to do), they seek aproval, and sex is the quickest way for them to feel worthy or good. I've heard the expression " If you want to get OVER someone, get UNDER someone else". And that's what they do. The thing is, is that his need for an ego boost hurt you alot and he showed you who he is in those situations. Now he knows, if you want him great, if you don't there are others that do, and you shouldn't be slave to that kind of mentallity.
2007-06-13 11:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by happyness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your the one that asked for the break! Is he just supposed to sit around and wait until your ready again or if your ready again? I think your being a little selfish, thinking about yourself and how you feel and not even caring about how he felt when you initiated the break, not really knowing whether you were getting back together or not. If your having that many doubts and don't think you can trust him, then let him go and then he won't always be left hanging there, wondering.
2007-06-13 11:11:30 · answer #7 · answered by 24Special 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is a mish-mash of contradictions. If you care about him and thought he was the "one" then why did you ask for the break? And since you were the one to ask for it, then why get hurt that he gave you what you wanted? I understand you think that he doesn't care if he could so easily and quickly sleep with someone else, well men are not like women. It seems to me you are playing a game and you lost. You don't play hard to get with men who are hard to get. Either you want him or you don't. And since you said you didn't - by asking for a break - then he went on with his life. Was he supposed to sit idly by and wait for you to come back to him? This isn't Oprah or Lifetime Television for Women, men just don't do that - like we women do. They don't sit and "ponder". You set him free and someone else jumped on him. This is your fault, sorry to say. So if he's willing to take you back, then I think you need to let this go and quit playing games. He didn't break the trust in my mind, now you need to make up your mind as to what you want. And if I were you, I wouldn't wait too much longer. Good luck.
2007-06-13 11:26:00 · answer #8 · answered by Brandy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well sweetie you asked for a break up and it happen and he got with someone eles so if you was broke up then there is not much you can say or do about it maybe next time you will think about it before you actually tell him that you want a break from him but its in the past and if you two are back togther again then you can't harp on it and you can't bring it up you need to forgive him and forget it if you all was broke up
2007-06-13 11:12:51 · answer #9 · answered by mammabear_327 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys are completely different than girls. And most guys can seperate thier emotional needs from thier physical needs. He may think he truly loves you but his actions do say otherwise. Whether you love him or not you are not looking for the type of guy that he is. Find someone with more heart and compassion. Those guys are out there and they would never do that to you.
2007-06-13 11:16:36 · answer #10 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate the term were on a "break" you either are together or you break up. sounds like he moved on pretty quickly though. I would be a little careful of someone who looks just to hook up as boyfriend material.or you may find yourself being in an emotional rollercoaster with him
2007-06-13 11:05:43 · answer #11 · answered by GA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋