Am i being totally unfair?

Question

been married 5 years, at moment struggling with mental illness, not much support from husband. Lots money problems, been stuck in house 2 months now, started chatting with guy on net, absolutely lovely, going to meet, not for sex just chat and company, he's married too and unhappy! he always pays lovely compliments. I love my husband but need some fun. Am i being selfish or should i finally have some fun. Please help

Answer 1

You are being selfish.

I'm sorry but even without support from your husband, turning to someone else is wrong. If you have money worries, maybe your husband is worrying too and feels he is not getting the support he needs because you are on the net!

Do you think some stupid fun will distinguish all your problems? It wont - it will make things worse by giving you more to worry about.

Sit down and talk to your husband properly. And switch your computer off!

Answer 2

ok well forget all the self righteous people calling you selfish it isnt that simple and life is not black and white. Firstly I had an internet 'friend' a few years back when i was deeply unhappy in my then relationship - he too was 'lovely', paid me compliments and funnily enough 'unhappy' in his marriage. I hate to sound harsh but basically he is exploiting the fact that your are lonely and vunerable at the moment. and most likely he does have sex in mind when thinking about meeting you. Even if he doesnt this man is not the answer to your problems, but a mere distraction, and escapism. If he is unhappily married why hasnt he divorced? dont tell me - he has kids and cant leave or his wife is depressed. He is probably telling you what he thinks yuo want to hear. I know it's hard but sometimes when we become emotaionally attached to someone we meet in teh virtual world, we end up kind of obsessed with them and the real world doesnt matter anymore - but it does. What you need to do is distance yourself from this man and please don't meet him, you are probably already 'dependent' on him to cheer you up and if he isnt there to talk to you feel upset am i right? You need to concentrate on what s happening in the real world and do something about it to make you happy. Speak to your hubbie tell him how unhappy you feel and see if there is a way forward. This man is not the answer to your problems, I promise you. If you decide to meet him please be careful and meet in a public place- after al you don't really know him, however much you think you do. WHatever you decide I hope it works out for you. Good Luck. xx

Answer 3

Hi,i cant help myself for being sorry for u and answer this question. I do understand at some stage we do feeling lonely and vulnerable. at some point i do feel like i could not share my feeling and thought with my partner either: 1) they are not being supportive and ignorance 2) they just didnt and dont want to understand you.
I could not blamed you for chatting with other man on net cos sometime stranger will pay more attention and care better than your close friend and family. At the same time it will boost your ego and confidence as you feel like opposite sex start to attract to you simply by chatting. The thing you should aware of now is to set your boundary. How far will go with this guy? what are you guys always chatting all about? if you looking for attention from opposite sex( which they could be a very good listener) at the beginning but please expect that they will taking this to take advantage on you.
What i could say is you should know where you will lead this chatting guys to.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Well its bad question I think its only fair to be honest.
Its bad on the part is ur ill and ur husband is standing by u, so u shoudl be rele going out wiv him and spoiling him for all the help he done. On other hand, I know u need to get away from all this and someone new would clear ur head. But personally I would not go. U dont know what kinds of reaction u would get offur partner plus u dont know what the new guy has in mind in the long run. Its very risky. If u love your partner, spend the money on a nite out for u 2 and the compliments this new guy gives u will be coming out of ur husbands mouth as u made the effort even tho ur ill xxxx

Answer 5

You are telling yourself it is just to chat. There is an undertone of excitement and anticipation in the words which makes me think at a deeper level you hope for more. If you have been struggling with mental illness this kind of strain is not going to help you at all. If your relationship with your husband is not good then talk through where it is going? Have you a future with him or not. You are married you owe it to both him and yourself to be honest. A little fling will not cure you of any depressive illness but when it ends in tears the tears will bring untold pain. Talk to him. If that does not bear fruit re evaluate your situation and find strength to do what is right for you.

Answer 6

You're complicating your life with this other guy. You say you're stuck in the house, why not go out for a walk, get some exercise and fresh air.
Honestly where do you think this is going to lead you? Do you want to leave your husband? If you're looking for some fun don't get involved with someone else, it might be fun to start with but what happens if your husband or his wife finds out?
You deserve to be happy so make things happen for you that make you happy, get your husband to be more supportive of your illness.
Think carefully about it.

Answer 7

I don't think your being selfish-But it seems like your wanting attention and some support that your own husband isn't giving you. Dealing with any kind of illness is difficult. First tell your husband that you would like some support from him and you wish he would take you out sometimes. Maybe he's having a hard time dealing with your illness but he doesn't know how to handle it either. Maybe you both should go out together and try to rekindle what was lost.

Answer 8

If you go to meet up with this other guy make sure someone knows where you have gone to. Personally think it's not good to go and meet up with him as he is also married. If you had 'fun' that means you are both cheating, it is not being fair on your husband/wife.
You say you love your husband, then you do not want to hurt him? Stay strong and try talking to your husband and communicating how you are feeling.
You are gaining confidence from a stranger paying you compliements. It always feels good receiving compliments but at what / who's cost. I think you all ready know in your mind what you wish to do. I just say be honest to others and treat them with respect, especially if you love them. Good luck with decision.

Answer 9

Don't kid yourself, it is absolutely about sex otherwise you would have found a female grandmotherly type to 'chat' with.

And unless you are confined to a bed, there is no 'stuck in house 2 months now'. And you obviously aren't, 'cause you're planning to meet the guy.

Drag your butt out of the house and go for a walk.. clears the head, don't ya know? And as for the husband who is 'not much support'- wave goodbye to that much support if you get caught playing games.

Answer 10

Think you should sit your husband down and explain how you really are feeling. Don't meet this new guy, think back at the reasons you fell in love with your husband and why you married him. Men are always the same they don't always understand what we girls go through. You've not been married for long either really! If your short on cash, why not try going out for walks together especially now the summers on its way. Also have you read Barbel Mhor's 'Cosmic Ordering' I recommend you try it - it works. You have to be realistic in what you order and you must have faith in it. Give it a go it's worth it.