My husband recently went and changed his checking account not to include me and has been out all hours of the night. He tells me there is nothing going on but I don't belive that. I don't want to lose him. I admitt I have not been the best wife in the world but I work he doesn't I take care of the kids, pay the bills, clean the house, etc he does not have to lift a finger. What have I done wrong?
2007-06-13 02:59:01 · 25 answers · asked by HELP ME!!! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some of you have stated about the fact that my boss and I have had affair and that is true but my husband knows nothing about any of this.
2007-06-13 03:14:14 · update #1
Everything you mentioned has nothing to do with being married! It doesn't matter who takes care of the kids, pays the bills, cleans the house, etc..... and it doesn't matter if you work or not.
All the items you mentioned are things that complicate marriage.
Communication and mutual respect and honesty and LOVE have everything to do with marriage.
Counseling and communication will save it!
Good Luck
2007-06-13 03:05:29 · answer #1 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is he not working? Does he do anything at all to help you around the house or does things that need to be done while your at work? No one is the best husband or wife but I would seriously talk to him and find out whats going on in his mind. There's nothing wrong with doing everything that your doing but honey a marriage is a two way street so why are you letting him do this to you? Maybe you shouldn't let him have any money if your the only one working. Make him spend his own money. If he took you off his account, then take him off yours. You gotta give him a taste of his own meds so that he sees what hes doing to you. Fight back if you love him but don't let him continue to treat you like a dog. Not good for you or your kids. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking its normal for people to be treated that way?
2007-06-13 03:14:50 · answer #2 · answered by EspysMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG - are you serious??? Honestly, do you believe this is about something you have done wrong?? WHY do women do that???? This man does NOTHING for you, yet you want to keep him and have convinced yourself that HE deserves better from you?? What in the hell do you need him for? He doesn't work, he doesn't care for his children, he doesn't clean the house, he stays out all night...etc..... Am I missing something? You should be the one leaving him!!!!!!!! Instead, you are crying and feeling sorry for yourself. AHHHHHHH!! This crap makes me absolutely crazy!!!
What have you done wrong?? You have allowed this man to use you and disregard his responsibilities as a husband and father. You have allowed him to convince you that it is somehow your fault. You have allowed him to treat you exactly the way he is treating you - like crap!!
Take your life back and stop allowing him to do this to you!!!!!!! Buck up and get a back bone!! Next time he leaves, pack his crap and put it on the door step. You will be better off without him!!!!!
P.S. Did you have an affair with your boss? Is that why you feel guilty and allow yourself to deal with his crap? You had an affair, you made a mistake....ok? So now you punish yourself and allow him to punish you for the rest of your life? NO, NO, NO!! Don't allow that for yourself!
2007-06-13 03:12:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've let someone walk all over you, that's what you have done wrong!
He takes you for granted because you let him.
Why would you carry what sounds like 100% of the responsibilities and workload? You're not this man's slave, you're his wife.
Demand that he get a job and start contributing around the house and taking care of the children. If he won't do these things, let him know with an ultimatum that you will kick him to the curb, and then, if he still behaves like this, and doesn't shape up immediately after the ultimatum, do it--kick him to the curb.
You don't need this man. You don't rely on him for a single thing, sounds like to me.
(Is this a true story? I almost can't believe it...)
2007-06-13 03:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What have you done wrong? Since you have stated in previous questions that you had an affair with your boss, it's no surprise that your marriage is failing.
If you want to save your marriage, you need to get another job and get away from your boss. Get into counseling with your husband.
Edited to add: So are you trying to say that because you're husband doesn't know about your affair, that it didn't harm your marriage? That you didn't pull away from your husband while you were intimate with your boss? That it's OK because your husband doesn't know about it?
The only way to heal your marriage is through honesty. You need to be honest with yourself about the harm you have done to your marriage, and then come clean with your husband. He might leave you, but that is his choice to make. I suggest working with a marriage counselor.
2007-06-13 03:09:26 · answer #5 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably have not done done anything wrong...this is all him honey. No one is the best wife in the world, the postion does not exist...I've tried. From what you said, it does sound like there is something going on and if he won't tell you maybe it's time, money permitting, to hire an investigator. If you don not have that kind of money, I would be extra watchful of him...especially if things don't add up. You need to know the truth, however painful it must be, in order to move on. I hope this has helped some...
Best of Luck to you....
moonfairy
2007-06-13 03:07:12 · answer #6 · answered by moonfairy_032175 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has not been the best husband. There is nothing more you Can do, he has obviously found someone else and is going to leave. So you had better get prepared. It sounds as if there is nothing you can do, is there anyway you can look at his canceled checks? Maybe he does no want you to see where he is or who he is spending his money on are you guys still having sex? If not then you should know what is going on.
2007-06-13 03:05:53 · answer #7 · answered by mamacitasue 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I made the same mistake, let him take some responsibility in the marriage, he is taking you for granted and doesn't see that he has a role in the family at all. Please talk to him and tell him how you feel and suggest to let him get more involved. Good luck! Oh and by the way, it is always best to keep separate checking accounts and agree on who pays how much of each bill, it makes life a lot easier this way.
2007-06-13 03:05:13 · answer #8 · answered by piano19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your question, it doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong, except let him sponge off of you. If he doesn't work, how is he able to open his own checking account? He can't deposit your check into his account. Talk to him, although that doesn't work sometimes either. If he does leave he is going to have to get off his lazy a s s and find a way to pay child support. I don't know why you don't want him to leave and how you can possibly have any respect for him.
2007-06-13 03:09:34 · answer #9 · answered by Aquaria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you've done wrong isn't the issue. He's clearly putting distance between the two of you. He's fooling around. Trust me when I tell you this. You have to decide if you want to live like this. My suggestion is to confront him: calmly, logically, firmly. If he won't come clean, then I suggest you find a good women's divorce attorney and prepare for the oncoming battle. Get what's yours and the kids.
2007-06-13 03:04:17 · answer #10 · answered by Net Rider 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋