Do you believe in fidelity?

Question

Is too much energy expended on fidelity? Should we expect it, or would it make more sense to lower our expectations in regards to being monogomous?

Please explain why you feel the way you do.

Answer 1

Monogamy enshrines a certain idea. But if you actually put that idea to people, most would find it ridiculous. "Is it possible to love only one person at a time?" Nonsense! Loving one parent doesn't exclude loving the other one. Having a girlfriend doesn't push the parents out of the scene. And just as love sometimes doesn't die with the death of a person, sometimes it doesn't die with the end of a relationship, so many people still love their ex even though they can't or don't want to be with them. Or - more controversially - romantically love someone new even though they're already in a monogamous romantic relationship.

The only question is what you are going to do about it.

Many people try to repress all their feelings within that area. Quite obviously it doesn't work all the time. That leaves you with two alternatives and four choices:

Two involve sticking within the current framework. You may have one or the other. Neither of these are great solutions, really... one person you love will be unavailable to you. Nor is it too great from the point of view of your loves - each will be denying you something you want (who would want to deny something to one they loved?).

The third option is to take neither. It is arguably a lot more ethical to not have a relationship than to betray the people in your relationship. So if you cannot make a commitment to one or the other, perhaps you should avoid that kind of commitment altogether, neh?

The fouth option is to try and have both. Where the relationship is inflexible, some people do this by cheating. If either partner finds out, however, it may just as easily lead to you having nothing too (and in a much worse way). Though it is not the norm in my society, some relationships ARE flexible enough to accomodate infidelity. Whether these relationships are realistic or idealistic I'll leave up to you.

I can certainly say I've had some experience in that area. Though I never felt any overwhelming interest in other people, my wife did on a number of occasions, and I even granted her permission to pursue a dalliance from time to time. In my case it turned out poorly... after a time she stopped asking whether I was okay with it, and then she simply stopped caring. Though our relationship had not been monogamous for some time, when I actually caught her CHEATING in spite of this, it was very difficult for me to deal with.

Some say that I should have demanded fidelity instead of trying to be accomodating and understanding. Maybe it would have saved my marriage... or maybe it would have made it something not worth saving. I can't really say I regret the choices I made. Just how they turned out.

Hope that helps. Peace.

Answer 2

It's a mindset like any other lifestyle. If you want to be healthy, you will have the mindset of a healthy lifestyle like eating right and excersising. These things will just be a part of you and come naturally.

If you want to have a special type of relationship then you will be in the mindset that puts the other person above even your own selfishness. This should come naturally depending on your state of mind. It may take a bit of work to get into that state of mind however, just like it takes work to get into shape physically and it takes work to success in business, etc...

In relationships, you can't be selfish. We see it all around us when people take part selfishly in what is inheirently a selfless act and the damage it can cause. If you have the mindset that relationships are for serving each other and not being served, then the proper mindset for fidelity is in place.

If your in a relationship to satisfy yourself first, then fidelity becomes very hard. Examples of selfishness in relationships are too numerous to count and we all know the end results. It takes work as a person to be less selfish.

Answer 3

Ii imagine that the words *fidelity* and *dishonest* and *mendacity* are misnomers because human beings do no longer want to be monogamous and monogamy is a societal construct inspite of the indisputable fact that deeply imprinted that's on society and persons - and the area is rife with shame and guilt to make concerns even worse. human beings in ordinary words stay in love for a optimum of three years and yet society has tricked maximum heteros into committing for existence before a fictional deity on the start of this unrealistic and romantic section that feels practically different-worldly interior of three years the emotions have lengthy gone many times so why stay mutually? A minority stay mutually willingly inspite of the indisputable fact that the overwhelming majority do not and *dishonest* isn't the right be conscious for it. that's basically general to be attracted to others and to pass for it even as all has waned with contemporary or about-to-be-left contemporary better 1/2.

Answer 4

Fidelity is only an issue when someone gets hurt. Contrary to popular belief, mankind are not a monogamous species. We choose, for various reasons, to be so.

That being said, fidelity should be adhered to unless all parties agree that no one will be hurt. This is the moral high road. However, it is human nature to also become jealous and someone will eventually be hurt, it is only a matter of time and emotions. thus, the ethical high-ground is to be monogamous. To have fidelity.

Answer 5

Most people at the outset of a relationship, establish the ground rules for their social contract to proceed. One of those ground rules is usually fidelity. The penalty for infractions is usually termination of the contract.
In our society fidelity is implicit. You naturally assume that you are currently "the one." The problem is that monogamy is something you have to work at. Relationships are something you have to work at. They require maintenance and occasional overhaul. The reasons are primarily biological; procreation.
If your circumstances are such that those biological considerations are not of overiding importance, then the need for monogamy is eliminated. For example, if you never intend to have children or are so independently wealthy that you do not require a partnership to take case of the offspring. For most people, these circumstances do not apply and so they seek a likeminded mate to create the family that they instinctively need.
There is the option of having multiple spouses I suppose, but given the work required to maintain one relationship, I can't imagine trying to maintain more. I guess the traditional system has stood the test of time and works well enough, so we retain it.

Answer 6

I believe in fidelity, but I think our society has a skewed vision of what fidelity means.

I think in our society we are taught that there is one person who will fulfill our every emotional need, and this is not realistic. We are also taught that we should only love one person.

I don't expect my husband to fulfill every emotional need I have. I have friends and family members who fulfill emotional needs that he can not or will not fulfill.

I am also aware that either my husband or I might meet people who interest us. And we might fall in love with that person. BUT...

We also know how to cope with these emotions without forsaking our vows of monogamy. But not everyone has this knowledge.

We (as a society) are not teaching these coping skills to our children, just as we (as a society) were not taught them.

And I believe this is harming our society because it is expected that if you feel "love" for a person there is only way to go - into a sexual relationship. Because we are taught that committed monogamous sex is the "ultimate expression of love".

So... We love them. We either cheat (which harms everyone) or we repress (which causes resentment towards our spouse).

There is no way to win.

Answer 7

For some people I believe monogamy isn't the best choice and forcing it only causes pain for all involved. But those people just have to be completely honest about their feelings. It's only infidelity if you're being untrue. If both parties know it's not a monogamous relationship there's no problem. The problem lies in the dishonesty.

But, yes, some people should lower their expectations for monogamy and those who don't wish to have monogamous relationships should be more honest about that feeling.

Answer 8

Ive been monogomous with the same man(husband) now for 15 years and couldn't love him more, he is true to me too and I know it because I believe in him! Expecting what you are willing to offer in a relatioship back in return is never wrong!

Answer 9

Any two people who are totalley commited to each other wouldn't be interested in anything from anone else. Its a part of what is called love. Fidelity is as much a mental thing as it is a physical thing.

Answer 10

If you are in a committed relationship then I completely believe in fidelity. There should be a special bond that no one else should be allowed to break, be it mentally, emotionally, or physically.