if it were you, what would you do?

Question

For the past 5 years I have been involved with a man . He is my first love. He cheated on me , many times. But , obviously , the good must have outweighed the bad because for 5 years , I stayed. He recently moved away to another state to get his life together. We forgave eachother for a lot of hurt we caused eachother in the past . While he has been away , I met someone, he , has a child whom he and the childs mother may/may not still have a relationship ( that part is unclear!).My first love recently came back and asked me to marry him , he wants me to move away with him and for us to try that "happily ever after thing". But the truth is , I am in love with the new guy.I can do better , I know that I deserve better . But I want him . I have had some seriously rough breaks in my life and my first love is offering a life I have alwayswanted-family , home, love.Should I try with the new guy , or should i just go with my first love?

Answer 1

You pick some real losers don't you. Try getting your life together first. Don't define yourself by whom you are with. Try to find someone who will be true to you.

Answer 2

First you need to realize that you are setting yourself up for the exact same treatment with the new guy as you got with the old one.

If it is at all unclear if he has a current relationship then leave and don't look back. It should be first and foremost in a relationship that you are exclusive to each other and having doubts already about whether or not he is in a relationship is just silly.

The first guy can say all he wants that he has changed and that he wants the forever and ever type of relationship with you but I think at this point he would need to do some serious proving of his intentions.

Do not move away with your first love since the only experience you have with him is that he is a cheater and may still be one now.

Be alone and figure out how to be strong, independent and confident on your own before you even consider being in a relationship again.

You need to give yourself a whole lot more value than you are since you seem to choose people that do not give you or the relationship with you much value at all!

Answer 3

Well, that's a very difficult situation there. I don't forgive cheating on me, as much that I like the girl, who cheats once will certainly cheat again, the most difficult is the first time. If it was me I would have ended everything when he cheated, BUT, you gave him another chance and that means something about your feelings for him, they must be really strong and deep. By the other hand, when he left, you were able to continue your life and met someone new. You have two choices: you can have a life with your first love and may be cheated again, or you can try a new life with someone new. I presume that you and your first love have never been married to anyone, so it would be a "new beginning" and who knows if he's changed... only you to find out. If you love him and feel the same from him do it, marry him, at least you tried to have the life you ever wanted with who you love.

Answer 4

At least he didn't cheat on you while your married, maybe it's out of his system now. But your not even sure if the new guy is available yet and he's in a relationship with a child!!!! ( so will he be cheating?? and your not even sure if it will work out between you's) I would suggest marrying your first Love and giving it a try, since he's the one that's offering you the life you've always wanted!!!!!New Guys are easy to find, but First Love's are something you'll Never Forget!!!!I'd marry your First Love if I were you and then if it dosen't work out at least you'll feel better that you tried!!! If the marriage doesn't work out then give this new guy a call maybe he'll be available by then. Maybe once you and your First Love are married and start fresh somewhere new, the relationship will be better then when you were just dating. P.S. You might regret it later on in life, if you don't marry your first Love!!!

Answer 5

Nobody can answer this question for you, because nobody else can feel what you are feeling for each of those men.
However, based solely on the information you gave us, I would let the new guy have a chance. It seems that after cheating many times, that the first love man took you for granted numerous times. Maybe the new guy would respect you more. Take a hard look at the new guy, is he a better person? Is he more honest, open, respectful?
Then take a hard look at your first love. Can you really say that he has changed and that he will never cheat again?
I can't help but feel that somebody who has cheated "many times" as you put it, will eventually be up to their old tricks once again, especially once they have you...ie, as in married and theirs, so to speak, and you are no longer a challenge.
It would take an incedible change in the first love's views on life to change him enough not to repeat the selfish behavior.

Answer 6

I would go with the new guy. like you said you deserve better so right on. As for your first love well cheating is where I would have kicked him to the curb in the first place and you say he cheated on you many times as well, I don't think so.

I couldn't be with man man if he cheated period, I have been with my man for 8 years and I love him with all my heart but if he ever disrespects me like that were done cold turkey, love or no dam love.

Your first love is now asking for your hand in marriage wow unreal. He must know that you are seeing someone else because he sure can't handle that. Men will say what ever it takes to win our hearts and if your with a guy that has cheated on you he will just tell you what you want to hear so if I were you I would go on with my life and leave your first love out of your life, you may have loved him but could he have loved you when he had the nerve to be with other women? I'm sure you know the answer to that.

Cheers.

Answer 7

This my opinion as to what has happened to you. You put up with your first love for 5 years because you were afraid to be alone. You didn't want to start over by dating someone else, so you accepted him "as-is".

Now, he is offering you a life you have always wanted. You are hung up on that and are not looking at the big picture. You do not love him. If you did, you wouldn't have fallen so quickly for someone else; whom you don't know well. Do NOT marry your first love, just because he can give you a life. Ask anyone who is married without love, and they will tell you that it is a painful experience. You already said you can do better, so do.

You also need to realize that you don't need to "settle" for anyone. You need to find an honest man and just see what happens. Find one who will let you know upfront what is going on with his child's mother. One who won't cheat on you. And one who won't make you question what you are doing. Be patient and believe in yourself.

Answer 8

Never ever settle. Later you would regret going with the one man because he offered what you thought you wanted at the time.

But also, be careful with the new guy -- if he's not made a complete break with his child's mother, he may not be a good option either.

The best choice of all is to concentrate on getting yourself where you need to be so that you can choose healthy relationships with men who can offer you what you truly need and deserve. Take care of yourself first, and the rest will fall into place naturally.

Good luck!

Answer 9

You should pick neither guy!!! Your "first love" cheated on you for 5 years.....hello!!!! Need I say more. The "new guy" has a child and is still unclear about the relationship between him and the mother of his child........hello, again!!!!!
Both of these guys are losers and need to be, not marked off, burnt off your list!!!!
Please, please don't be sucked into this drama. You will experience nothing but heartache if you continue with either of these guys.
The "happily ever after" thing will never happen if you continue on either road these guys have set before you. Take your life and run. Find yourself and someone who can make you truly happy. Good luck!!!!

Answer 10

Which man should you pick?

A. Your first love, who cheated on you "many times".

B. A new guy who isn't clearly available.

The correct answer is . . .

C. None of the above.

Break off all contact with both, and spend some time alone until you are happy with yourself and reach the point where you fully undertand that you don't need any other person to make you happy. Only after you have become satisfied with yourself should you then start looking for a relationship. When you do, seek only someone who is definitely available and trustworthy.

Answer 11

Why do you have such low self-esteem? NEITHER of these guys is good enough for you!
Your first love cheated on you "many times". You should run away from him as fast as you can!
Your new guy "may/may not still have a relationship"??? That means he DOES, and not with you!
If the first guy actually loved you, he would never have cheated and moved away (trust me, he moved to be with another woman and it didn't work out!), and if the second guy loved you, you would know exactly where you stand with him! Both of these men are toying around with you. Get some self-respect and tell them both to go to hell.