Can someone offer a new perspective and some advise?

Question

I LOVE my husband (person A) but I am IN LOVE with someone else (person B). Person A and I have been together for almost 6 years; there have been wonderful times and there have been awful times, but we have made it this far and I feel comfortable with him. Person B, I have known for almost 13 years. We know eachother's thoughts/feelings, if you will, at a much deeper level than Person A and I do. Person B is getting married this weekend, to someone else.
Although Person A and I love eachother, I feel like there is an uneven amount of effort being put into maintaining our relationship. I am not sure if I can be happy with Person A for the rest of my life. Person B warned me about Person A, but I though I new best, now Person B and I have been talking about this very situation that I am asking advice on. Person B says everything happens for a reason. Person A says he will always love me, but he doesn't let me tell him how I feel; that I may not be as happy as he is with us.

Answer 1

Person C is a freaking selfish idiot.

You married the guy.....and now you are trying to convince yourself, and us, that you "love" some other guy.....your not in love.....its lust.

Real easy to "love" someone you don't share all of life's bullshit with.......moron.

Answer 2

Wow......... that took a couple of readings to get all the Person's straight........

I am curious why you and Person B never got together... you've know Person B longer than you knew Person A.... so am curious why you two never became "People"...

But seriously, let's take a look at this. You're married... you made a committment to your husband. You mention that there have been good times and bad... you've pretty much described every relationship that was ever had.

I would suggest that you are feeling sort of like.... well... like an option is gone now that Person B is getting married. You are not only losing whatever relationship you have with B, but you also see that B will be having a relationship with someone else. I would wonder if you're relationship with A will get better now that B is out of the picture.

At least... I hope B is out of the picture. If you and A decide that its not worth staying married, that's one thing. But you wax on very poetically about B and how you know each other's thoughts/feelings. I am suggesting that you are inflating your attraction to B because you and A have a rough patch that you are going through.

Recommit yourself to A. You married him for a reason. Talk to him about whatever is bothering you... seek out counseling if you have to. Talk to someone at your church, if you go to one. Dedicate yourself to A like you vowed that you would... see if that doesn't help get things moving in the right direction.

And finally.......... let B go..... physically, mentally and emotionally. Let B go. B is getting married. B needs to focus on Mrs B and all the little b's that they are going to have in the future.

Good luck to you and God bless

Answer 3

I think you said it, that there is an uneven amount of effort being put into maintaining your relationship. I am not sure about person A, but I can tell you from what you have written here, you are not putting your 100% into your relationship with your husband. You have split your heart and even though you may not want to admit it, you are holding out part of yourself for this person B that is getting married this weekend. You need to leave B alone, let him get married and grow his relationship with his soon to be wife and not cause him any problems there. Then you need to re-focus on your husband and your marriage. You need to open up with your husband like you have with B and allow him to know you like you say B does. From what you say, B has a seven year advantage there, not to mention that you have allowed B to know you on this deeper level than you have your husband.

Answer 4

I'm not saying that you should get a divorce there should be a good reason for that. Such as abuse or cheating. Have you talked to person B about how you? If you have did you tell him point blank?
My personal opinion is that I think your scared that you are going to lose this meaningful friendship. You made your choice already. Person B tried to warn you let Person B live their life. I also think you may need some marriage counseling. I think the counseling could open your marriage up more to have a deeper connection. I would suggest that you go to a person who is in ministry a pastor or priest. They also have retreats to help get the spark back into your marriage. Check some of those things out.

If you need to talk some more please feel free to email me.

Answer 5

If you really love A then there should have never been a B. If you and A can work it out, you will find you can have those deep feelings as well. The grass is NOT greener on the other side at all. Plus, if you have known B 13 years you both should have not married others. If you are going to cheat emotional or physical, get out. It is not fair. Fix your life and be happy with A, if not get a divorce and let him find someone else hat he is compatiable with !

Answer 6

you may have these feelings for person b because you only talk to him as a friend w/o the stressful issues that comes up in daily life...home maintainence issues, paying bills, family issues... etc.

If the situation were reversed (married to person b) you'll be in love with person a (your husband!). You married person a when you knew person b but you chose person a for some reason, which you may have forgotten in the 6 yrs of marriage.

You spend way too much time talking to person b about your feelings when you should be talking to your own husband. don't give up so easily on him. give him a chance.

Answer 7

You are in love with Person B who is getting married to someone else this weekend.

Is Person B in love with you? If not, then you're pining after a love that can go nowhere.
You either need to knuckle down and rekindle a first love with Person A forgetting your ties to Person B
OR
end your marriage with Person A and go about life with no Person A or B.

This is really tricky because I've been in a similar situation. My husband and I were engaged but he had a good female friend (that I had never had any issues with) who came out one day and wrote to him and basically told him she was in love wth him and wanted him to know, just in case he felt the same and made the wrong choice in marrying me. She felt if she didn't say anything they might have both gone through life loving one another but neither knowing it and then regretting it at a later stage. Whilst I was really angry at the time, I understood her reasoning.

Here is a question (or two) to ask yourself: Is it worth divorcing Person A to be with Person B; and Is it worth asking Person B, so close to his wedding, if he feels the same as you do about him and for you to leave your partners to be together?

So many people would get hurt if you separated from your partners but I think it's worth the pain if you're with your soul mate.

Answer 8

Indeed, everything happens for a reason. You will end up with nothing, if not worse. For some abstract crap (feelings and happiness that you can't even describe in details), you try to justify being unfaithful.

If the second guy really wants you, why would he get married? He is hooking you in as his mistress, to help you with the feelings stuff.

The husband deserves better than you, for sure

Answer 9

You would do well to cultivate your relationship with your husband; make it deeper, stronger, and more intimate. Grow with your husband to the point where you will know each other's thoughts and feelings on the level you want. It is unfair to compare your relationship with your husband to any other relationship, except to figure out what you want to strive toward with your husband. So if you have something with a different man that you don't have with your husband, use that knowledge only to set a goal for you and your husband.

Answer 10

The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.

You and Person A need to see a counselor to work through this.

Answer 11

person b doesnt sound too great, since they seem to care about u but is still getting married. plus i think u should really try and work on what you have considering you're already married. be happy with what you have. you clearly saw something you really loved in person a, so work with it.