My ex got married about 5 years ago. I am just not marriage-minded, so I let her go. We parted amicably and remained friends. We both agreed our sex life was pretty scorching, and we have even joked about it down the years.
At a vulnerable time in her life (deaths in the family, laid off from work) she met a "nice guy" and they got married like a year later. On the surface he is a "nice guy" but she tells me that he is mentally abusive: very jealous and possessive, obsessive, and calls her a "tramp" because she expressed a lack of satisfaction with their sex life (she wanted to do something other than the same ol', same ol').
She confided in me. Then we met. The sexual tension was excessive when we met, and now she is talking about wanting to have "sex on the side" with me again, discreetly. I'm not keen on her being an adulterer, but she is in her sexual prime (35), and I know the sex would be extraordinary. Is this a bad idea? I'd like various opinions from both genders please...
2007-06-13 00:46:19 · 11 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think I should add that she wanted to marry me, and would divorce if I would marry her. I just do not want to be married...I travel a lot, leading a life that is not suitable for planting roots and going to Sunday dinner at the in-laws' house. I loved her and her family, and still do, but couldn't commit to marriage...
2007-06-13 00:47:20 · update #1
...the irony is that everything was great between us, including (and perhaps especially) the sex. Like I said, she was turning 30, wanted to "settle down" and I could not commit to that...I invited her to run off with me and live in Europe and travel with me, but she is a homebody...a lot of bloody good that way of life is doing her now! SHE is the one trying to have her cake and eat it too...And to clarify: adultery is committed solely by married persons, so I would not be am adulterer. In any case, let's leave GOD out of this discussion for now (He/She has enough to worry about besides this hot little proposed indiscretion).
2007-06-13 00:48:52 · update #2
AGAIN: I'd like to leave GOD out of this -- He/She is doing a lousy job on things much more important than this randy little affair...moreover, it is her jerk husband's "Christian values" that are making her feel unsatisfied: 35 yr old women can not live on missionary alone...
And to clarify a few things for future answers:
a) we were never married;
b) she wanted to marry me, and still does;
c) I could not care less if she goes back to her "jerk of a husband" afterwards;
d) she is HOT and I seriously doubt that her mutton-brained husband has the balls to make her feel anything but BEAUTIFUL;
e) I am not the least bit worried about any repercussions personally.
2007-06-13 00:49:34 · update #3
Dear Warrick: the strawberries were only the beginning, you amateur...
2007-06-13 00:52:54 · update #4
Dear Beth in Tokyo: Nah, her husband would be too busy scanning her cell phone call history, or some other amateur routine to find out about this -- we are both way too discreet, share no mutual friends anymore, etc...I live 250+ miles away, am basically a ghost, and she is hot game for a good toss or two...maybe it is best, though, if she just dump the jerk...I tried to tell her not to marry him back then, but it was just sour grapes in her mind (I was 'just jealous')...I could "commit" to her, but I can't "settle down"...I could be monogamous, but staying put in a small town is not for me...
I think the problem here is that she is a gutless small town girl with a lot of passion...her marriage is a piece of paper that can be torn up, but her passions must be satisfied.
2007-06-13 01:04:13 · update #5
DEAR MTNFLOWER: Yes, I have other women now and again...usual some floating, do-gooder, free-spirit gal I meet in my travels (she is a teacher, or missionary, or works for the UN, or is a journalist...take your pick), and we have some transient fling...mind you, these are HOT AFFAIRS for a week or two, but they always fizzle out when there is another plane to catch.
Yes, I love my ex, and would love to share a bed with her most nights -- BELIEVE ME I WOULD...I offered to support her 100%, pay off her student loans, and show her the world...but she wanted to "settle down"...she had too much passion to do that, I tried to reason, but it fell on deaf ears...so I'm thinking now that a good ol' toss in the hay or two might snap her to attention while she is still reasonably young...I was thinking of taking her with me to Cyprus - the "Golden Apple" - and introducing her to the warm night sands...maybe that will bang some sense into her...but who knows? I can't figure you women out.
2007-06-13 01:12:32 · update #6
Since you are telling off God and all the previous answerers, I doubt you'll find MY answer satisfying either.
Suffice it to say that she should stick to her decision and her husband. If the guy isn't very good in bed, his christianity cannot very well be blamed for it (unless of course he did not get enough sexual experience because of his dedication to the Lord).
It is her duty to coach him sexually. SHE should teach him to be a better lover. Criticizing him both to his face and to you will not help the situation. Having sex with you on the side is merely a bandaid solution to a much bigger problem. The fact remains that she needs to put effort into the marriage.
But the two of you do not seem to be compatible either.
(a) She's a homebody. You are a free spirit.
(b) You are a confirmed bachelor. She wants a husband, kids and a picket fence.
(c) It seems as if the only thing holding you together is the fact that she is gorgeous and you two have mindblowing sex.
In all this, I am sorry for her poor husband. He was wrong to have married her. She USED him because she needed to get married in a hurry. Now she is using YOU because she doesn't feel sexually fulfilled. She seems to be narcissistic, self-centered, and selfish. But I could very well be wrong about that. I truly hope I am.
2007-06-13 02:49:36 · answer #1 · answered by LovablyMe 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don`t care what the excuse is, adultry is never a good idea and having sex with a married person puts you in an adultrous relationship, pure and simple. If she doesn`t like the guy (sex included) she had better get a divorce, or she had better be prepared for some hefty consequences. Judging by the fact he is possesive, obsessing and questions her bedroom behavior, she isn`t going to be able to get away with an affair very easily. Eventually her husband is going to find out what is going on and the you know what is going to hit the fan in no time!!!
2007-06-13 00:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by Smiley 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is not a good idea. You would just be stringing her along. It sounds like she cares for you alot and having sex with her would just make her life that much more complicated. Let her work things out with her husband. If it was a mistake for her to be with him she needs to come to that conclusion on her own with out you in there to muddle things up. I think if you decide to have sex with her when you have no intention of any thing further with her would just be using her, and that really isn't what you want to do is it? You say you care for her, that she is beautiful, however you don't want the attachment. If that is the case the kindest thing for you to do would be to leave her be. You will be hurting her more otherwise because she will always feel like there is the hope for the two of you to work out if you begin to have sex with her....no matter how much you tell her otherwise...she will always hope you will change your mind.
2007-06-13 00:53:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate excuses- you should've married this girl. WHY didn't you? You need to stay away, she needs to get a divorce or decide if she really loves this guy. Don't complicate the situation. It will only make things worse, and you both will only get used and hurt. You both deserve better.
She may be using all this (my husband is so mean) to manipulate you. She's confused and doesn't want to be alone. Are you sleeping with other women? Does she know? Will she continue to sleep with him? Is that ok with both of you?
The sex may be great, but that's just a moment. Is it really worth it? Only you can decide.
2007-06-13 00:58:22 · answer #4 · answered by azure 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. Is sex that important to you that you could possibly cause her harm? Did you ever stop to think that she might love you, and having sex with her will only lead her on. Also, if this husband is as big a jerk as you say, if he finds out he might hurt her in some way that is not mental. Find another gal to rock your boat and let her sail on.
2007-06-13 00:53:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you would be an accessory to adultery. But who cares, I am back with my ex but before we got back together we had hot kinky sex at least twice a week, i even took a picture of us having sex and sent it to her boyfriend when she came back to me. I'm just like that.
2007-06-13 00:53:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to forget about her and stay out of her life . If you wanted to be in her life you should have commited to her . Move on and tell her to do the same . she has made a mess of her life and now she wants you to become entangled in that too . tell her to forget you and move on . good luck .
2007-06-13 00:53:02 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for me sex is sacred by doing such act it means you want the person and you'll be with her for the rest of her life, since your intention is for sexual pleasure it would be unfair on both your side and much unfair to her coz she would give up everything just to marry you, anyways if you feel that you cant be with her and if you respect her and her family and if you cant protect her for what ever cercumstance then dont do it...for me sex is not just sex its part of me i will give to the person who i will spend and share my whole life with..
2007-06-13 00:53:42 · answer #8 · answered by lynne c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in case you in basic terms prefer intercourse...save him around. in case you experience you will prefer greater from him than that unload him and admire your self for it. Your movements could verify your actual desires. there is not any longer something incorrect with a intercourse based "relationship"
2016-10-09 02:51:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I had sex with your ex. She's very good. I like the thing she does with the strawberries......nice
2007-06-13 00:50:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋