I went to rehab 1 year ago and have been sober 1 year. My husband and I are currently seperated and I am thinking about going home. I asked him not to have alcohol in the house. He asked me if I was that weak. I told him that it was the point that I thought he should support me. His answer was that the refrigerator in the garage was his and he would keep beer if he wanted. I need some guidance. I don't know what to do- move back or go through with the divorce.
2007-06-13 00:05:21 · 26 answers · asked by sw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Two points that I see here. One is you can not expect the world to change because you have a problem. You have to be able to take "one day at a time" and be able to avoid the temptation. Second is according to your question, the beer will be in the garage. It is not like you are going to be looking at it every day.
I am sure that your husband went through a lot while you were drinking. You now want him to adapt to your new found sobriety. This may be his way of seeing if you are really serious about staying sober! If you do not trust yourself enough, you need to get more support (AA meetings or whatever works for you)
Beer in a garage is no different than beer in a store where you are shopping. Are you going to avoid any restaurant where they serve alcohol? Never go to a social gathering where alcohol is served? You have to be the one in control of your own life, and be strong enough to avoid temptations!
Perhaps you should not move back yet, and put the divorce on hold also. See if you can get healthy enough where you can live a normal life without having to force him to change.
Good Luck
2007-06-13 01:51:54 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its not a case in being wk.. you just are afraid of the temptation being there. that jerk will never understand what you have went thru each and every day of your sobriety. i am sure you take it "one day at a time" being a addict i understand exactly what you are going thru.. as for me i keep a 6 pack of my favorite beer in fridge. may sound crazy but its there so every time i open the fridge i am reminded what kind of f'ed up life i was leading.. ppl that come over are not aloud to touch it.. maybe have him keep it in the garage or something and go from there. is he a alcoholic too? If you remember correctly in rehad they tell you that you have to give up all ur old friends (the ppl you partied with) and get ones that don't. If you feel threatened cause there will be beer in house you need to stay away.. good luck and from my own experience YOU CAN MAKE IT A LIFETIME HUN congrats on the yr sobriety and when you have a temptation call someone who you honestly know who cares
2007-06-13 07:16:56 · answer #2 · answered by glenn h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should definitely support you. Drinking alcohol around you is not going to be helpful. If he wants a drink he can go to the bar with his buddies. If he refuses to remove the beer from the house, then you should find another place to stay IF it's his house. If the house belongs to both of you, then you have a perfect right to request that the beer is removed. Or you could buy him a mini fridge for his beer and put a padlock on it lol. Congratulations for being sober for so long, and good luck.
2007-06-13 07:10:04 · answer #3 · answered by ~*Raine*~ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i have gone through addiction, mine was drugs ive gone to prison because of my addiction, and after i got out i still used and went back to prison ive been there three times and it isnt very fun. Right now i am 7 months clean because i had enough of the crap, i dont know how severe your problem was, or how much you love your husband, and i really cant tell you what to do, but when it comes to staying sober and living a normal life i will not let anyone get in my way, life is way to valuble to go down any wrong roads. People would tell me the same thing when i would ask them not to have any thing around me (your that weak?) yes i was. They didnt care about me and i just had to take a look at that and tell myself that i am the most important person, and if people dont like it get the f**k out of my way, or ill knock you out . remember you are the most important person and if you think anything or anyone will stand in your way of sobriety, then you need to ask yourself why do i need him anyways.
2007-06-13 08:07:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fighting an addiction is no easy task in anyone's language. You need support to say sober, and that includes hubby not keeping beer in the house till you feel you are strong enough to be able to deal with it.
Personally, I think that's extremely selfish for him to keep beer in in the fridge - it's like dangling a lolly in front of a kid and not allowing him to have it.
Congratulations on becoming sober, by the way, keep up the good work.
Kind regards, Penny xxx
2007-06-13 07:15:23 · answer #5 · answered by Vanessa 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yay! One year! Congrats!
It sounds like your husband doesn't get it! Did he also plan to drink it in front of you??
He isn't supporting you! Talk to him some more, remind him you are not weak, that you have gone a year without drinking! That is HUGE! If he loves you and supports you, he will understand the importance of not having alcohol in the house. He can go to his buddy's house for a beer. Or...he will have to live without you.
2007-06-13 07:34:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
your husband sounds like a selfish pig. If he truly cared about you, he would throw away any temptation and support you. If the shoe was on the other foot, im sure you would rid the house of all alcohol. Well done for staying sober. Leave him and continue with your new lease oflife. You deserve it.
2007-06-13 07:38:20 · answer #7 · answered by twilightclara 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What a jerk! I am in a similar situation and I would never do that to my husband! As a matter of fact, I don't drink at all anymore just to support him fully. And yes, I miss having that glass of wine with dinner and stuff but to me I would rather do everything i can to be supportive of him than add to his temptation! Tell him to get rid of the beer in the house, whats more important to him!!!! Ugggh!
2007-06-13 08:18:11 · answer #8 · answered by londa627 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You cannot make a decision to either go back to your husband, or get a divorce BECAUSE OF BEER!!!!!!
You have to both be certain that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. You have to NEED each other and able to say you could never be without each other. Marriage is a commitment till death do you part.
Never mind the stupid beer. Beer should in no way be making that decision. You obviously don't know what marriage is and maybe because of that, you should get a divorce.
2007-06-13 07:17:41 · answer #9 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
In my opinion, not knowing him... go thru with it!!!
Cause all I need to hear to advise that is that he refuses to support you! You deserve better. You must see this for what it is: a big turning point in your life... find another way and start all over : also, when someone sees you in a certain way its hard for them to support your change. You need new people and new friends and lovers who YOU can start fresh with. The less people around you thinking about your problems, the faster you can leave them behind! Your health and happiness is not on the top of his "list" so it is obvious it is not love anymore.
good luck. be strong!
2007-06-13 07:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by omni4tress 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋