family - fair or not, jealousy or not?

Question

I have a brother who is a few years younger than me. We are both in good jobs etc. My mother treats the two of us soo different. Over the years certain things puzzled me - when my wife and i went to parents to stay, i had to lye on floor and wife on bed, whereas brother and GF shares a bed. Also, when i got my first job, my mother insisted that i paid digs of £30 per week, and now my brother and girlfriend are living rent free? My wife and I have been married for 2 and half years and have seen each other 5 years. My mother has only spoken to the wife about 5 times, including the wedding. And within the last year she has only phoned the house 3 times. However i am always the one that phones them. I think if i never contacted them, they wouldnt bother at all. There is a baby on way and i thought my mum would change, she hasnt shown much interest really. Is this just me being the older brother and jealous? or should be mum be more of a parent equally? Should i move on and let her chase?

Answer 1

OMG I was in the same situation except I have an older sister. I confronted my mom about it she told me that she "doesn't treat my sister and I any differently." Since then I have basically started treating her like a not so close relative. It sucks hopefully yours turns out better than mine. Good luck!

Answer 2

She probably just does not like your wife and gets along well with your brother's girlfriend. You can talk to her about it. You will need to approach this conversation as a rational adult otherwise you could find it deteriorating into a whining child-like rant. Be careful with this. It is critical. But if the response is not positive perhaps you just need to accept that the relationship is not what it should be and do the best you can for your family and new baby. The visits to Grandma's might not be as often as you would like and you might just be in charge of any relationship that their might be. It is sad but true. Some Mothers just can't divide their affections equally.

This could be a good life lesson for you and your wife. Treating siblings in such an unequal fashion really hurts them deeply.

Answer 3

I think that you are really a little bit to old to be jealous. There is a possibility that your mom does not like your wife. Of course, she would never tell you, but not everyone is automatically accepted just because they are married into the family. The gf might be friendlier, and she may get along much better with your mother. They may be contributing to the household in other ways. Parents don't tell their children everything.

Quit worrying about foolish things that you can do nothing about. Just be the son that you are, and let it go. Life is way too short for all of that BS.

I have a daughter that loves me to death. She speaks to her daddy more often, and actually sees him more often. She will tell you in a minute that she loves me just as much, but she knows that I am much more independent than her father. I don't sit around counting the differences, I just enjoy the relationship that I have with her.

Answer 4

That's so lame, it's like that with my family just with my cousins. You should question her on what's the deal. It won't be fair for the kid, when they ask "Does Grandma love me?" If she has no good reason, just leave it alone, if she doesn't care to see you, then just drop it. What are you gonna do... most mom's don't want to change.

Answer 5

be a man and just ask her,WHY?,u have a bub on the way so u need to resolve the issue so u can move on,What about your bro does he think theres a difference,goodluck with your wife and bub they are the important ones.

Answer 6

move on
it's clear that you are being treated MUCH differently and your mom needs to apologize, expalin why and promise not to do it anymore before you come back