I am the twin sister which has a twin brother. We have been close despite many things have happened in our lives that did distant us for awhile. He and I both married in same year, but his marriage failed. Horrible marriage...he found out the kids he was raising was not his. Anyways, I found a great girl for him thru a mutual friend. They engaged 1 1/2 ys later. This is her 1st marriage. I did not stand up in his 1st wedding due to I disliked his future wife(she forged my name on various checks, she stole things when my parents died..bad lady) well now my twin is getting married to new girl....and she has not asked me to be in wedding. He asked me when we went out to eat and she kicked him under table..she does not know I seen this! So, I could tell (obvious) she was not intending on asking. I am hurt since we USED to be close until she started controlling him. She has to be everywhere with him..he can never come to my house without her...etc...but a sister is a sister..we are twins!
2007-06-12 18:43:32 · 14 answers · asked by Twin~29 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thats a tough situation to be in. The bride chooses her bridal party, she made have alreay asked other people to be bridesmaids. Have you spoken privatey with her about your feelings? Maybe a girls lunch out togther, just the two of you would give you a chance to say to her what you typed here, I mean you are his sister, certainly not a threat of anykind. I would take the "high road" on this one, and be sincere and honest with his future wife. Good luck
2007-06-12 18:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by Lynny K 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well I think most twins are close in a way that others dont really get. So she may not understand why you two are so close, and so she is acting strangely.
On the other hand, you are both grown adults now, and despite that you are twins, you each have your own lives. So if he doesnt include you in the wedding, it is his choice and you must understand and respect that. This is really an issue between him and his fiancee, and not about you. Hopefully they will be able to work out the control issues, otherwise their marriage is doomed. I think you should just take the high road- attend the wedding, wishing them the best.
2007-06-12 19:25:03 · answer #2 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, when my brothers got married, I didn't ask if I could be in the wedding party because I figured that that was the bride's right to ask. It is important for you to realize that this is not your wedding and your special day; it's your brothers and your sister-in-law. Your new sister-in-law probably has very close friends and family who have known her for many years. It would be rude for any bride to slight a long-term family member or friend for someone else she hardly knows. I can already sense in your question that you have an attitude already about your future sister-in-law coming over to your home. Don't you think she senses how you feel about her?
Would you rather that she hate to even come over to your house? I would advise you to try and show some sort of happiness and respect for your brother and his decision to get married. Try to enjoy the day.
2007-06-13 01:56:50 · answer #3 · answered by Sondra 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to both of them and explain that you would like to be involved in the wedding. Keep in mind, she probably has her own idea of what her wedding will be like and who she wants in it. She's probably known her whole life. There's no reason why you couldn't stand up for your brother even, as times have changed dramatically and it would not seem too crazy. There are a lot of other ways you can help besides being in the wedding. I can understand why you are hurt, but reacting in a way that could be hurtful to your brother is selfish. Keep that in mind.
2007-06-13 01:50:46 · answer #4 · answered by Des 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bride is NOT obligated to choose the groom's family/friends for her side of the bridal party. The bride chooses her bridesmaids and Matron/Maid of Honor from her best friends and family members. The groom chooses his groomsmen. It would be wrong for your brother to push his bride to be to have you in her bridal party if she does not want to have you there.
I understand your frustration, but please let this issue go. You will only cause resentment between your brother and his new bride if you start pushing your brother to include you.
Please do not add stress to their wedding day. This day is devoted to your brother and his new bride to be. It is not about his other relationships nearly as much as it is about his marriage. It does not change your place in his world.
The tactful and polite way to handle this is to volunteer to help the bride with her wedding planning in any way she needs. Do not mention bridesmaid or any specific role...just offer your help and tell them you would love to help make their wedding day special.
This will show that you are being gracious and trying to help, and if your brother was feeling pressured and frustrated about you not being part of the wedding, he will be relieved to know you are not offended. I'm sure that would be a big weight off of his shoulders, knowing his closest sibling approves and is there for him.
2007-06-13 01:07:50 · answer #5 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she is jealous of the connection you get from being a twin. i don't think she ever wanted you in the bridal party but that doesn't mean that you can't be a part of it. Myabe you can do a special reading or something and still be part of it. your brother needs to speak up and say something about how he wants you to be in and stand up for him. I think it's the proper thing to do, to ask your fiance's siblings to be in the wedding. It shows goodwill towards your future inlaws.
2007-06-12 20:50:28 · answer #6 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She does not HAVE to ask anyone to be in the wedding party.
Sure, it would be NICE if you were asked to be in the wedding party, but to me it sounds as though you don't really like her either with your "she started controlling him" remark.
So don't be hurt, enjoy sitting down during the ceremony and reception, and support your brother.
2007-06-13 02:30:27 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's mandatory that he ask you to be in the wedding party. I'm not in my brother's wedding. But, if he wants you to be in the party, why can't you stand on his side? My brother is having his two best female friends stand up on his side (he'll have two guys and two girls as "groom's men"). It solves the issue!
2007-06-13 02:01:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would try not to feel too bad about it. Since the bride chooses the bridal party, she might have already had all the people she wanted to be bridesmaids picked out. Since it sounds like you and her arent too close, she probally just didnt think that you would want to. Now, if your brother wanted to, he could have you as a groomsmaid. You should ask him about it.
2007-06-13 01:07:23 · answer #9 · answered by jenn_sr03 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand where you are coming from but think that you need to just step back and let them make their own wedding plans without you interfering. It is her wedding and if she doesn't want you to stand for her then you can't force her.
2007-06-12 23:47:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋