So this past weekend by gf got drunk, and had sex with some guy at a party. We have been dating for 10 months. She says she blacked out and can't remember anything, but thinks that she was taken advantage of by the guy. She has always gone to parties and gotten drunk, but this is the first time she has cheated on me. After she told me, she promised me she would quit drinking to prevent to possibility of this happening again. What should I do? Do i stay with her or break up with her?
2007-06-12 18:37:06 · 45 answers · asked by bosox722 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Depends on how much you love her and whether she is trusthworthy. If you love her very much but she gets drunk again you can consider breaking up but for now just have a heart to heart with her and pray that god changes her into a better person. If you feel you can' t go on going out with her then you might have to break up with her. But a heart to heart talk is very important.
Good luck
2007-06-12 18:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
How much do you love her, that is the question?
If you care about this situation alot, alot, then maybe you should give her the second chance. Can you forget? Can you ever forgive, if you can never forget? Maybe she will change, maybe she can change for you.
If you don't like her so much, then kick her to the curb. If she drinks that much, then she probably isn't worthy of your time anyway? Is she an alcoholic? They can't just quit drinking over night.
This is really something you need to answer on your own. Just ask yourself how much really means to you, are you willing to forgive, and can you trust her again?
Drinking is a major problem, and can be a major character flaw if it is a real issue.
PS. I would leave her, there are much better girls out there with eyes only for you. However, maybe you should act like Mr. Holmes and play detective. Something is fishy about this story. If she really did black out and got taken advantage of then I say second chance? But if she knew what she was doing, then she had to have known it was wrong, in that case can her buddy! But I have never been drunk so I do not know how impaired peoples thinking becomes, but I do know so many people are able to keep their pants ON.
2007-06-12 18:46:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, this all really depends on whether she consented to the sex, if not then effectively it would have been rape. If she consented then she has cheated on you, if you really love her then perhaps you should try and see how it goes for a few weeks/months without her drinking, or perhaps you could go to the parties with her or both. Let her know that you want to think about what has happened and that you need some time to decide what you want. It sounds like she really did make a mistake as if she had wanted to and set out to cheat on you she would never have told you about it. Tell her if you still have feelings for her but make it clear that you think the trust has gone. In the end of the day you need to see how you feel about the fact she cheated on you, if you feel that you can (eventually) get past it and still have a relationship with her then go for it, if not then perhaps you should leave her. What you really need is a bit of time and possibly space to think about how you really feel about this.
Hope this helps.
2007-06-12 18:45:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you believe her?
It is possible that she passed out from drinking too much, or from a dose of drugs and that someone took advantage of her. In which case, she didn't cheat on you, she was raped, and you should be angry and defending her (or something like that). Someone said earlier that she would have filed charges if she was raped. That's not necessarily true. Although she has admitted it to you, she may not want the rest of the world to know. Many rape victims never report their rape.
If you think she's lying, then you need to break up with her. The basis of any good relationship is trust. Where there is no trust, there is no relationship.
2007-06-12 18:48:15 · answer #4 · answered by rowena utopia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1, if she thinks she was "taken advantage of" as far as being drugged... I would have her contact her parents (if she is under 18), and contact the police. If not, she can contact the rape crisis hotline 1-800-656-hope.
#2, if you really beleive that she was "taken advantage of" as mentioned above, then it sounds like it really wasn't her fault. If she blacked out from drinking too much... and was blacked out when the sex happened... she was taken advantage of.
#3 If she had sex just because she was too drunk... she was cheating. If you can get passed the fact that she let herself get so drunk that she didn't listen to her better judgement. Stay with her. If you will always resent her for cheating... it's not worth it because you will always have that at the back of your mind.
2007-06-12 18:44:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's having blackouts and can't attend a party without getting drunk, she has an alcohol problem. The question is do you want to hook your star to an alcoholic? She may or may not be sincere in her promise to quit drinking, but it's going to take much more than a promise. She needs professional help. If she's not willing to get it, I would RUN in the other direction. Otherwise, buckle your seatbelt because the ride is just beginning ...
2007-06-12 18:43:15 · answer #6 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her. Give her one chance.
Black outs have not been proven, so it is possible she could have seriously not remembered a thing. Just , have her go with the non drinking thing. Or just go to the party's with her and get drunk with her and you can have wild drunk sex with your girlfriend.
AND don't listen to the people above me. You have been going out with this girl for 10 months. Give her a chance. If this is the first time this has happened and she goes to party's all the time, then believe her.
But I seriously suggest going to the part's with her. Or know some people that go to those part's.
Just keep your cool. Life is a board game, roll with it. Gotta have your ups and downs, there challenges set by a certain some one to see if your capable of handling them.
I fell you man, lol not in a gay way. I have respect in what your doing, you kept calm to ask what to do. Good Job.
2007-06-12 18:41:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
when you drink, you should know your limits. the only credit she deserves is for being honest with you and telling you. now, i'm all for a good time, but it's unacceptable to get so drunk that you black out [regardless if you have someone by your side for one month or ten]. only you know how strong your feelings are for her and whether you want to remain at her side. not to burst your bubble or anything, but you don't know what went on at those other parties do you? i'm sure there was harmless flirting but do you know if it went past that?
there are plenty of chicks out there that know how to treat a man, especially when they're in a 10 month relationship. good luck buddy and make sure you think about what will make you happy.
2007-06-12 18:45:51 · answer #8 · answered by sexii_sanchez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG this totally happen to my friend, didn't break up with her because he loved her. You can't base you relationship on what other people tell you it is all about your feelings. If you feel she could change her behavior and you have some feelings for her then stay. Also your girlfriend may have been slipped something, considering she blacked out, you should tell her to go get check to see if she was raped. You can't blame her if she was raped, if she wishes to change and seems like she has deep feelings for you, you should take that in to consideration before you make your decision. 10 months is a long time, talk about, think about it
go with your heart
2007-06-12 18:44:35 · answer #9 · answered by ineedjeans 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A girl that drinks to the point of blacking out at a party doesnt seem like girlfriend material. Id keep hitting it and not take her seriously anymore. If you dont have a problem getting sex than just dump her. Guys cant let themselves get walked over by women. We should have a no tolerance rule, you cheat ,your out !
2007-06-12 18:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by nanizm 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
is this the only girl left in your town? did she just come out and tell you she cheated? if someone took advantage of her she wouldn't say "i cheated". if you found out from another source, chances are this isn't the first time she's cheated.
you've only been dating for 10 months. put her on the back burner to simmer on a low flame and find another chick to play with. life is short, man. don't waste it getting stuck on a chick that isn't worth the change in your front pocket.
be an alpha dog!! good luck!
2007-06-12 18:44:18 · answer #11 · answered by juanLee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋