is love a choice?

Question

first of all, we must examine whether love is an emotion, or chemicals, or a decision. once this is established, the question is : is it a choice that you can make? and if you can allegedly "force" yourself to love someone that you deem unworthy of your love, can you in fact, choose to not love someone? i believe that it goes that every action must have an equal and opposite reaction, so, if you can choose to love someone then you can choose not to love someone. there really is no question about it , if this is not an option, although i find it hard to believe that one could say... my mother loves me, and takes care of me, but i am going to decide not to love her back, just because. so, is it choice? or is it involuntary?

i understand the points being made... but i mean about the choice to love and not as this : can you say... this man , who i do not know, who has say... a drug problem, and breaks into houses... do you say to yourself, i love him? i will take care of him because i feel like it? even if you do not know them?

and could you say... my mother, loves me, cares for me, calls me everyday , and i love her... but for no reason, but to make a conscious decision... i am going to stop loving her, because i want to see if i can.

Answer 1

Love is condition to many many factors. I believe that it comes truly from within, and these impulses can not be helped. But they can be ignored. People often let their better judgment be their decisions, because whether they want to love someone or not, some people are just to reckless to be stable. And most people need stability. So if they dont get it from one, they will go else where. You can learn to love someone. But it is very hard to do. You have to overlook a lot of thing that bother you, but it can be done. As for love being an emotional thing I believe yes it is. And this is where so many people fail in their relationships. they let uncontrolled , over analyzed emotions take over in their minds. Often never really understanding the emotions they still act on them. This can bring jealousy, rage... domestic violence... and more...

Answer 2

First of all, I don't think that we need to classify "love" being only one of the three options you gave us. Love of course is an emotion, seeing as how the original conception of the thought of love stems from a feeling. I think they are all connected. We feel, are brains produce chemicals based on our experience from that feeling, then the choice is made whether to love or not. We as society have these preconceived notions that you HAVE to love your family, or that you can make yourself love somebody when the feeling is not there. These are not true. You can pretend on the surface but deep down the fact of the matter remains the same. Love is not a choice or an action. Love is a feeling based on experiences and emotions. Which makes it involuntary

Answer 3

I believe we can choose whether to love or not, regardless of whether we are loved or are not in the first place. In my own life, I have loved someone who did not love me in return. After much reflection, I came to understand that she chose not to, in spite of all my best efforts. Other possibilities simply did not add up, and this was confirmed by those who had watched the whole relationship evolve. Whether I choose to or not, I still love her, likely always will. My choice is how to deal with it, which is to remember it for all that it was and not dwell on all that it could have been. The key difference was that I fell in love unexpectedly, and she deliberated before making her choice. Its been seven years since then and sometimes I wonder how things worked out for her. Choice or not, this I have come to understand - it really is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all.

Answer 4

It is absolutely a choice. Love is purely an invention of society. Your example of parents is perfect. Children disown their parents all the time and vice versa whether the feelings are warranted or not.

In some cultures you don't get to choose your mate but those couples end up loving each other just the same because they learn to love, they teach themselves to love each other for the sake of their families. In America we're quick to "say" we love our families and lovers but why, then, is the divorce rate so high? Why do families have so many quarrels?

Our 'love' is often just hot air. Go see the movie "The Namesake" it offers an interesting perspective on arranged marriage and how to learn to love a stranger.

Answer 5

Love transcends the rational, it happens based upon a number of factors, many of which operate at levels more fundamental than our own cognitive processes.

We certainly choose our actions, but we don't choose the emotions that our experiences (and other individuals) cause us to feel. So the act of loving is a choice, but the feeling of love itself, is not. Either we feel it or we don't.

Answer 6

It is up to the person to empower love--should one allow it to take control and rule ? Or, should one select someone and choose to love that someone? Or, is love a decision that one must firmly keep? It is the wise person who will balance heart and head and make a firm decision.

Answer 7

Loving is always a choice.

Just because a woman and man have a child does not automatically mean they will love the child.

A baby comes into the world on pure instinct and LEARNS to love (or not), based on his/her environment.

We humans make choices based on pheromones, anger, greed, hate...etc.

Love is a choice we make that often times we have no conscious awareness of and yet it is a choice.

Answer 8

I'd be more interested in hearing your ideas/questions on what makes one loveworthy and unloveworthy.

To consider anyone unworthy is to make a judgment that leads to many unpleasant emotions.

Answer 9

Love is emotion, chemistry, decision, everything: love is all that is there in life all the time within you, all the time with you: it is not a choice merely, it is You! You begin to realise it, know it, that is the beginning of wisdom, happiness: that would be a wonderful beginning!

Answer 10

i believe "real love" is nurtchured and grown, it is the seed of lust , that once the decision is made to accept and take the time to communicate and compromise then love grows beyond the attraction of lust :) It becomes something meaningful and real.....