My aunt Laura called me tonight to let me know that her and her husband are renewing there vows in celebration of their 25th wedding anniversary. The problem is that she asked me for my father's address. My parents have been divorced for about 5 years (after 26 years of marriage). My mom is still bitter towards my dad and refuses to attend anything (even my daughters bday party) if he is there. I know that my aunt hasn't talked to him or had any communication with my father over the last 5 years. I also got the impression that she does not intend to tell my mom that she has invited him. To me it is inappropriate for her to invite my father, but it is not my place to tell her who she can or can't invite. She also knows that my mother will likely explode and cause a huge scene if he is there and that it will become a huge family arguement. I don't know what I should do. I don't think I should ask my dad not to attend. Should I warn my mom or act like I don't know anything if he shows up.
2007-06-12 16:16:15 · 9 answers · asked by Carrie T 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
My mom will know that for him to have been invited that I gave my aunt his address, so there really is know way for me just to play dumb. And she is really going to be pissed at me because I know she is going to say that I should have told her.
2007-06-12 16:17:44 · update #1
Give your Aunt the address and tell her what is going on, that way she can make the intelligent choice, not you.
2007-06-12 16:31:40 · answer #1 · answered by Marcus R. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is your Aunt and Uncles day. Not your mom and dad's. If your Aunt wants to invite your dad, it is her party, she can invite who she wants. It's possible your dad made a big impression at their first wedding. Give her the address, but other than that stay neutral. Don't ask him yourself. He may or may not come. Don't tell your mom anything, that again is your Aunt's move. Feel free to give your Aunt any information on your parents relationship, but not opinions.
As for your mom, it's been 5 years! Get over it already. She too might be able to get a bit beyond it in a different sort of setting. But refusing to go to her grand daughters birthday is very very cheap! She should have sucked it up, because a child doesn't understand these things. Maybe your Aunt does, and wants it rectified.
2007-06-12 16:32:50 · answer #2 · answered by JuanB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm assuming this is a relative on your mother's side? It sounds like your aunt knows the situation with your parents and what your mother's reaction will be if he is there. I would tell her that you don't feel comfortable being the one to give her your dad's contact information. If she really wants to invite him, I'm sure she can find a way to get in touch with him without your help.
I would definitely warn your mother that your aunt is thinking of inviting your dad. If you know ahead of time that he definitely will or won't be there, you can give her a heads-up. It should be her decision whether or not to be at an event with your dad if she feels that way toward him.
I feel for you being caught in the middle of the situation. I hope everything works out well.
2007-06-12 16:58:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give your aunt the address. You don't have to call up your mom and say "I gave Aunt ___ Dad's address," but fess up if she asks. I'm sure your parents are decent adults. They should at least act like it for your aunt and uncle's wedding anniversary. If they can't and your mom makes a scene and gets mad at you, pull her aside and remind her that it's not her day and that just because they got a divorce 5 years ago it does not mean she should ruin somebody else's special day. In other words, tell her to grow up.
2007-06-12 16:58:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are this aunt and uncle related to your mother or your father? If they're related to your father, I think it's only appropriate that they have your dad's address. Of course, if you give them the address, you have to tell your mom that you did so, and you should tell your aunt that you're going to tell her. It's possible and understandable that if your dad is a blood relative of this aunt or uncle, that they would prefer to have your dad there rather than your mom. Your mom can make the choice about whether or not to attend the celebration.
If the aunt and uncle are related to your mother, then it's her job to deal with this aunt and uncle on this issue. You should stay out of it.
2007-06-12 16:27:49 · answer #5 · answered by Marcella S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did Aunt Laura and Dad get along particularly well ? Was he a part of their wedding party 25 years ago? Maybe these are some of the reasons Aunt Laura wants him there.
Give her his phone number and let her get the information from him, herself. This will keep YOU out of it.
If your mother chooses to act childish, then let her be responsible for her own behavior.... NOT YOU!
I don't know if anyone has told you this but children are never, never, ever responsible for their parents divorce. Divorce is caused by adults making bad decisions.
You are as much a part of your father, as you are your mother.
Sweetheart, guard your heart don't let their issues disrupt your happiness.
(((((((( Big Hug))))))))
2007-06-12 16:34:39 · answer #6 · answered by Cheech 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her the address, and don't say anything to anyone. it's your aunts wedding and if your mom can't be civil for a few hours then thats going to be her problem.
i have been threw this situation before and it gets to a point where e1 is just going to have to move on with their lives. if your mom wants to make a scene then let her, they are adults and if they choose to act that way then there is no way you can stop it.
you dad is as much apart of the family as you and your daughter are, so if your aunt wants to invite him give her the address.
2007-06-12 16:29:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is childish and out of line. No one in your family should encourage the way she is acting. You are all enabling her to be a "monster". She is cheating your kids of one grandparent, and creating fear within the rest of the family.
Give your father's address to your aunt to do with as she pleases. Warn your mother that you have done so. Let your mother fuss and fume, and hang up the phone. If you love your father, I would invite him first HALF of the time to family things, tell your mother he has been invited
Next time invite her. Your mother is out of control.
2007-06-12 21:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly the best thing to do would be to tell her. It might not seem like any of your business but still she has the right to know if she really doesnt like being around your dad. Your aunt should have been more considerate
2007-06-12 16:24:39 · answer #9 · answered by azn_butterfly2124 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋