How would you deal with a family member who has terminal cancer?

Question

I am 21 years old. My mother wants to die at home and I am going crazy!

She is my only family member left. My other family members either don't care or are not alive. I just think that finding her dead is going to send me back to a point in my life that I do not want to remember or relive

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about your mom. I dealt with my mom's brain cancer, by being with her as much as possible, surrounding her with pictures of the family, taking flowers and tending to her needs. She had to be put into the hospital to live out the rest of her days. She could understand the things we were saying, but could only respond with her eyes. I wish my mother could have lived her last days at home. The hospital was soooo cold. If I were in your shoes, I would let my mother be at home where she is the most comfortable, unless she needs 24/7 round the clock care. After all, she has done so much for you and letting her live out her last wishes is really important to her and I believe you will be glad you did make that small sacrifice, in the long run.

Answer 2

Wow, sorry to hear that. I went through that with both my parents in the last two years, but I'm alot older than you. Hospice is a wonderful source, as someone else mentioned, also if you have a visiting nurse association locally, they can be a God-send to help with things; also your pastor & church family, if that applies. You don't mention if you have other family members to share the load, I'm hoping & assuming you do. Share things with each other, feelings & thoughts, it helps to talk about it. There are so many extenuating factors you do not mention, like finances. If you can afford to keep her at home, by all means do it. If you cannot handle the situation, I'm sure your mom would understand (I'm an older mom & I know I would want things to be easiest for my kids) if another facility is necessary, sometimes it can provide the care untrained persons cannot do in the home. Just be there for her no matter what or where, you will not regret it later on.

Answer 3

First, you have my sympathy and prayers...this is and will be a very difficult time for you and your family. I am very fortunate to not had a family member in such a situation, but I have had acquaintances who have.

I understand that your local hospice can provide you with innumerable resources from support with direct care, respite care, education and support groups. Hospice is an organization that helps families and patients faced with a terminal illness and wish to remain at home. I would urge you to contact the hospice organization in your area. The National Hospice Organization: http://www.nhpco.org/templates/1/homepage.cfm or the state hospice directory: http://www.hospicedirectory.org/ are good places to start. Your mom's oncology department should also have information about hospice and other support resources.

I am sorry you have to deal with this challenge and I do wish the best for you and your family.

Answer 4

I just went through this with my grandfather. Hospice is a great help. They help the family cope and help the cancer patient stay at home to live out the rest of their days and to die peacefully. I found it easier to let go of my grandpa. I knew when the end was near and I also knew that he was ready to go. I felt a sense a of peace knowing that my grandpa was ready to meet his maker and to be reunited with my grandmother.

It is never easy letting go of someone you love, and it certainly is not easy being the one to care for them until they go, however I think you will learn a lot about yourself and your mother. I also think you will find strength when you most need it. It is a selfless act to honor your mothers wishes to die at home but the sacrifice is small considering all she gave you in the years you had together. Contact your local hospice and they will help you. They are wonderful caregivers and have a world of support and knowledge.

I wish you well and know that no one will think any less of you if you can not do this.

Answer 5

If that is what she wants, honor her. It is her wish. Ask if she wants some outside help through local hospice to see her through. Be there for her and accept the reality of the situation. Do all you can to make her last times as comfortable as you can. Your young age makes losing a parent very hard. I was in my 50's when my parents passed. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but there is really something beyond our petty, mundane existence that is greater than any of us. Don't go crazy. Life is a journey, and we all have different paths. Some are easy, others are hard. Remember, God will never push you beyond what you are able to stand. I wish you well.

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are facing this time. I went through the same at age 22 with my mom. With the assistance of home hospice she was able to spend most of her time at home untill she needed morophine for pain control. If you have the assistance of family and a good medical team, I would try to follow her wishes to your best ability. It will not be easy but you will have peace of mind that you are doing your best to keep up her wish. If however it comes to the need for outside assistance to take over please do not be hard on yourself. Give her the most love you can. May you find peace and comfort at this time. God bless!!!

Answer 7

You need to spend as much time as you can with your Mom. Ask her about her life before you were born, about the day you were born, etc. Kind of use this time to get a nice history of her. You might even want to use a tape recorder so you will have it after she dies. It would be nice to have your kids hear their Grandma years from now. Of course, she wants to die at home. Would you want to die alone in a hospital bed with no one near you? Having nurses stick you with needles, wake you up to take your temp, etc. Be as nice as you possibly can and after she has died, you will be at peace knowing that you did the best you could. You will have no regrets. Say a little prayer for patience. And don't forget to tell her how much you love her.

Answer 8

Talk to the people at Hospice.

Hospice has volunteers that will come over to help you out while you're caring for your mother at home. They helped my friend deal with her Grandfathers passing at home and she thought they were wonderful.

I'm sorry that you have to handle this on your own, but take comfort in knowing that there are resources out there to help you through.

Answer 9

Call with any problem, anytime:
Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
Phone: [phone]
Email:Hotline@girlsandboystown.
org. They have the trained professionals to help with this.

Answer 10

I agree with the hospice idea. They not only help your mother, but they are very good at explaining what is happening to your mom in words you can understand. They will make sure she is comfortable so all you'll have to do is spend quality time with her. Don't lose the opportunity.
I never could have made it through my Dad's death without them.