Guys is this normal? Do you do this to you girlfriend?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and I love him with all my heart and we are even going to get married soon but the thing is I think he is too controlling. He wants to know everything, where I go, What i'm doing, who I am having lunch with, call him before and after lunch. When he calls me at work on my direct line and I don't pick up he keeps calling and calling untill I answer and then ask me where I was or what I was doing, and then blames me if I was with someone else and if I love him ect. He has to go everywhere with me, I meanwhen I go to lunch at work and I want to run an errand and he ask me why didn't you do it after work? Then goes on about me cheating on him because I didn't wait to go with him after work. I mean it startting to get alittle tiring trying to tell him I love him and would not ever cheat on him but I feel like he don't belive me. I tell him everyday that I love him and he means the world to me. I am confused weather to marry him or not??

I love him and I don't want to break up but I know once I ask for some time to get married he will tell me it over. We are about everyday and I don't know if I am over reacting or not? But I am not going to have someone control me and say nothing. I speak my mine and I know he don't like that.

I love him and I don't want to break up but I know once I ask for some time to get married he will tell me it over. We argue about everyday and I don't know if I am over reacting or not? We make up within about an hour or so then it all good again until the next time we argue. I am not going to have someone control me and say nothing. I speak my mine and I know he don't like that.

Also when I do something that he don't agree with he tells me I don't want to marry someone like that then I ask him why are you going to marry me then. He never says anything to that and goes around and says you don't love me because your not being loving and caring to me and I tell him well I feel the same way.

Answer 1

dump him, he doesn't, and NEVER WILL, trust you

Answer 2

just from personal experience, you really find out who the REAL person you are with about this time until the next year. 2-3 years is the stage where you will decide if he is the one, and vice versa. And now that you have talked about marriage, it becomes complex for one/both of you, in your own way. It could be that he may have seen/heard/found something that is so small to you, but us guys think way too much for our own good. Even though there may be a positive, there's always a negative. The real question is did he get hurt in a previous relationship, and if so, was it about the same time the both of you have been together. A majority of the time, you may say one thing to him, but he takes it another. Your lifestyle makes you who you are. You need to just get away with him and talk. Ask all the questions that you want to ask, and let him do the same for him. And one thing for sure, don't let him get advice from single friends, hence their current situation, SINGLE.

Answer 3

You need to tell him how you feel. What he's doing is a little much, and it has to be annoying to say the least. You have to think of your future together, do you really want to live the rest of your life with this controlling person. He's going to end up driving you TO cheat on him. I was in this same situation about 13 years ago. It was so out of control, I actually had to pack up, me and kids, while he was at work so he couldn't beg me to stay. I just couldn't take it anymore. Trust me, please resolve this with him before you get married and stick to your guns, he may come around, and he may not...It will be his choice if you stay or go, really. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

I think he does sound controlling. I would tell him to lay off a bit. You dont want to marry him if he is controlling it can get worse. I have a friend in a relationship like that now and she loves him so much she wont leave him; but she puts up with the controlling to the point where she has no friends and does not go out unless it is with him. that is no way to live. take care of yourself do what is best for yourself.

Answer 5

This isn't normal! This is just the beginning of an out of control controlling marriage that may or may not turn into an abusive relationship. My mom was in one of these & it almost turned deadly! I suggest really thinking it over & whether or not you want to stay in a relationship like this for the rest of your life. If I were in this relationship I'd get out & fast! I wouldn't want to live my life unhappy for the sake of the relationship. You think he's controlling now it'll only get worse!

Answer 6

Yes, I think most people would say your boyfriend is too controlling. You need to try to talk with him and tell him that you feel he checks in with you too much to see what you are doing. Maybe he'll be willing to work on it and try to leave you alone a little bit. If he's not willing to work on it, I would recommend not marrying him because chances are it won't work out for the long term. People need space -- even when they are in relationships.

Answer 7

If you can't get him to see this is a problem that he has to deal with, you'll be miserable.
Try to figure out why he's doing it. Is he suspicious due to jealousy?
Is it because he's afraid of what might have happened to you when he hasn't talked to/ seen you recently?
Is he just rigid in his world view and how things should be done?
Look at his family, it probably stems from something there. I will tell you it's not uncommon. I know alot of guys who are like that in some way... *ahem*...

Answer 8

you keep defending him. the folks have answered your question. you do not like the answer. it is one you already knew; you were hoping we'd come up with another solution.

since you are not taking our word for it- i think you should watch some tv. a week or two of dr.phil, montel, divorce court, and some lifetime movies based on true events should sacre you straight.

get out.
now.
tell him to get some help.
now.

do this before you become a statistic.
do this before he becomes abusive.

do this now.

yes. it will hurt.
yes. it willfeel like your heart will never love again.
yes. you will both feel this way.

but if you truly love him, leave him and tell him to get some help.

Answer 9

i know this is going to sound cliched but seriously, just the fact that you're asking and not sure means that you should wait to get married. personally, i think he's too insecure. marriage won't fix anything, it'll just make it harder for you to get out if you eventually decide that it's not working. he also has some trust issues too which really isn't fair. you should be allowed to have a life outside of him and if he's not ok with that, you shouldn't be ok with him treating you the way he is.

Answer 10

My first husband was like that, but not until we had dated for a few months. He forced me into anal sex because he did not want me to get pregnant. I remember driving home one night and he pulled off the road and ripped my clothing off and shoved himself inside me. Then he made me feel like crap and said that no one would want me after he had been up my back door.
After the marriage it got worse, regular sex did nothing for him, he had to degrade me. HE had to have ALL of my paycheck...and only AFTER he paid the bills and got himself a new computer game then I would get what was left over. A big fat nothing!
I worked 2 jobs, and I would come home from work and be expected to wait on him and his friends hand and foot, or he would "Punish me"
My advice...RUN do not walk away from him...before it is too late!

Answer 11

You need to talk to him and ask why he's so controlling. Maybe he's been cheated on before, and can't trust anyone? IF you want to stay with him, you've got to ask yourself if you will put up with this kind of behaviour. Some men are like this, you need to decide if you can look past this.