You are 23 and just finished college while working full-time to pay your way. You had moved from several hundred miles away to attend this college, and since moving have established yourself in a good job, made several friends, and come enjoy the area.
You have a girlfriend back home whom you have dated for about a year and a half. You have been utterly miserable with the relationship for several months, but the fact that it is long-distance has made it tolerable because you only have to see her once or twice a month and you stay busy with school and work all the other time.
Before you graduate, she realizes that the relationship is going sour and that you don't plan on moving back after finishing. She decides to stop taking her birth control and becomes pregnant in an effort to make you move back home and get married.
What do you do? Marry her and try to make it work? Don't marry her but take responsibility for the child? Does she move up there with you or do you go back to her?
2007-06-12 11:55:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
the point in moral (same thing as an ethical dilemma I might add) dilemma exercises is to decide based on the choices you have. You cannot make up other possible choices, they do not exist and nothing else is possible. They are designed so that you are forced to challenge your morals and make a decision on "what would you do."
moral dilemma copied from
http://www.moralbliss.com/
2007-06-12 11:56:21 · update #1
How about you don't play until you have the ring on the finger. That will solve all Dilemmas and will save you alot of thought process for this question.
If you don't play then you won't have to pay.
and the Moral is in the statement
2007-06-12 12:01:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Everything should be done with the best interests of the child in mind. If both parents agree that the relationship is not working, it should be ended so that the parents only have responsiblities to the child and not to each other. Forcing a relationship around a baby is only going to make all three miserable.
When determining who is going to move, all things should be considered. You say that the father has an established job, what about the mother? Wouldn't the father's degree make it easier for him to find another job back home? Wouldn't him moving closer to her give the child a better chance of spending time with both sets of grandparents than barely knowing either of them at all?
There's alot of things to be considered in a situation like this.
2007-06-12 12:02:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If a woman is using pregnancy as a way of trapping a man into a relationship, that's one cold hearted b***h.
The best option here would be to find out if she's going to have the baby or not. If she is, then you're stuck paying child support for the next 18 years. You're not required to move back in with her, or have a relationship with her or whatever. But it would be a good idea to establish a relationship with your child. If she decides to have an abortion, I'd at least offer to split the bill.
2007-06-12 12:03:43 · answer #3 · answered by Adam G 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well having seen my own brother in this situation as well as a marriage that ended in divorce even with a kid.
She is wrong, and so would the guy. If he wasn't using the brain in his head. He should have been wearing a condom. But sence that isn't the case.
I wouldn't marry her. I wouldn't be with her, and whats the possiblity of it not being my child. I would take responsiblity for my child. I would make sure that i had equal custody of my child. I would move back home but wouldn't be with her. Id' be done with her. I'd move close enough to see my child for several hours a day but not close enough for her to pester me.
I'd also make it clear beyond the shadow of a doubt that we were through period. we are not getting back together period. But that i will be there for my child.
2007-06-12 12:01:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't have sex with someone you can't stand. If you don't think that you want to marry her, you should not have had sex with her in the first place.
But since you made that choice do the right thing. Marry her. Give the child a home with a mother and a father. Do your best to be civil to each other. Really since the parents don't love each other the ideal option is to give the child up for adoption. But you don't want other solutions, so the parents need to not be selfish, they need to put their differences aside, get married and put on a happy face for the child.
This was not an accidental pregnancy since she intentionally quit taking birth control and intentionally had sex.
Next time, only have sex when you are married. THat takes this dilema away entirely.
2007-06-12 12:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
If she tries to use pregnancy to get you to move back with her, it won't work anyway.
First, tell her that getting pregnant won't get you to move in with her.
Second, convince her to have an abortion. A kid shouldn't have to suffer in this world just because of an underhanded emotoinal ploy. You should be responsible for at least half the costs.
If she refuses to get an abortion, then you'll have to help in providing money for the child. You are responsible for the child, since you voluntarily had sex with her. However, the mitigating circumstances may reduce or get rid of any financial responsibility you have towards the mother.
2007-06-12 11:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by nondescript 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would probably support the child but not marry the woman. I would also make sure NEVER to have sex with someone that I was not wild about either because of the chance of this happening.
A lot of women do lame things in order to try to keep a relationship alive. Most of the time when the relationship should not be kept alive for a multitude of reasons.
It is really the guys fault in this case however because he knew that he should get out of the relationship due to incompatibility, but yet he held on for easy access to sex. She played his cards as hard as he dealt them. He took advantage of her, and she burned him for it, costing him one expensive life lesson.
2007-06-12 12:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
This situation actually happened to a friend of mine, who now has a grown daughter.
He took full responsibility for her support as she was growing up, and kept a good relationship with her through out.
The mother wanted to use the child as "bait" to torture the poor guy, so he did not fight for custody.
Their relationship is good, but they are not overly close, because of the mother.
She tried to manipulate many other men through her life, all her relationships ended badly.
2007-06-12 11:59:54 · answer #8 · answered by Eartha Q 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
assuming I was a man, I would take responsibilty for the child, but not marry the mother. Marriages are built on trust, and she decietful in her actions. You can be a very good father without having to be a husband in an unhappy relationship.
2007-06-12 12:00:50 · answer #9 · answered by randadell 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think getting married just because someone is pregant is not the right answer.
I think that if you are responsible enough to have sex, then you can be responsible enough to work out a way to take care of the child IE pay child support, arrange for health insurance etc.
2007-06-12 11:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋