My boyfriend is black and I'm white. My grandpa, who I live with, is racist, and dosn't want us dating...

Question

Can someone tell me what I should do?
This is a serious question, requiring a serious answer.
Perhaps from an older adult, or the wise.
I'm in LOVE with this man.
More than you could ever imagine...

Answer 1

Just a few questions... how old are you and are you able to move out on your own yet?

If both of these are a NO then you may have a bit of a situation on your hands. Since you do LIVE with your grandpa, you HAVE to respect his beliefs and his rules and decisions when it comes to his HOME.

That doesnt mean, however, that you should stop seeing the man that you are in love with because of grandpa... it just means that you HAVE to be respectful of how he feels! Like I said, its HIS home and he SHOULD have the right to feel comfortable in it! He has worked HARD to have his own space and that should be respected. So ANY rules that he lays down should ALSO be respected!

What I would suggest is that you sit down with grandpa and have a SERIOUS talk with him. Discuss your feelings about your boyfriend AND your feelings about how HE feels about blacks. Ask him WHY he feels this way and also ask if he will PLEASE at least give your boyfriend a CHANCE to prove himself! Tell him that not EVERY person can be judged simply by the way they look and if he would just give him a chance, you would be happy! (Make sure NOT to act like a whiny child when having this conversation though b/c that will get you NO WHERE!)

If he is STILL uncomfortable with seeing the two of you together then you are just going to have to live w/ that decision! Spend time together at OTHER places rather then your grandfathers home. DONT shove the relationship in his face by being physical in ANY WAY when the two of you are around him. I am SURE that there are other places that the two of you can spend your time if it does in fact bother your grandpa!

I know that its not fair and in this day and age racism is not really even appropriate... but he's an old man who is pretty much set in his own ways! If you FORCE the issue then it will become an even BIGGER problem. If you play by his rules and he SEES (through time) that not only you, but ALSO your boyfriend are in fact RESPECTING his requests... then you might be surprised and he may just come around!!

One other thing... make SURE that your boyfriend ALWAYS treats you with respect and as a LADY in front of your grandpa.... ESPECIALLY if you EVER want to get him to accept the two of you as a couple! If he sees with his OWN EYES that this boyfriend of yours respects you, treats you as a lady, is kind and loving and also RESPONSIBLE... then he may just stop seeing the color of his skin!!

Good luck!!

Answer 2

I don't think its as much about what you should do as it is about what your boyfriend and your grandpa should do. Regardless of your grandpa's feelings, which you can not control, your boyfriend should make every attempt to prove to your grandpa that those feelings are unwarranted. Give the situation some time, don't get pregnant, and continue to love your grandpa. He has your best interest at heart because he probably knows that things like this most often lead nowhere. Mark your calendar for Sept. 12 (three months from now) and look back on it at that time. You will see that things will have changed. Good luck!

Answer 3

Someone once said that nobody wants advice, just consent.

I'm not sure I've ever heard a serious question that began with "my grandpa is a racist". You haven't been around long enough to qualify as your grandpa's judge... or to know what an older adult can or cannot imagine... no matter how much you capitalize or otherwise emphasize the word love. Is that serious enough, honey? Reverse racism, just to rub your grandpa's nose in it, is just as repugnant as racism ever was.

Answer 4

My oldest daughters father is black and when I started dating him my Grandmother, who was my best friend, was so angry. She was very racist too. When my child was born she came to my house (I lived with my mother at the time) and told me to get my "N++++, child" out of her daughters house. Well, needless to say we didn't speak for years. I wasn't even allowed in her house. One day when my daughter was 3 my mother had a heart attack and I needed to be with her at the ER. I had no one to babysit and no other family except my Grandmother. I broke down and asked her if she could watch her for an hour. She said yes. When I got back an hour later they were having a great time and she asked me if she could stay the night. I agreed. They became really close. My Grandmother and I still hardly spoke and I wasn't allowed in her house. When my daughter was 9 my Grandmother told me she was sorry because she loved my daughter and me and she was wrong. It was a long hard process but she came around. She never did like my bf because he was really abusive but she did tell me that she would have wanted to get to know him if he had been good to me.

My point is this: Your Grandpa might be angry now but take baby steps and maybe once he gets to know the guy and sees how good he is to you then he MAY come around. Especially if he (your grandpa) really loves you. Try talking to him about the situation and ask him to give it a chance.

Answer 5

Race isn't artifical. That's simply anything politically right zombies might such as you to think. We are genetically specific. A puppy and a wolf are descended from the equal household, however which one might you believe round your youngsters? Moreover, white men and women have a gene blacks lack - the neanderthal gene. However, it is your existence. Just do not sleep with him, due to the fact that thats all youngster boys of all colours and creeds are after. Boyfriends come and move - household is ceaselessly.

Answer 6

Sadly this is a situation many young people face as the times change but our elders dont.
I am white. I was born in Berlin Germany. I moved to america when I was 12. I have never believed in racism. My grandfather was a Nazi. My father was also in the German military and my mother shares beliefes of the old country. They are very racist. I havent spoken to my family in over a year because I am dating a girl that is Half Black.
It was a decision I had to make. I also know many who have made the decision as well. weather they are fighting against racism, or sexism because they are gay or lesbian.
we are our own human beings and we have to make the decisions that are best for us when we get old enough to understand the consequences.
You need to tell you grandfather that you understand the way he thinks even if you dont. Dont think you can change the way he thinks or even that he will ever be ok with you decision. But do let him know you know how he feels but he needs to respect how you feel. We are born to love all. No matter race or color. Its is not written in stone anywhere how or who we should love and let him know this is a decision you are making and he needs to respect that. Dont ask. Tell him he NEEDS to. Plant your foot as the woman you are. He should respect that. and if he doesnt, make sure that if you really love this man you are willing to face the critisism that comes with it.
Because weather he accepts it or not, Not everyone in this world will. and being with someone of a different race and color no matter who you are, You will face critisism.

Answer 7

I am 41 and I think I quailify as mature. My fiance is white and I am a black female. One thing that I know for sure is that most of our parents or grandparents won't change. I wish someone could tell you what you want to hear. I just know that the heart sends you in the right direction. I hope that this young man treats you well and that's all that you need. Just respect your grandpa but don't let him direct you life. Good Luck to you and your dude.

Answer 8

you can respect your grand pa and you can be independent, however he is old school. Believe it or not but your man has family that objects too. you need to make the decision to move out, your grand pa doesn't have a lot of years left to him and you will not nor can you change him. Create your own independent life and cause no harm to anyone, racism is old and outdated, but so is your grand pa, it goes both ways. I am sure that there are some older members of the dudes family that object as strongly, he just isn't living on their charity, yes charity. Sometimes in life we got to prove to others we made a wise choice in our partners and not just some fantasy fulfilled . Believe it, live it, and make it happen. only by a living experience can you break through years of racist programming, and create a successful life, otherwise it is just a phase of rebellious obsession.

Answer 9

Has your grandfather met your boyfriend? You can't change your grandfather's racist attitudes overnight, but maybe if he meets your boyfriend he might learn to deal with the situation.

If you're worried about how either might behave, try to arrange a low-pressure meeting in a public place where both will need to be on their best behavior.

Don't expect miracles, though. Racism isn't created in a day, nor can it be broken down that quickly.

Be as patient with both men as you can, and do your best to make your grandfather see that there are things more important than the color of your boyfriend's skin.

Answer 10

how old are you? living with a racist can be tough.

all i can say is, follow your heart. but know this, you may lose your grandfather's respect. if you can stand that, then go for it.

but before choose your man over your family, make sure this is what you want. make sure you do not want this man because if is forbidden (sometimes we want things we cannot have).

and remember, your man is going have to face this racism on a daily (which he perhaps always does) because i am pretty sure your grandpa is not the only the racist in the family.