Boyfriend into spanking/bondage?

Question

My boyfriend is into spanking in various degrees, and mild s&m type things. he would go to group parties where he said sex was not involved back when we first met but I told him i wasn't interested in going. if i were to try something like that it would be in private. if he is honestly interested in that kind of thing do you believe it is important I try to do those things with him. if i didn't do those things should I be ok with him going to those parties (because i still feel like it's kinda cheating). what do you think

Answer 1

Yes, by all means try it. Start light, don't do things you're not comfortable with, and have fun together.

If you don't want to try, then I predict difficulties in your relationship. If he is into spanking and bondage, if it's a part of his sexuality he wants to explore, then it will not be possible to stop him. This means that, either you have to do it with him, or the relation will break up over that point, sooner or later.

As for the parties, I wouldn't agree either to letting him go alone. Although he says the contrary, spanking and s&m IS sexual. Make an agreement with him: you will try it at home, in exchange he stops going.

Answer 2

First of all, contrary to what some people in the previous answers might lead you to believe, spanking and S&M are not exclusively about sex, and such activities are not allowed at most parties. They might be erotic in nature, but then you get into a shade of grey about what constitutes cheating and what doesn't. Most spanking parties that I've been to, however, the main type of spankings given were just playful, with spankees playfully bratting the spankers to be put over their knees for a quick bottomwarming.

Now, I would suggest that you at least give it a try, but if you don't like it, leave it be. However, I will say that if he truly enjoys these kinds of activities, he's not likely to stay in a relationship where it doesn't exist UNLESS you allow him to pursue other venues. If you can agree on a set of guidelines for how you're okay with him behaving at these parties, or if you're willing to attend but not participate, then you might be able to stay out of it yourself, but give him that outlet for his interest.

Otherwise, you both need to part ways. This is best for you, because he'll never be able to give you 100% of what you want. It's also best for him, because he can find a girl who can be all of what he needs without reservation.

I know that I couldn't live in a relationship that didn't involve spanking in some form, whether playful, erotic, sensual, therapeutic, disciplinary or punishment. I either enjoy or have a direct interest in giving all of these.

Answer 3

I'm a spanko and really enjoy S&M so I feel like I can tell you a bit about where he may be coming from. For me, S&M (which includes spanking) is foreplay. I have had three girlfriends in the not too distant past, including my current GF who lives with me and whom I intend to marry soon, that were "vanilla" when I met them, i.e. they had never experimented with S&M. They all love it. Erotic pain is a power exchange. Most western women are, IMHO, sexual submissives and want their man to know what to do in bed, how to do it, and they want him to take charge the huge majority of the time.

Bottom line: Try it. Tell him to get you warmed up and not just starting spanking you hard. I think you'll find having him spank you in the doggy position works best at first since having sex releases endorphins and that will tend to make the pain very erotic.

The best example of erotic pain for most women is having their nipples played with roughly when they are really turned on. It hurts good, right? Just extend that feeling.

By the way, if your handle means you drive a Viper, I hate you!!! LOL If you're that adventurous, you gotta try a nice hot bare bottom spanking.

Answer 4

Does he want to spank you, or have you spank him? (Or both, of course.) Either way, if you're curious about it, give it a try - you might find it a big turn-on, and he certainly will. If he's spanking you, get him to go easy at first, and agree a safeword you can use if it's really getting more than you can take.

As for the parties - well, if they're anything like the spanking parties I've been to, he's probably telling the truth: it really is just people spanking each other.

Answer 5

I am torn two ways. Part of me wants to tell you to only do what is comfortable with you, and if that means you don't try it, that's okay... The other part wants to tell you that you can't knock something until you try it. Personally, I kinda like it rough. (read: s&m every once in a while)

As far as whether you should consider that cheating, that depends... whether or not sex is involved, is the activity sexual in nature, or is it just a buch of people randomly beating each other up in vaguely strange ways? If there is anything sexual, I would personally consider it cheating if you are not there. However, this is definitely dependant on your comfort level. If you feel uncomfortable with him going, tell him. Tell him you're willing to try it in private, and once you're comfortable maybe you'll move to the parties, but that you do not want him participating in things like this without you.

Answer 6

You do NOT have to do anything you are not comfortable with, just to please or placate your partner.
You do NOT have to be comfortable with him going to places where there are those kinds of activities, if you don't want him to.
You have to be honest with him. Tell him how you feel, and see if this is something he's willing to give up to stay with you...or he'd be better off going to those parties to find someone who is on his same wavelength.

Now, having said that...
You can still try these things with him in private, you might like them- just not in a party atmosphere. BDSM is about trust, and if you like it or are curious about it, it could be something to draw the 2 of you together. You might want to see what it's like before rejecting it.

Either way, always be honest about what you're comfortable with, and what you're looking for in a relationship, and what you won't stand for. There's plenty of people out there if the guy you're with isn't the right one.

Answer 7

If i was in your shoes, I would NOT allow him to go to these parties but I would instead ' try ' once or twice this S&M thing he is into.
If he doesn't get any from you, then if you give him the ' permission ' to go, then he will and might even try it on someone else ....

I don't understand what all that S&M is all about.
Thank goodness I don't have to be bothered with that.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Only try them if you are truely comfortable with it. Or maybe suggest a compromise. You'll try that with him if he's willing to try something you're interested in. And if you still feel like him attending the parties is cheating then tell him so.... and you do not have to be okay with cheating.

Answer 9

The parties could be dangerous, cuz they could lead to group sex. You should never, ever let him spank you in any way. But, if he needs you to spank, paddle and strap his bare behind, by all means, do so--often, regular, hard and long--more than he thinks he wants!

He will never stop wanting to get paddled (if this is it), and it is such an easy thing for you to do. Also, you will begin to get the rspect you deserve. This is a process...taking control of him. Plan on paddling him the rest of his life. Since it should be so easy for you, just go ahead, tie him up and paddle him hard and long, and do it often. Thanks!

Answer 10

First, I am assuming you are a grown woman and capable of doing things for yourself...it is turly up to you whether you want to try to learn and participate in he is activites. If you are curious about them, by all means try it in private first with him, then work your way to doing or going to public outings. If at anytime you don't feel comfortbale..you can leave or stop doing what you are doing. hope this helps.