I'm too nice sometimes. I'd like some pointers on how to be more assertive, not a total ******. Thanks!
2007-06-12 10:06:32 · 9 answers · asked by Hasil V 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
why would you want to be less nice?
i think i undestand tho, just gotta speak up louder and clearer when tryin to assert yourself
2007-06-12 10:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by kydd 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, stop telling yourself that you're too nice. That's the first sign of loser-ness and self fulfilling prophecys of failure. I'll assume you're asking this in relation to hooking up with women. I don't have, nor will any man claim to have all the answers, but here's a few starters...
Dont always open doors for the woman.
Dont always offer to pay. It's ok to split a check, or let her pay if she offers.
Dont call. Wait at least 3 days before you call a girl...period.
Don't leave messages on her machine more than one time without her calling you back. She'll call back if she's interested.
Insults can be compliments. It's ok to make a bad comment about her, so long as you're following it with a positive one...(did you buy your shirt at a thrift store? I really dig the vintage look...) Be tactful...
Dont sound needy or clingy. ie "Are you ok? Is there anything I can get you? Did I upset you?"
DO NOT EVER ASK "Am I too nice?"
Find what works for you and go with it. good luck.
2007-06-12 10:45:51 · answer #2 · answered by xooxcable 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's no such thing as "too nice". What you might be trying to say is you're a pushover? I know what its like. I used to be one too. :-)
Just stand your ground when you know you should. Don't allow yourself to be a doormat. It is not always easy, but it is ALWAYS the best thing to do. And you'll feel good about yourself and get more respect when you do. None of that has anything to do with being nice, it is about not letting people take advantage of how nice you are. You can "nicely" tell them no. :-D
I have a standard I use to know when people are taking advantage- a gift for a gift.
YES. When we are kind we SHOULD expect kindness in return. That's not WHY you should be kind, but it is common courtesy to return kindness. . . er . . . in kind :-D
Everyone deserves common courtesy.
Even you! :-D
This is a social obligation that all gracious people understand. If people are not returning kindness to you, then they are taking advantage of you. Stop being available for such people to walk on, and stand up and point it out when you are being walked on. One can to this graciously. You don't have to get mean or anything or not be nice about it.
That is how best to assert yourself in my opinion.
Another thing to use as a guideline if you are not sure you are being treated properly is to think, "Would I let someone treat my best friend this way?"
If the answer is No, then it is time to be your own best friend.
Best of luck, and CHIN UP!
2007-06-12 11:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated this nice guy once and he would never ever make a decision and it would drive me crazy.
whenever I asked him what movie he wanted to see, or where he wanted to eat dinner, or what he wanted to do for the weekend - it was always whatever you want honey.
now sometimes that is ok, but sometimes you need to be the man and have some thoughts for yourself!!
2007-06-12 12:36:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
being nice isnt a crime - if you really wanna be assertive theres a really awesome book i forgot what its called but theres alot of them in book stores titled like how to take charge in your life, how to be a great sales person - all these books teach you skills to be a more confident person and how to not take any **** from anyone hope this helps
2007-06-12 10:15:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be more ASSERTIVE and NICE at the same time!
2007-06-12 10:29:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be very proud of who you are. there should be a LOT more guys like you. believe me, you will be the one who will be successful, liked, and have a marriage that will last "Til Death Do You Part" !
PLEASE, don't think you're an ******, because you are not.
2007-06-12 10:16:43 · answer #7 · answered by chercinbob 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be upfront dont be afraid of what your gonna say and if it hurts them just give it to them straight
2007-06-12 10:15:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't always say things like "please", "thank you" or "I'm sorry" I used to have a friend who always said those things and it drove me crazy. It wouldn't hurt to curse a little bit to.
2007-06-12 10:14:52 · answer #9 · answered by musicman 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋