I don't want him going that far away from me, not just yet. They are wonderful people and we have a great releationship but i am just not ready to leave him that far away. They only come to see him once a month for a couple of hours, so he doesn't really know them. Is this fair to make him go stay in an unfamiular place with unfamiular people even though they are his grandparents. given this is my first child and i am very protective. I do think that he needs to have a relationship with his grandparents, but why do they think is has to be at their house and with out us there?
2007-06-12 09:22:48 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am going constantly through the same thing! My in laws think that they should get my daughter to spend the night, whenever they want!
Here's my advice, and what I did. First of all, just tell them the truth. Just say you're not ready yet. That's what I told mine, and it bought me another month. :)
I'd just say that you're not ready to be away from him that long. And tell them that they can spend as much time with him as they want, just not overnight. Maybe let them have him for the day.
On the other hand, the reason your husband wants your son to go with them is probably that he wants some alone time with you. My husband always wants to get rid of our girls so we can be alone, but I don't want to! I became a parent to take care of my kids, not pass them off to others. But he doesn't see it that way, and your husband probably doesn't either.
Maybe if you let them take him somewhere for a couple of hours while your husband and you go out to dinner and have a nice date.
I promise you this though-- In a couple of months (or years!), you'll love being able to know that you can drop your son off and get some peace and quiet. But until you're ready to, you shouldn't have to! You're the mom, you have the final say! :)
Edit to add:
My first daughter didn't spend the night at her grandparents until she was 2!
2007-06-12 09:33:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have the same issues. My inlaws are always hinting that they want my 4 month old to come stay with them. I do not see why they want him like that...you know without us there. They have not raised a child in 20 years and I feel they would not meet his cues of when he is sleepy, tired, etc. Plus whenever they visit all they do is hold him! I feel if I left him with them thats all they would do...and he does not like being held all the time, he fusses and they just will not put him down with his toys or anything. Why have a "baby sleepover" if they are not even going to really remember it ya know? I would have to say no to it. I think that they are blessed to live so close and get to see him as much as they do. I think that if that is not enough then too bad...it is not their job to raise him and sometimes I feel that is what my inlaws want to do! Just do not be afraid to put your foot down...you are responsible for this child. Maybe see if they will settle for coming to your house and watching him while you and your husband go out for an hour or two. Just wanted to let you know that I know what your going through and it does suck!
2007-06-12 09:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by bpfashion123 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, kids do need to have a relationship with their grandparents especially if they are good safe loving people, however i think the baby is too young to be that far away from you yet, gently tell them you think its just too early, and tha once the baby is 1 year and above it would be maybe a better time. I know if i were you i would not sleep all night and show up @ their door at 6am, its just a mom feeling.
2007-06-12 09:32:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will enjoy the time alone. Go to where they live and stay all night in a hotel. That way you are close to help you feel better. Believe me a day will come that you will want some time away, if you never leave your child he or she will never want to be apart from you in case of a have to situation. I'm not saying that you should dump your kids off all the time but every once in a while is nice to have some alone time with honny.
2007-06-13 09:06:16 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a much better option (and a great compromise) would be to have your in-laws come stay at your house with your son while you and your husband take an overnight or weekend for yourselves. That way your in-laws are able to take part and develop the relationship that they want to have with their grandchild but you have the peace of knowing that he's happy and content in his own house, sleeping in his own bed. You're not being overprotective at all. You're his mommy and no matter what anyone says (including daddy), you call the shots. Nobody knows better than you what's best for your little guy.
2007-06-12 10:23:47 · answer #5 · answered by J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you feel but I made the hard but right choice (for us) to leave our babies from a young age.
I didn't send them away, the grandparents would come to the house and stay and I/we would leave. That way the babies were always in a familiar home, with familiar sounds, smells, toys when they were being looked after by someone else.
The advantage also is that at any point in my/our stay away I /we felt uncomfortable I/we could just go home and it was not going to be an issue. I/we wouldn't be taking the baby away from their grandparents--I'd just be going home and we'd all be spending time together. This may be something you could do in preference to the baby going away.
It did wonders for my sanity being able to leave the kids and later, to send them away. I must admit I had real issue leaving my then 2 year old with his grandfather whom he barely knew for 2 weeks. I had to leave a family holiday urgently to nurse my mother. Our 2 yo didn't flinch. There were too many exciting things to do with his newly discovered grandad. When my husband drove the 5 hours to collect him, he seemed to have grown up so much in the 2 weeks. It was another 3 weeks before I got home (was away a total of 5 weeks).
The advantage I have had with leaving my kids and sending them away on regular visits with family from a young age is now they can sleep anywhere and are not so dependant on me. I have also had to leave home a few times on urgent trips and there has never ever been any issue with the kids being cared for by friends. My husband is also over seas a lot so they are no so greatly affected by our absence though our preference is to be together as a family.
My husband and I will often take trips away by ourselves, which is something we started from a young age with the babies and it has stood us in very good stead. We plan to make another international trip this year for 3 weeks and will have the grandparents come to stay with the kids (aged 10,8,7,5).
It has done a lot for my sanity to learn to leave the babies in the perfect care of family. Why not have your inlaws come to stay in your home while you and your husband take one night to stay somewhere. This will be a nice thing for you both, your babe is in familiar surroundings and your inlaws will have the chance to care for him. All going well you may look to letting him go to stay with them a little later on in the piece.
2007-06-13 03:53:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay so why not go and spend it with him. I agree at 8 months thats a bit young to be going so far away from mommy and daddy.
If daddy is going then stay home enjoy some me time. If not then both of you go.
Maybe in a year or so, hey then an over night stay is nothing. You want him to know his grandparents so make it a bit easier for that to happen. Suggestion trade off months, you go there with the baby and they come to you. If there is no room in your home for them to stay and you have the money to find them a nice close hotel, offer to pay for it for a night for them.
2007-06-12 09:31:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My suggestion would be for the grandparents to come and stay the weekend with you a few times. Let your little one get used to them. While they are at your house - you and your husband leave for a few hours so your baby is alone with them. Once you feel your baby is comfortable enough with them then tell them you will let the baby stay with them.
2007-06-12 09:57:29 · answer #8 · answered by charlie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same position as you except for the 2 hour part my in laws live 30-45 mins away and they always want us to leave her there with them and she just doesnt know them she cries when i walk out the room and its not that they are bad people they are great but i dont feel comfortable leaving my child either.
I would sit them down and tell them that you dont think he is ready and you arent either, my rule is that when my daughter can say yeah i want to stay here then i will because she is making her own decision but until then i dont leave her by herself there because i dont want her to freak out and them not know how to comfort her you know so if you feel that strongly about it then i would tell them and talk to your husband first so he realizes that its not your parents, your just not ready
2007-06-12 09:28:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anna 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is your child, not theres. So you are just going to have to tell them that you are not ready for your son to be on an overnight trip yet. IF they wish to come to your house you have no problems with that. They can even take him out all day, but they have to stay the night at your house. Your child, your decision. That's it. If they have a problem with it tell them that you are really sorry, but you feel strongly about this. Make sure your hubby is on your side, or at least talk to him before you talk to them. taht way you are on the same page. If it is easier for you, you might have him broach the subject with them. But be firm. If you give in, you will be expected to give in from now on.
2007-06-12 09:31:31 · answer #10 · answered by ayla_2114 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋