if you have a friend who has a drinking problem, should you, or should you not, drink with them?

Question

My very good friend like to drink to get drunk, more often than not. I on the other hand enjoy one or two drinks to unwind after work, every now and then. When we go out I take my own car so I can leave when I want because she stays sometimes for hours. my friend knows she has a drinking problem, but refuses to quit until something drastic happens, the fact that she has kids means nothing. My question is should i be drinking with her at all? she goes out whether or not i go with her, so why cant i go out and enjoy a couple drinks with her? and what about the summer and cookouts and drinking at home, do i just not invite her or tell her not to drink, even though myslef and others can? what is the right thing to do for a friend who cant control her drinking?

Answer 1

Realistically, there isn't much you can do to make her stop drinking. She has to recognize herself that she's engaging in self-destructive behaviour and then be willing to make a change. If you invite her over to your place and she drinks and gets into trouble (e.g., car accident) you might be held liable for allowing her to get drunk, so it would certainly be wise to curtail the amount of alcohol served to her. As for going out with her, I guess it might be a worthwhile exercise to ask yourself, "How would I feel if I went drinking with her and she had (a car accident, an alcohol overdose,etc.) as a result of her drinking? My own position is that I wouldn't want to feel that I might have contributed to someone's tragedy, even if there is nothing I can do to prevent that person's self-destructive behaviour.

Answer 2

Well I have been very close to a couple alcoholics throughout my life and all those things everyone is telling you.............. tell her that she is destroying herself or to do an intervention....... mean just about nothing. Your friend is not going to stop until SHE is ready to stop. She's hurting her kids and I'm sure she knows it but until there is a breaking point, that won't matter. So you going out drinking with her or inviting her over isn't going to hurt her at all since she'll drink whether she's with you or not. At least you're with her and can keep her safe. The only thing that I don't agree with is you leaving her there when she is drinking. I'd want to make sure she got home safely whether you have to drag her out with you or take her keys and give her money for a cab or tell her to call you to pick her up when she is ready to leave. It's a big inconvenience, yes......... but think what the consequences could be if she is driving drunk.

Answer 3

If you have a friend with a drinking problem than the only responsibility you have is to set bounderies for yourself and your friendship. Absolutely, refuse to drink with her. Refuse to be around her when she is drinking. Tell her how much you value her friendship, but explain that you can't be a part of that part of her life. Invite her to any event you are attending, but make sure she understands your bounderies, tell her you would love to have her join you at the cookout, but that she needs to save her drinking for another time. Then, you are not excluding her, you are giving her a choice. If she really values your friendship and the time she spends with you than she will do it on your terms. Good luck!

Answer 4

By drinking with her, you are sending the message that you think her drinking is "OK", therefore, you are enabling her. Do not say that she "Can't " control her drinking, she just hasn't done it yet. Even though drinking for some is an addiction, it is still a choice. At some point in time, she will need to choose, of her OWN volition, Not to drink.

Answer 5

If her drinking is as bad as you say, then you need to stay away from her as everyone else eventually will do. When she has no friends & they tell her that it's because of her drinking then maybe she'll wise up. Be good to her kids as it sounds as if they have a lush for a mother. You need to be straight up with her about her problem. Give her some tough love.

Here's a website for family members/friends of people with drinking problems: http://www.alanon.org.za/

Good luck!

Answer 6

Ask yourself this .... what good comes from drinkin'? Sure, you'll forget your problems for a few hours, but when you sober up, nothin' will be changed. You problems will still be there and even worse, you'll be in a worse condition medically.

So, tell your friend to cut it out and get healthy.

Of course, alcahol isn't that bad at all when you know how much to drink and when.

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Answer 7

Why isnt your friend getting any help, or is it the case that she doesnt want to be helped. well, i dont know what to recommend because this is quite a difficult situation. by drinking right in front of her, its encouraging her to drink even more.

If you drink with her, it could encourage her. if she is on her own, again she could just end up drinking more and going crazy. would it make any difference if you were there with her? try and think about this question. i dont know your friend but you do.

at this moment in time, you friend needs help ASAP and she needs to recognise that she needs to get that help, because this situation cant continue.

Answer 8

Its a very hard situation usually the person knows they drink too much they just don't see it as a problem all you can do once you mentioned it is to either to ignore it or don't drink with them and risk losing a friend .My best female friend drinks too much , she is a borderline alcholic , all i can do is make sure she doesnt hurt herself when she does she knows i disapprove so my being around her tends to stop her excesses.

Answer 9

You should not drink with her. Do not call her to go out. Even if everyone else is busy. If it's as bad as it sounds you maybe should organize an intervention. This is a tough situation, though. It might cost you your friendship.

Answer 10

you should talk to her about it. let her know you're worried for her safety and health.

tell her that when she's with you she needs to slow down a bit so she can enjoy the evening with every one else.

The best way to do it is to tell her she did something she doesn't remember, like flashing her boobs or something. Even if she didn't do it, it will force her to take a look at herself a little harder.