since shes been engaged shes turned into a complete bridezilla. she constantly complains when she doesnt get what she wants and will not talk about anything that doesnt involve her or her wedding. im getting married the following may, and weve always had an unspoken agreement that i would be her maid of honor and she would be mine. recently, she sent me a nasty email telling me how bad of a friend i was for hanging out with a good friend of mine who she doesnt like, then followed that up saying that she was sorry if i was mad, but that she meant what she said i shouldnt be mad at her anymore. i never said anything to her, figuring it would blow over. a few days ago she emailed me again to say that a friend of hers (that she doesnt like and talks sh*t about) from college wants to participate in the wedding and that i pretty much need to babysit and let her stay w/ me (ive never met her). i haven't seen her in months. i dont want to be in her wedding, or have her in mine. what to do?
2007-06-12 09:01:31 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First, you cannot make this girl your MOH if she is going to continue to act this way. I would come up with a reason why you are no longer asking her (e.g., "I know you just got married and didn't want you to have to pay for a new bridesmaid's dress, bridal shower for me, etc." or "I know you are too busy now getting settled into your new house/new life/whatever to bother with being my MOH.")
As for the friend she wants you to host, it's incredibly inconsiderate of her to offer your place. I would find another reason not to host her--you can say that you have family come in out of town, you want to dedicate all your time to her wedding so you won't be able to also cart someone around with you everywhere, or your place is just too small.
Normally, I would recommend honesty, but with someone like this who has a toxic personality (demonstrated by the emails she has written you) anything you say will be twisted around and make it seem like you are the wrong one. Better to come up with excuses that make you seem like you have her best interests at heart. She's so focused on herself right now anyway that she probably won't even notice!
2007-06-12 09:34:37 · answer #1 · answered by katinkabella 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You never should have been asked to be MOH, that's ridiculous. It's telling that this girl has NO other close friends or relatives that she'd rather have stand up for her. Hmmm...? Also she's ignorant of the cost of being MOH- why would you want to pay hundreds and spend all that energy planning her shower and bachelorette, plus the gown, shoes, gifts, hair and makeup, etc. You never should have accepted because now you're both in a pickle. You need to let her know that since the wedding is out of state, you won't be able to plan her shower or bachelorette so if she'd rather choose another MOH, you'd be happy to attend as a guest instead. Put it that way which makes it seem like it's OK with you if she drops you. As for the 2 sides of the guest list, the bride always has more guests than the groom, but a 90/10 split is extreme.
2016-04-01 04:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Sounds like you already know all the answers. Now just tell the truth. Tell her in your own words or here's an idea; tell her you two have drifted apart and that you consider her a friend but you don't think you can handle the job. But, what ever you do make sure you stick to what you know is right. Don't be her maid of honor and don't let her be your maid of honor. Because you need to keep your wonderful day wonderful.......and so does she. Hope you and your future husband lots of happiness. P.S. This is why they say friends are hard to come by, because they don't fall out of trees, though they can so, be careful.
2007-06-12 09:31:02 · answer #3 · answered by T&T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always say it is okay to decline invitations to be MOH or bridesmaid. Just be polite.
I once had to decline an invitation to be a friend's bridesmaid. I felt bad about it, but I had already accepted a previous invitation to be another bride's MOH the same month. There was no way I could afford to do both. I had to politely decline, explaining that it was just finances.
In your case, you might decline and apologize, suggesting that bride would be more comfortable asking someone who was closer to her. It does sound as though you two have grown apart. You say you haven't seen bride in months, and you might point that out to her.
You should also mention that you will be unable to act as hostess and babysitter to bride's friend. Don't go into details. Just say it is not possible, and that you are "busy" at that time.
You can be "busy" without explaining what "busy" involves. "Busy" can be washing one's hair. It's nobody's business. Just don't go into details. Just keep repeating, "I am sorry. That will not be possible." People can only take advantage of you if you allow it.
As for your own wedding, just do not mention it to bride. Don't talk to her about your wedding plans. Don't ask her to be your MOH. If she brings it up, repeat what was said previously about growing apart, not seeing each other for months, and that you would be more comfortable having someone closer.
If possible, do you have a sister or cousin or future sister-in-law you can ask? It is sometimes easier to ask a relative. Friend cannot really complain if you say you've asked your sister to be your MOH, KWIM?
Good luck to you.
2007-06-12 13:13:41 · answer #4 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be completely honest. Tell her that you don't think being her MOH is going to work out & you can't babysit her buddy from college, either. Then look for another MOH for your wedding in May. She's being VERY controlling & is actually out of control. Don't let her suck you into her problems - just step back. Let the friend from college stay with her & let her be the MOH. I'm sorry she turned out to be such a pill - & the whole bridezilla act is probably her true personality being given free rein! Good luck!!!
2007-06-12 09:27:31 · answer #5 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy. Tell her how her words and actions made you feel. If you still want to be friends with her, tell her that you are doing this to save the friendship. Tell her you'll help her out when you can but you cannot handle the stress of being in the wedding. If you've already asked her to be in your wedding and you remain friends, tell her you'd still like her to be in yours but you'll understand if she doesn't want to. If your friendship is destroyed over this then obviously she'll know she's not in yours. She's not the first Bridezilla to exist and certainly isn't the last but that doesn't mean you should have to stand by and take it. You have enough stress with your own upcoming wedding. Good luck!
2007-06-12 09:25:50 · answer #6 · answered by geistswoman 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a hard one. As a naturally blunt person, I've learned that writing out what you want to say beforehand, revising it twice, and than sticking to what you wrote down helps in situations like these. Otherwise you end up adding a bunch of hurtful things that didn't need to be said in the heat of the moment and/or being unclear. It is also helpful to say how her behavior made you feel: I was very hurt by... I felt that you didn't care about my feelings when you...
If you find it really hard to talk to her in person, perhaps you could write her a letter (handwritten not an e-mail) and ask her to call you to discuss it after she's read it, that way she might have to think before she responds.
2007-06-12 09:10:03 · answer #7 · answered by Mommy of 1.5 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, one if she don't like someone you like that is her. That person is your friend she does not have to like every one you are friends with.(2) She would not be telling me that her friend needs to stay with me that is her problem. Honestly if you don't want to be in her wedding tell her that,she did not mind hurting your feelings so don't feel bad about hurting hers.Let her know she can use the person that she hardly talks to as a maid of honor and that since she wants to be nasty to you,you will not be in her wedding and that you will not be needing her in yours. I understand that we can get frustrated when it comes to our wedding but being nasty to your best friend is uncalled for.She just wanted to hear you say that she upset you. Sounds to me she is a real big bully,do not let her get next to you,she also is not a good friend if I may say so..
2007-06-12 15:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ugh! You poor thing! Talk to her and tell her that b/c of her recent actions you would like to decline being in her wedding. You do not appreciate her trying to control you and who you spend your own personal time with. You do not accept orders from anyone and you aren't comfortable opening your home to a perfect stranger. Also, that in light of her behavior you will not be needing her in your bridal party.
Please brace yourself though, it sounds like she won't take any news well. And she may not talk to you again for quite some time if at all.
I'm sorry that someone you consider a friend would treat you so poorly.
Good luck!
2007-06-12 09:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by longhornfan1722 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is tricky. you have two options. call everything off, including the friendship, because things could get even more nasty, or develop an extraordinarily thick skin and put up with everyone she pulls in the spirit of maintaining the frienship. be patient and kind or else say forget it. it doesn't seem likely that she will listen to reason right now--maybe she will after the wedding, but there's no telling.
2007-06-12 09:10:13 · answer #10 · answered by KJC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋