What would you do for a mother-in-law who is dying of cancer and lives in another state? My mother-in-law has stage 4 cancer (I think) that's spread throughout her body. She's no longer in remission, and the prognosis does not sound encouraging. What would you do for her (other than pray for her), if you knew she might only have a few more months to live? We have never lived near her, and I do not have what I would call a close relationship with her. We did invite her to stay with us over Thanksgiving last year when her cancer was in remission, which went really well. Now she's back on chemo, so I don't think she'll be up to traveling.
2007-06-12 08:49:50 · 19 answers · asked by historybuff33 3 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
Call her more frequently. When my father was dying, he really enjoyed talking to friends and family he hadn't talked to.
Go visit her or at least find a way for your spouse to do so. If your spouse can spend a week or two with her it would be great, so do what you can to enable this to happen. For your own sakes, try to resolve any issues you may have had with her.
And most importantly, tell her how much you love her.
2007-06-12 09:01:05 · answer #1 · answered by mj69catz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I'm sorry to hear about your mother in law, It is hard when they do not live close but I would ask her to come be with you and her daughter if that is an option, My ex mother in law died of cancer and wouldn't leave her home so that is also a concern. I would see her as much as possible, give her love and compassion for she needs that. Maybe her daughter(and you) can make a trip there if she is unwilling to relocate and spend some quality time for we never get that back. I am going thru that with my Mother right now and that's all I do is sit with her for a couple hours, make her laugh, make some meals for her to reheat, etc. I am just happy for the time I spend with her for I know it is limited.I moved from Phoenix to WI to be closer, which I know is not an option for most people. I pray that you and your wife find a way to cope with the situation, god speed to you all.
2007-06-12 09:05:36 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that this is happening but it's great that you're moved to do something now.
Don't waste another minute. MAKE the time to take your wife and go see her. Be ready to shoulder additional burdens so that your wife can make the best of the remaining time. Take time to show her (and your wife) that you care but also give your wife private time with her mother. (remember to take cues from your mother in law since she may tire).
This may be some very valuable time for your mother to know things about her mother that she would never know otherwise.
Also consider, my own mother in law is also sick. She was given a year at most. She's still sick but we've been blessed to have her for what's going on 5 years now! It's not unheard of.
2007-06-12 09:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by K In the House 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you make the time to go and see her. There is no excuse not to. And both you and your wife would regret not spending time with her before she goes.
Dont use work or daily life as an excuse... she is family, she is dying and she needs all the love and support she can get no matter what your relationship is or isnt with her.
Be beside her, read to her, talk to her, offer her things to make her more comfortable. She is still a person who deserves some respect and dignity in her last few months. And while you are there, take her to places that she likes... or find a way to bring those places to her.
2007-06-12 08:55:28 · answer #4 · answered by Paramedic Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Prayer is the best thing you can be doing for her really that is all we can do for people that get sick. If you were to hear that she passed on, what do you thing you would of liked to have done for her? You said your not all that close but there is something personal between the two of you, her daughter, your wife, how is she handling it?
My Grandfather just passed June 4th was the service for him and I thought, I wish I had one more day just to talk with him. But I'll never have it. Things that he told me, like the history of the family and just his beautiful mind the things he knew.
So I would ask you, what would you think if she was no longer with us? Is there something that you would of wanted to say to her or ask? I know that it would be good to even thank her for the wonderful daughter she had and that you want to thank her for at least that, there are so many things....it is always the little things in life that hold the most value, even just being there.
~Salvation is a must for her, that IS the best thing that you can help her do~
2007-06-13 05:56:54 · answer #5 · answered by Blaze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1] take your family to visit her. You and wife should do all the groceries, cooking, etc. Take pix of your family, and maybe do collages of each child's family? Gather artwork from the grandkids and make her a display.
2] teach her to email if she doesn't know how. She can answer when she feels up to it, at her convenience.
3] ask her if there is anything you can clean up, sort out, give away, or replace [ anyhting that's bugging her ]. If she wants new drapes, buy them. If she needs new nighties, or a dress to be buried in, or to tell someone about funeral arrangements, take care of it.
4] make sure she has a place to rest up as well as downstairs, with phone, music, and TV or computer access
5] if she is a reader, maybe you can make arrangements at the library for someone to pick out her favorites.
6] Does she live alone? Can that person handle this alone?
7] find the local hospice number, and post it for when she needs a hospital bed, or wheelchair, or to be admitted.
2007-06-12 12:40:39 · answer #6 · answered by Nurse Susan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she have anyone close to her that will be able to help? She is going to need it. I would consider moving closer to her or vice versa if there isn't anyone else already. Secondly I would try to visit often and just be there for her and your family. This will be a difficult time for everyone even if you are not what you would call close. Try to do fun upbeat things when you are around her. Play board games, talk, smell the roses. Your mother-in-law as well as you will never regret the time you spend together!! Good luck!
2007-06-12 08:58:11 · answer #7 · answered by mm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your mother in law... if she feels there is nothing left to try and she is willing to try an alternative drug have her try DCA... .Please go to these sites: www.thedcasite.com and www.buydca.com and read up on it... this is an alternative drug that has not been approved by the FDA and such so of course you will not find the majority of doctors helping there patients with it but if it is the last recourse why not!! . The sites have testimonials, info, discussions, etc...it is very informative.. I sure hope this is of interest to you... I do have a pet ferret on it at the moment who has Lymphoma and she is doing quite well..which I do have listed on the 2nd site.. I am wishing you and your mother in law well...
Jackie
2007-06-12 14:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by fuzzymum4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your wife want to do? This is her mother. Unless you were close to her there really isn't much you can do except support your wife. Let your wife go home to be with her mother for as long as it takes. That would be the best thing that you could ever do for your mother in law.
2007-06-12 10:39:18 · answer #9 · answered by Panda 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give her lots of things to keep her mind busy as her body fails. This can be anything from a game to a daily phone call to a photo album to a pizza delivery.
What she needs most is to know you and your wife care, and that she matters. Find as many ways to say you do, she does, and you're grateful to her for raising the fine woman you married.
My thoughts are with you for strength during this difficult time.
2007-06-12 08:57:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋