My 14 yr old stepdaughter is driving me crazy?

Question

A bit older than my son but does half the chores my son does around the house.
She is dirty, smelly, untidy, very rude, downloads pornography and bluntly tells me she likes porn and I believe she has some level of mental problems. She never seems to enjoy anything and cries and harms herself out of the blue. Dad is a geriatric who married a young girl and had this daughter.
Bio mother does not want her - citing she does not have accommodation or time - yet she is fostering 3 children two teens and a baby!
Dad took her to the psychiatrist and sitting in there you would think that it was the psychiatrist who had suggested the daughter had a problem - dad was so defensive and I wondered why we had gone there in the first place. Dad solves problems by throwing money at them - she cries, gets a games, toys, money all rudely snatched and given away or thrown in the bin no appreciation whatsoever. What shall I do? Pse help as the behaviours are depressing for me and my son too.

Answer 1

You need help your ruining her life. Why don't you try treating her better. She just needs to really feel like you love her. I bet you would never come on here and talk about your son that way. Your an evil woman. Why are you so jelouse of her. Quit acting like she's doing everything wrong she is a child you dumb lady. If you can't get through to a kid you aren't trying hard enough. Be nice to her. She just wants to feel loved by your depressed self and your poor depressed son.

Answer 2

I think it is great that you care enough to seek some sort of advice on the situation. I think you need to sit down and talk to your husband regarding his daughters behaviour. Let him know that you are concerned for her well being and you see her going down the wrong path and if she continues this behaviour, she could end up in serious trouble. I am not a psychiatrist, but I don't think this girl has mental problems. I think this poor girl has been neglected by her mother and her father. You said her mother has no time for her and your husband must be at work most of the time being in the profession he is in. Can you imagine what it must be like for her, she most likely thinks no one cares for her, so she thinks why should she care about anything You know as well as I do that raising kids is hard and takes a lot of work, commitment and love. It can't be fixed by throwing money at them, sweeping things under the carpet and letting them get away with whatever they choose to. A lot of parents will do that because it is easier than doing what needs to be done, which is parenting. I think you play a very important key in this family. I believe you can be the strong female role model this young girl needs. You need to help your husband open his eyes to what is happening to her because without his support, it will be even a longer and harder battle. You both need to sit down a figure out a way to control her time on the computer and start making her do chores. Then you need to talk to her and let her know things are going to change. I know this is not going to be easy, but I think it is so important for your stepdaughters well being. It will be a constant fight with her to do the things she needs to be doing and she will hate it, but in the long run, it will only benefit her. Your stepdaughter needs needs guidance and she doesn't really have that now.

Answer 3

Have you no compassion for this child? How incredibly lonely and hopeless she must feel. No one loves her or cares about her enough to parent her. Her father ignores her and wishes she would go away, her mother would rather take care of strangers than her own daughter, and her stepmother see's her as a threat to her and her perfect son's existence.

You know this girl is in pain and yet you spend time writing on Yahoo answers hoping to get someones sympathy. Sorry my sympathy goes to the child who no one wants or loves. You could choose to be a grown up and a mother and stop waiting for someone else to help her.

Answer 4

Get a hold of behavioral services in your area and fast. She NEEDS guidance and structure and if you cannot do it you need to help her get that right away. Porn on your computer could land YOU in jail. Think about it! I would get rid of my hard drive if I were you. All it would take is your county attorney to know this and they could subpoena your computer and it will tell that you or whoever was on there looking at that with young children in your home and then you will lose your son over this! It is NOT worth that is it? I also suggest getting dept of human services involved with her. she desperately needs counselling and must get it before she whinds up really harming you or someone else in that family. Seems to me that she is a brat! Eh? Someone let her behavior get out of control and you cannot fix her alone. So don't think that you can ok? Get her help right away and first .....get rid of that hard drive!

Answer 5

I would have some pity on the poor girl, her own mother doesn't want her!! The fact that she is harming herself should be enough reason for someone to help her. It must be hard, try to be a good mother to her, maybe that is all she needs. Try family therapy, or maybe she needs help by herself first, and then with the whole family. Maybe her mother never taught her how to take care of herself, maybe that is why she is dirty etc. Good luck, it sounds like a crummy situation.

Answer 6

step daughters are Rude in general! The only options you really have is to leave her and her father or stay and take it. I hear that diciplining someone elses kid who lives with you is a no.no and that is completely unfair to you! Tell the girl's dad or whoever it is that helps you raise her that the girl is tearing you too apart because we dont want to see you in jail for hitting a damn brat. The Little girl will love seeing you go back and forth to court and ultimately getting hard time! and the mother will try to kill you and she also likes when that brat treats you the way she does. She laughs about it with her friends! put her a$$ in foster care

Answer 7

you can't do anything. You have no authority here. You married him and u knew he had a kid. They are a package deal. Obviously she doesn't feel loved.How would you feel if you own mother didnt want you ?? She is depressed. She isnt doing this to spite you. She needs professional help. Dont be go quick to dismiss her. She is you husband's daughter. Why dont you try to have some compassion and try being a litte less self centered.

Answer 8

Teens are hard to deal with, change the settings on your computer so she can't look at porn. I'd tell your husband he needs to get a grip on the girl. Give her a chore sheet and make her work if she doesn't ground her. Sort of feel sorry for the kid but sometimes it takes tough love.

Answer 9

This is far more than typical adolescent angst. The child has serious problems and MUST be referred. Visit your local mental health agency, being sure to bring written and detailed descriptions of her behaviors. There is more than one life at stake here!

Answer 10

Show dad this answer board. Many times we protect our own because of feeling helpless ourselves. Dad does know of the problems but doesn't realize how out of ordinary it really is. He has nothing to compare her behavior to You may need to protect your own for a while.