my daughter will be a year this month, i assumed they'd settle down after a while, but they still call me every other day, they still complain that i don't bring her to see them at least 3 times a week.. today my mother in law called and asked if i would bring her over I said i really would like to stay home and catch up on my house work, but that she could come over and play with her while i cleaned and mowed the yard, i thought that was reasonable but she wouldn't listen and insisted that i come over, all be it allowing me time to clean my house.. if they ask if she has something, a toy extra binky whatever and i say no, they go out and buy it, i just feel like their stepping on my toes, i'm six months pregnant with my son, and i feel like i am constantly harassed.. it makes me want to move away...... any advise..? other then being rude to my inlaws.. i do care about them.. I just wish there was some way to tell them to back off, politely.. my husband won't do it..
2007-06-12 07:08:27 · 10 answers · asked by Kitterkat 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like they love her (and you) very much and just want as much time as they can get with her.
I really think that your option of having them come over is very reasonable and very nice of you...but they insist you bring her to them...
I would make your offer again...and just tell her that you would love her to come and spend time with your daughter - and that yes, you are willing to bring her to their house as well - but that you would really like a compromise on this...that you simply are unable to make the drive to their house each time they ask.
Am I right in assuming this is their first grandchild????
2007-06-12 07:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop answering the phone. Really you have complete control of this situation. When they ask if your daughter has something or needs something, unless she does and you want them to get it for her, then say no.
You feel harassed because you have a year old baby and are pregnant with another one. It won't get any better once the baby is born, and you have two infants under 2. At some time you have to be the grown up and simply tell them what you are going to do. Tell them that you are not going out today and they are welcome to come over (if they are). If they insist you come over, simply say no. And say goodbye.
And if your husband isn't helping you with housework and mowing the yard, yet alone with the baby, then you need to sit him down and tell him about real life with two kids under 2. You need to have your full facilities now, and you don't need this nonsense from his family. I'm sure they mean well, but obviously they aren't concerned about you at all.
Get some rest, enjoy your daughter while she is still an only child and please, don't answer that phone.
2007-06-12 07:23:40 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently the only thing you can do is be more firm. If you say you must clean the house or mow the yard, and give them the option of coming to your house to visit with her so you can get these things done but they won't do it, then you have to say "Once I finish with my housework/yardwork I will be bushed and would really just like a shower and to relax. Sorry but today just won't work unless you want to come here or pick her up to play at your house." And be firm. Once you are firm a couple of times they may realize they are overstepping their boundaries and may back off a little, and if not they will at least get used to being told no when it doesn't suit you to give in to their demands all the time. No one should have to live by someone else's whims and demands like they are expecting you to do, after all you have a family and a life and they are a PART of it, not the whole thing. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-06-12 07:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's wrong with just doing what you've already suggested in your post? I know it's hard, but maybe it's time you just leveled with them and told them that you need your space. Explain to them why you feel the way you do and be sure to use non threatening language... At the same time, be willing to ask for and listen to their concerns, too.
You might open the conversation with a comment along the lines of "When you constantly call me and ask me to bring daughter over, I feel _____." Then perhaps reassure them that they can see their granddaughter. I get the feeling that's why they may feel anxious. Maybe, you could also suggest a regular time every week that they could visit. That might make them feel more secure while allowing you some room to breathe. If I were you, I'd probably emphasize my health, too. You're pregnant and don't need extra stress.
Sorry you're going through this. Good luck.
2007-06-12 07:18:41 · answer #4 · answered by Siren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is great that your in-laws want to spend time with your daughter and be a part of her life. I know it can be overbearing when they insist you always come over there and you still have to do the things you need to do. Maybe try and make arrangements, with them, for them to pick up your daughter for the day. That not only gives you a break,but it gives you time to do the things you need to do. Maybe try and compromise the times you come over and the times they pick her up. You say they want to see her 3 times a week, well you could go over there one day during the week. They could pick her up(or you drop her off) another day during the week and maybe your husband can take your daughter over there sometime on the weekend.
Hope this helps.
2007-06-12 07:29:37 · answer #5 · answered by CARM 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel you gotta be polite. If she insists on things you don't wanna do just insist back what you'r gonna do. Only you control how you feel. Learn to just brush them off. Now you not caring for your inlaws is stupid. They are your kids blood family learn to love them for who they are. You might be the problem. Oh snap! Why the heck are you mowing the yard. YOU NEED SOME HELP.
2007-06-12 07:16:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they want to see her, they have to come to your house. You can't go everytime. End of the story.
Your husband has to stop trying to please only his parents. You are his wife! He should talk to them! They might get offended if you say something and complain with him and you'll get in a big fight with him over nothing.
Don't answer the phone, let the machine pick their message. Avoid them as much as you can. They can't "make you crazy" right now. You're pregnant.
2007-06-14 08:51:27 · answer #7 · answered by helloy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop the kid off and see what happens! Free baby sitting? Anyday. They will end up payng for the computer and putting the kid through college - and I'm sure you wont complain then! You are just feeling unreasonably jealous and selfish and dont want to share your child.
2007-06-12 07:24:48 · answer #8 · answered by Unique H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in-laws have a tendency to feel that they need to be in control when it comes to grand children. Been there done that. That's where you get some backbone about you and tell them how you feel. If you don't nip it in the bud right now, It gets worse.And you don't have to come across rude.Just tell them how it isand how it is gonna be.
2007-06-12 07:16:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your frustration. I think your inlaws are just concerned about being a part of your children's life and want to be included as much as possible.
2007-06-12 07:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by tooyoung2bagrannybabe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋