What would you do if your fiance ripped your ring off your finger?

Question

We got into an argument last Saturday night and he said
"Give me my ring back"
I said "You gave it to me, its my ring."
"Well I bought it. Give it to me."

So he came over to me, ripped the ring off my finger, and wouldn't let me leave the room. After he sat there for awhile, he forced the ring back on my finger and expected me to forgive him. I ended up sleeping on my counch (in my own apartment) just so he'd leave me alone.
He says he is sorry, he was just being stupid kuz he was mad and had been drinking.

What should I do?

Answer 1

many people can act stupid and trust people who categorize your boyfriend as violent are not in a "so good relationship" themselves. Talk with him about it, maybe you did something wrong, you might not know... If he does it again you should be worried but for now, he might just be insecure to lose you.

Answer 2

Only you know whether this behavior was truly abnormal for him or not. If he is often intoxicated and abusive then I'd say it's time to get out. On the other hand, he may have been very stressed and anxious and this may be a one-time thing. We all make mistakes.

As far as the ring....it was a gift to you. However, it is conditional. So long as you agree to marry him (that's what the ring was for) then the ring is yours. If YOU call of the wedding, you will likely have to give it back, especially if it was a family heirloom. If HE calls off the wedding, the the returning of the ring is a little less certain and you may have to go to court to fight it out.

Sit down with your man and let him know that that kind of behavior will NEVER be tolerated again. You deserve to be treated with respect.

Answer 3

Give the ring back to him and do not get married. Do you want a man in your life who will say the words Divorce after every argument? Well that's the kind of man you have and he's already proven it. Don't overlook this little event and don't fall for the I was mad and drinking. What else will he do when he's mad and drinking? This guy is way to immature to be tying the knot with anyone, but if want to be stupid, go ahead.

Answer 4

Once he put the ring back on my finger, I would say thank you...then I'd take the ring to a pawn shop and hock the thing. Obviously it doesn't mean much, if an argument and a few drinks are enough for him to decide to break off the engagement.

Answer 5

The fact that he took the ring from you, (which is not just a gift to you, but a signal that says i will make you my wife) and that he ripped it off your hand says to me, i don't want to marry you, and maybe he felt bad later but drinking is no excuse and it sounds like he could be headed down the path to being an alcoholic. he sounds violent and that will only get worse. plus he let you sleep on the couch, instead of going back to his apartment, thats kinda weird. i would seriously think twice. because if you have to ask on YA what to do your probably having serious thoughts about going through with this because of the way he treats you, they wont go away and he will only treat you worse, you deserve better.

Answer 6

Your engagement ring is not legally yours until after the marriage is finalized. If you broke up now he would legally be allowed to get the ring back because it is a form of contract and if the terms of the contract are not met then you have to give back the ring.

I think you should decide why you were fighting, did he physically hurt you, has he ever physically hurt you before or was this just a one time fight that will most likely never happen again.

Answer 7

"Sorry. I was drunk." is not an excuse. Period. End of sentence. What's next? "Sorry I threw you down a flight of stairs. I was drunk, and being stupid. You know I didn't mean it..."

It's one thing he ripped your ring forcibly off your finger, to later force it back on, and then to block you so you can't leave the room? Not. Cool.

It's not going to get better on its own. You have the power to stop the cycle. Leave. Just go. Give him the ring - it's just a thing, and it's certainly not worth your physical safety. Just GO. Either throw him out and change the locks(!), or move out yourself (who's name's on the lease?). File a restraining order. Document everything. Just leave. Don't look back.

There are resources available to you to help you protect yourself. Please take advantage of them!

Answer 8

Whoa, I can't even imagine this kind of thing happening. If someone had the audacity of acting this way with me, I would give him the ring back and tell him to take a hike and never come back. This has the potential of getting much worse.

Answer 9

Take that as a really nice view into your future.

GET OUT NOW. This man will abuse you, hell, he already has.
Call your father, brother, best friends brother, some man who will protect you and move his things out or your yourself move out (dont do it alone). You can call a police officer to come sit in his cruiser while you do it, they are great about doing stuff like that and will completely defuse any situation that may arise and he would be there to protect you.

Just get out though, for your own well being.

Answer 10

This is domestic violence.

This is a very serious warning sign. He will only get worse as time goes on. He will become more controlling, more violent, more often. You need to break off the engagement and give him his ring back. Make sure you have someone else in the room with you when you talk to him. It isn't safe otherwise.

Link takes you to sites on domestic violence and abuse, and to a page on warning signs.

Answer 11

You just should have given it back. An engagement ring is not a gift in the regular sense. You are lucky you found out now - sorry doesn't cut it.