I have a 9 year old daughter soon to be 10?

Question

in a couple of months. I always have to make her take a bath Then i have to fuss at her about rembering to brush her teeth and to ask me to do her hair. I know to do her hair but i'm trying to make her aware of good grooming habits for herself with out me telling her. Is she still too young the reason she pays little or know attention to grooming? is she uncomfortable with perhaps the changes with her body? how do i help her out this rut? She compliment me all the time on my beauty and how good i always smell i let her see me this way hoping it will motivate her but it hasn't. I don't want to make her insecure by ragging on her all the time. But i get upset when i see her watching tv or playing one of game systems and her be a mess face dirty or hasn't brushed her teeth. is it wrong for me to start punishing her since i've been patient with trying to steer her into remebering to groom herself. Give me some tips or advice.

Answer 1

10 is a tough age...lots of changes going on, modesty usually kicks into high gear and the desire to do things their own way. My daughter was exactly the same. First, since your daughter likes how you smell, take her out and let her pick some shampoo, lotion, soaps, etc that she likes the smell of. This was a huge incentive for my daughter since she knew when she finished one off she got to try a new one. Next, make the shower or bath a standard part of her routine. In our house, as soon as dinner is over, both kids have to shower and get their things ready for the next day...no TV, no games, no nothing til it's done. In the beginning I kept an eye on what was going on...if I caught them playing Game Boy, I would tell them to turn it off and remind them what they needed to do. It took a few weeks but it became second nature. Teeth had to be done differently. Since we ususually brush before bed and before school, you can't tell them they can't sleep or leave the house if they don't do it. However, if they failed to brush after i reminded them three times, that meant no sweets for the next two days. Now I will admit that I got a bit sneaky here...when it happened I would be sure to have something extra yummy around for dessert that day. It got the point across though. I also got my son a power toothbrush and both kids love to use the waterpik!

Answer 2

I also have an 'almost 10' year old daughter, and the SAME situation! She just doesn't seem to care right now if her hair is dirty or her clothes don't match, and you know what? Unless we are going out somewhere, I leave her alone about it. She will develop an awareness of herself as she gets a little older, why push it? Right now she is happy to be outside playing, jumping in the pool, riding her bike and getting dirty. I am not going to force her to 'grow up' and be a self conscious teen earlier than she needs to.

So- should you punish her? No. Make a job chart, and put her daily grooming habits on it, and give her rewards when each of her chores are done (make bed, comb hair, brush teeth, feed the pets, whatever). If she DOESN'T do something on her list (ie- brush hair) mention it casually without getting angry at her. She WILL get it when she is ready!

Answer 3

When I was 10, I too was like this. I wouldn't take care of my hair and it would go in enormous knots and my mother would have to comb it out for at least an hour. I also didn't care much for brushing teeth every night, either. The reason for this was because, in school, it seemed like I had no friends and no one liked me, so I thought, why does it matter? It was not only that, but the pressures I was under in school, and sheer lazyness. Ask her if everything in school is okay. If that doesn't seem to work, see if you can take her shopping, or have her hair done. This is what my mom did for my hair problem. We had pros do I and we got the good shampoo and conditioner. When I wouldn't care about my hair my mom would say, "We didn't pay money for a good haircut for you not to style it." The good shampoos and conditioners make you hair feel nice, so you want to wash it more often. But if you want her hair to stay long then you probably won't want to get it cut. As for teeth, well, i got braces and if she doesn't need them then, I'm not sure. The thing that got me to brush was that if I brushed well them I could get colors on them.
Hope I helped!

Answer 4

Typically, this is the age where little boys and girls start to notice things like hygiene. If she's been commenting on yours, chances are, she's almost there. Once she discovers that people around her are noticing the way she looks and smells, she'll clean up. It's normal. I have a baby sister and brother who do the same thing. Try not punishing her, but using incentives instead. You want her to relate good personal grooming with rewards, rather than punishment. If it is forced, it will be resented. If it's rewarded, even with a nice compliment, then she will learn to love keeping up on herself. I hope this helps.

Answer 5

At nine and ten, kids are still learning how to do things for themselves. If she doesn't show any interest in taking a bath, try a shower.

Also, you can try a reward system. If she takes a bath/shower, brushes her teeth, asks you to do her hair without you having to remind her, offer a treat or a special dessert. If she does it for a week, offer extra tv time or a sleepover with a friend. If she does it for a month offer a toy she's been wanting. And so on, and so forth.

If you challenge her, she will probably rise to the occasion.

Answer 6

Your daughter is still young. At this age it is still your responsibility to remind her to brush her teeth and wash her face. Just continue to be patient. Before you know it she will be much more concerned about her appearance. Stop ragging on her all the time and don't punish her. Just remind her to brush her teeth and if you are getting ready to go somewhere remind her to comb her hair and wash her face. She isn't in a rut, she's just a typical 9 year old.

Answer 7

I am not a girl but I was like your daughter in grade school. I didn't take the time to take many baths and didn't care at all what clothes I wore.

Parents and teachers both would punish and ridicule me. It did little good until about the seventh grade. When I wanted to impress girls I became concerned about how I looked.

I think I would encourage your daughter to look her best, but I would not punish her. (you may turn off the TV and tell her to take a bath at night.

Good Luck

Answer 8

My mom had me watch some discovery health shows then she would sit and ask me if I had any questions, I would, then she would be very adult and up front with me and explained them so that a little one would understand. Just explain why it happens, don't be afraid to really explain why. Don't give cheesy answers, the hard facts are whats going to really educate her. Before you start talking to her, let her know some of the period stuff is gross but its going to happen and it'll be a big and happy day when she gets hers. Its one of the first signs of growing up and becoming a grown up. Let her know its nothing to be afraid of. For the bra thing, just let her know that they are pretty convenient and nice to have around for just about any occasion. Makes life so much more comfortable. Shaving, you can go in a few directions with it. My mom just told me it looks nicer and no one really likes feeling like Chewbacca.

Answer 9

My daughter is 11....She has always been a prissy girl...purses, dolls, the insane love of everything and anything pink. Just keep on reminding her and stay positive. She'll come around..my daughter did...yesterday she was outside playing in the mud with her little brother. My daughter used to never want to play anywhere she would get dirty...but for some reason she was out there making a mess. Good Luck.

Answer 10

I have twin sisters that act just like that. They had rather be playing baseball or a video game than playing dress up. But, it'll come soon enough. Whenever she starts looking at boys then she'll want to dress up more. Just let her be a kid right now. All the girlie stuff will come... Good Luck!!!