What to do to avoid nigth conflict?

Question

with my step son & my kids !!! I have a 6 & 2 yr old & 4mth baby.. my step son( 11yrs) will be spending the rest of the summer with us he got home past friday.. My daugther(6ys) is attending summer school 1/2 a day she learns & other 1/ 2 they do activities.. The problem is every nigth my step son wants to sleep with my 2yr son on his bed ( my son & dauther sleep in same room diferent beds) Step son has his own room.. The problem is that my step son doesn't obey rules I send them to sleep & as soon as I get to my room I hear laughs & screams coming from my son & my step-son .. My daugther wakes up at 6:45 am to get ready fro school she eats breakfast @ home.. Monday, Yesteraday & today i had trouble waking her up because of the noise & all going on on the room she doesn't sleep until late, my step-son doesn't understand that she needs to sleep early & we all wake up early.. My hubby doesn't want to tell him anything because he is never with us so he feels that he can't just call his

attention or punish him for doing wrong!! But I don't think is fair because I do punish my kids for ding wrong & because there are rules at home that need to be follow.. I can't lock my kids room & he will not stay in his room he stays with his grandma during the day my girl goes to school & my kids to daycare because I work & my hubby too .. So what to do any ideas I don;t want to be the BAD step mom!!!

Answer 1

Hi-

I answered your other question today-I also have an 11 year old stepson that my husband have joint custody of (we have him exactly half of every month). Ire ally feel for you. I know my husband does not like to rock the boat because we don't have stepson all of the time so it's like we have to treat him specially. Over the years, I think my husband has realized that this is not doing anyone any favors and that only through him following our house rules will he start to be part of the family and stop being a special guest star.

Of course this is an ongoing stress between us and always will be, but we get through.

Your husband has got to back you up on this. If my stepson were keeping my daughters up late at night I would be pissed. And I'd put my foot down! Like I told you before, YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES.

After your son goes to bed, stepson is no longer allowed in his room! This isn't being mean, this is common sense!

You need to sit your husband down and explain this to him.

Good luck-I feel for you-
DN

Answer 2

1] Give the kids 1/2 hour of giggle time every night - start bedtime earlier if need be.
2] Let stepson sleep in little kid's room on fri and sat nights.
3] Get everyone up at the same time, or at least stepson and daughter.
4] Put two year old in with stepson
5] Do giggle time with 2,6, and 11 year old; and then spend 1/2 to 1 hour with stepson - you or husb or both - play a game, watch a movie, bake cookies,etc; then send him to bed with a book.
Pick one of above. Also, most 11 year olds don't go to bed the same time as pre-schoolers.
Dads need to discipline all their kids, even the part-time kids!
Get him on board with this!
I am delighted that the children all get along so well - that doesn't always happen with steps.

Answer 3

Your stepson needs to be polite & respectful in your home, just as everyone else does. Your husband and you, as his adult partner in the home, have a responsibility to teach him appropriate behavior when he's with you, in the same way that you have that same responsibility towards the children who are there 24/7.

Look at it this way - if your bio-children were away from you for large chunks of time, would you want them to be allowed to do whatever they wanted to, no rules, now boundaries, no learning at all, during the time that they were with someone else? Of course not.

He's 11. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He needs to learn how his actions affect others & make amends when they affect others negatively. You should have him help you with the 6yo on the days when she's having a hard time, due to lack of sleep, due to his behavior. Have him wake up at 6:45a, too & help her dress & get ready for school.

If you're OK with 2yo & 11yo sleeping together & goofing around a bit (it's great bonding time!), why not let them have sleepovers in the 11yo's room from time to time?

Answer 4

Our stability is more achieved by HOW we deal with conflicts... they are an everyday part of our life, and although we shouldn't search them out, antagonize, and look in the mirror before making rash judgments, we also have no way to avoid some conflicts. So, the stability isn't achieved by avoiding them, but in living a life with a strong and proper foundation, while dealing with life as it comes our way through appropriate measures. Avoiding conflicts can, in some cases, cause a greater conflict.

Answer 5

your stepson is just trying to fit in, to be a part of a family that who knows? maybe he longs to be with year round. he is having fun and loving your son and that is a good thing, to punish him for it or remove your son would, to an 11 yr old, be alienating him.
it's a tough situation; sometimes it's not about rules, hon, it's about people and kids have more complex thoughts than we think.
just talk to the boy.
say hon, i am so happy you are here and get along so well with everyone, but we have to put our heads together and figure out how you can play with 'the 2 year old' without disturbing the others when they want to sleep.
he will feel like you respect him, as you are talking to him and telling him you need his help to figure this out.
i bet he surprises you with a great solution.
good luck!

Answer 6

If you don't mind your step-son sleeping with your 2-yr old then why don't you have them sleep in the 11 yr old's room? Or have your daughter sleep in the other room?

Answer 7

move the 2 boys into the same room temporarly and give her the stepsons room. I think she's old enough to have her own room. my aunt and uncle had this problem 4 boys and one girl by a certain age girls need there own room.

Answer 8

well maybe if u have ur 2 yr old son go into ur step sons room and sleep there ur daughter can have her own room to sleep in
or ur step son and 2 yr old son can move in together (in ur stepsons room)

Answer 9

Sorry to inform you, the only way to correct this is to get hubby involved. I don't understand people who think it's alright to let their children rule the roost just because they never get to see them. That is no excuse for letting children rule the adults. That is about daddy's guilt not about harming his son. Making children behave is good for them.

Answer 10

i think you need to have a family talk ...get everyone together and just tell them how you feel...also talk with your husband about this before so he can support you during the talk...just explain the whole situation...tell your step son to put himself in your daughter's shoes and ask him how he would feel...remember talk with them patiently