Does age truely matter?

Question

I am 18 years old and am dating a 35 year old man. I have the best time with him and he makes me so happy and i do the same for him. We have everything in common but i am a little unsure about the age difference. my mom doesnt agree with my decision to be with him but for some reason she allows my 25 year old sister to date a 40 year old man... i think it just sounds better than an 18 year old dating a 35 year old. UGHHHh what do i do?

Answer 1

You ask an important question.
I'll give you my take on it.

Yes, age does matter, but maturity matters more.

Personally, I think a relationship with this man is going to be difficult, because you and him are likely going to be at 2 very different places in your lives. I dated an woman 12 years older than me when I was 19, and I learned a lot from the experience. In many ways, you've just become an adult chronologically, however, you don't have the experiences to really be one yet. I know that might offend you, but I think it's true. Last year you were a teenager, and underaged. Last year he was 34.

You're in a developmental stage of your life... one of the most crucial, actually. A difference of even a few years at this time can be a big issue, let alone 17.

The reason mom is more comfortable with your sister dating a man 15 years older than her at 25, than she is with you dating one 17 years older at 18, has more to do with the fact that your sister has been an adult for 7 years. You only just became one. There is a difference. And it's a large one.

Is there anything immoral or creepy about it? No, I don't think so, but it's really going to come down to whether or not you and him are really going to be able to relate to one another enough to cultivate a mature and serious relationship, when you're at two very different stages in life.

Honestly, I think the odds are very much against you, and not because he's old enough quite literally to be your father, but because the two of you most likely have different values and expectations and different immediate desires, as well as future plans.

If you find yourself questioning this, which you obviously are, since you're putting it on here, I really believe you need to take some time and think about it. I get the impression you haven't been together long, and probably don't know a whole lot about his background. That is something you should be aware of.

When I was 19, I was a lot more naive than I could have realized... the only person in my family who was crazy enough to try and talk some sense into me about the woman I was involved with, was my aunt, and of course I didn't listen to her. It took about 6 months for me to realize she was right, and I see much more clearly now how I wasn't ready for that relationship, and how it couldn't have worked over the longterm.

Sometimes you have to make your own mistakes and learn the hard way. There's a reason that some women and men prefer to date people much younger than themselves, and it isn't just the "eye candy" issue, it's also that many times people who are nearer their own age would be experienced enough to be wary of them.

On the other hand, this could be a rare exception. I hope you'll, at the very least, take things very slow. Don't let him rush you... and be aware. If he lies to you about something (and that includes if he lied about his age inititally), it's a big red flag, and you're better safe than sorry.

I really hope you'll take care, and that you won't end up going through what I did.

P.S. Your mom cares enough to try and talk you out of this. You're lucky. Make sure she knows you appreciate her concern, because she deserves that.

Answer 2

Lucky guy. But I think its a different situation from your sister. there is a huge difference between 18 and 25 maturity wise. I mean no disrespect but you have a lot to learn about relationships and life at 18. I agree with your mom but if it makes you happy and he is treating you like a lady then press on. Remember always expect to be treated with repect by the men in your life. Never settle for less.

Answer 3

No i dont think that it matters age is just a number..But i think that you could get much younger than a 35 year old man and you should try you never know what is out there you still young go for it.He should have known better go out and have a good time with your 18-19 year old friends..

Answer 4

Age doesn't matter, but where you are in life DOES matter. I was 19 dating a 37 year old man and we got along PERFECTLY! It would have been a match made in heaven, but we really wanted different things in life. He wanted to settle down right away and for me to quit school to travel with him. Also, make sure that HE is ok with the age. When there's a big age gap, in my experience, the man has gotten so insecure that he tries to control the female in what she does. It's natural because he is older and you are younger. So just watch out for two things:
1) Are you at the same places in life/want the same things in life?
2) Is HE ok with the age gap?

Otherwise, age doesn't matter! I'm currently dating somebody 26 years older than me, and it works out really well. We get along really well, and the age just doesn't matter anymore! Men are like wine, they get better with age! Good luck!

Answer 5

age doesn't matter but is is something to be considered. you are 18 so nobody can tell you what to do but, at 35 he has been around, knows what he wants and has experienced a little more of what the world has to offer. that's part of what makes an older man so great to be with. have some fun and be happy but don't let this relationship define who you are.

Answer 6

I don't believe age matters because I am marrid to a man who is 20 years older than me. I was 19 when we met he was 39. I loved the fact that he was older for some reason, I just felt like I could relate to him better than a guy my own age. I have to tell you though, sometimes the diference in our age is a problem, like sometimes he thinks he has more life experience than me and calls me a kid sometimes, usually when we are fighting, but if you guys are good together and he treats you right, I don't think it matters at all. my parents were upset too, but they came around eventually. It's hard toimagine your kids with someone older, girls especially, but if they're happy you can't help and be happy for them. Do what you feel is right in your heart is what I say.

Answer 7

You might think you are an adult, but the day you become a real adult, is the day you realize that your parent(s) were right. That they only want what's best for YOU, not themselves.
Don't think you are special by being with this guy. He would be with ANY 18 year old. You're eye candy and his own ego inflater and his friends' envy, NOTHING MORE.
I kinda feel the same way about your sister and her old fogie, but she's got 7 years on you. She knows better. You do not.

Answer 8

the age difference is an issue to some people , but if u love the guy and he makes u happy then i will say it is up to u. i am 26 and there is a 43 years old guy after me. he says he loves me and willing to give me whatever i want if we get together, but because of the age difference i am not so sure about his love for me. when i think about it he could be my father and people will start gossiping about us walking together and he has three grown up daughters from his previous marriage.

Answer 9

Makes sense, From what I am told it takes guys longer to mature. So 15 year differences seems to be appropriate.
Most guys in there early to mid 20s usually don't want to have kids and settle down. So you 2 should be in a good spot in a couple of years.

Answer 10

At the risk of sounding cliche I will say, "Follow your heart." Who cares about age?! I don't. If you are comfortable with it, go for it. However, in some cases, age can be a problem. For instance, some individuals experience a communication gap between older and younger persons. Good luck!