My 7 y/o son is embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm "fat".....?

Question

I just had a baby about a month ago, and yes I gained about 20 lbs. that have NOT COME OFF!!! I have a small frame so those 20 lbs. look like 50!!! My son is embarrassed to be seen with me now, because some of his little friends called me fat and he does not want them making fun of HIM! I do live in San Diego and the majority of mother's in the area where I live are thin so compared to them I look like a whale!! I'm so disappointed that my son is being this shallow and selfish, I didnt raise him to judge people on the outside. I've never had anyone embarrassed of being seen with me so I'm not sure how to handle this. How do I handle this situation... I know he's a little boy but I'm still so very disappointed in him and I'm hurt that he would be ashamed of me because of my weight :(

I know he sounds like a brat at the moment, but he's really very kind and considerate which is why I'm shocked that he's ashamed of me. I guess maybe I feel like I'm a bad parent cause my baby is acting very shallow and I do not want him or any of my other children to judge people based on their looks, weight, disabilities etc. I have always prided myself in having taught my children to be kind and giving individuals.

Answer 1

Now is a PERFECT teaching opportunity for you. It's sensitive times like these that we prove to be the best models for our children. I went through this briefly...very briefly...because as soon as my daughter came home at 7 1/2 and told me her friends say her mommy's fat, the first thing I asked her is, "Do you know that I love you?" She replied, "Yes, ma'am. I love you, too, Mommy." (That was the response I was looking for and thank God she said it). Then I asked, "Do YOU love me less because I don't look like most other mommies right now?" She said, lovingly, "No ma'am. I love you the same." Then I asked, "Does it really matter what the people who don't love and care about you think?" She answered, "No, ma'am."

Then, we dialogued about how it's mean to talk badly about someone because they may not look exactly like you or have as much money as you or are not thin like you.

And the next day at school, when other kids started to make fun of me, she stood up for me and told them how wrong they were and told them that, "My mom's not fat...the's THICK and thick is GOOD!" ...among other things. I was so proud. The irony was that I really wasn't fat, at least not according to my own cultural standards. And further, it's always been my philosophy that no matter what size I am, I still love who I see staring back at me in the mirror each day.

***And then YOU need to get past the weight gain. You just had a baby, for goodness sake! And even if you were a little on the thicker side for good, SO WHAT?! It's important for you to know, understand and appreciate how beautiful you ARE, regardless of how much you weigh. It sounds cliche, but if your beauty starts and builds on the inside, it WILL exude outwardly.

Seriously, how many exceptionally pretty women have you seen who have the nastiest attitudes and whose attitudes cause you to notice all of their flaws? I've known many and an ugly attitude and ugly spirit makes an ugly people.

NOW is the time to reinforce what you've already been teaching him: the outside doesn't matter as much as the inside, and furthermore, a pretty outside doesn't just exist among the skinny.

Teach yourself and teach your son to recognize the beauty that is in you...that IS you...regardless of your size. Teach yourself and him that looks are subject to change at any time and that they don't change who you ARE.

Finally, even if you feel self-conscious, ACT like you're not. You'll start to believe yourself after awhile. YOU need to see beauty staring back at you in the mirror. Your son is a child and should have no stake in your self-esteem-- how you see you is up to YOU and believe it or not, seeing yourself as beautiful and acting like you know you're beautiful at this weight will rub off on him and HE will see what YOU see instead of what his friends see.

Keep your head up, Lady. You're still da bomb! (Go look yourself in the mirror and say: "I am a reflection of ME and I am Bee-U-Tee-FUUULLLLL!" (not conceited-- just convinced)

...hope this helps some.

-Faith

Answer 2

Chances are, he's not ashamed of you, but actually being protective of you. Have you thought that seeing the other children make fun of you makes him angry? That he doesn't want them to see you because he is trying to keep you from being hurt when they say mean things? Just because he's 7 years old, doesn't mean his protective instincts are any less than a grown mans, Unfortunately, at that age, he is not equipped with how to manage the situation on his own. And YOU need to start working on your own self confidence. An extra 20 lbs does not make you any less of a wonderful person. If you are ashamed of how you look, he sees this as well. You'd be amazed at how very perceptive young people are. :)

Answer 3

I think you need to set your son down and talk to him. the worst part of little kids is they dont lie, they tell the truth when it comes to things whether its hurtful or not. I was in the womens bathroom once and this lady had 2 of her daughters in there i'd say about 5 and 7 and the when they were leaving the stall her daughter said "wow mom i never new you could have that many stretchmarks all over" and the lady just walked out embarresed. All I can say is sit her child down or look for a movie that may help explain things better, that you can watch with your child to help teach talking or making fun of people especially his mother isn't right. If he continues to, take privilidges away, otherwise you may have a problem in public when he see's a big women and points at her and says something, and thats going to be much more embarresing.

Answer 4

He's 7. He's been brainwashed. You have more of an influence over him than his friends do, believe it or not. Explain that you'll go back to normal now that the baby is out and that he can just sweat it out until then. And limit his tv viewing. tv sends out a lot of messages about this society's obsession with thin.

Answer 5

The fact that a 7 yr old would even have to think of this is awful, Good Luck with it. Maybe when he gets older the kids will mature enough to stop. its a rough road having kids finding things to get others going... just be patient and keep the talk flowing with him, very important.

Answer 6

You need to have a talk with your son and explain that it hurts your feelings. I don't think he'll understand that he's being shallow and selfish. Explain to him that people come in different shapes and sizes but it doesn't make them a better or worse person.

Answer 7

You need to teach your son that these words are hurtful to you. Then, start working on the 'beauty is only skin deep' lessons again. Point out all of the 'beautiful' people in your life - people who are special, wonderful, powerful & kind, despite their outward appearnce.

*You* need to project that you feel no shame at all in your appearance, too. He will pick up on any feelings of shame that you may have at all. You should be proud of *who you are* not what you look like.

Answer 8

Then don't take the little brat anywhere! Let him walk his behind to school, and he isn't allowed to go anywhere since he can't get there unless you take him and you aren't taking him since he doesn't want ot be seen with you. When he complains about this, tell him he hurt your feelings but since he doesn't want to be seen with you, you are 'honoring' his wishes.

You young parents need to stop letting your children run your households. Take control! Be the parent!

Answer 9

do you live in san diego?

i think you should take trimspa.